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  1. #31
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trinity View Post
    Think the keys are in positive self talk, surrounding yourself with people that you get good energy from and appreciate what it really means when you do something for them and say it's no big deal and also recognising when lack of feedback is affecting you and causing doubt. Mostly self talk though.
    This is very true. If you have poisonous, negative people in your life, it can be hard to remember that not everyone is like them.

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    I can see how positive self talk would help. I wonder what self talk in this area would look like?
    First lesson: You deserve to treat yourself with the same love and respect you show others. Grant yourself the same leniency for human-error you give them.

    Second lesson: You are hard wired to be finely in tune with your capabilities. It's a blessing and a curse. Try to use that ability to build yourself up and become stronger, instead of tearing yourself apart.

    Your gift gives you two ways to self-assess, and in the absence of external assessment it will be all that you have. You can view your actions from "If I had done this perfectly" or from "If I had done nothing at all."

    X = Internal assessment of yourself and actions.
    Nothing ----------------- X ---- Perfection

    When it comes to confidence, focus on the gap between if you did nothing and where you see yourself. Once that's done, THEN you can focus on the gap between yourself and your perfect ideal.

    I wonder why other types don't need the same level of feedback?
    Who says they don't? Some types surely need less feedback than the ISFP, but there are others that need far more. It just expresses itself differently.

    I really dislike that side of me and I've been trying to drive it out of me for as long as I can remember. I've mostly got rid of it but it still rears it's ugly head from time to time.
    Well, would you be the person that you are without it? Do you think you'd have the same positive impact on the world if you didn't analyze yourself the way you did?

    For better and for worse, it's part of who you are. Instead of denying that aspect of your nature, learn to control it instead of having it control you.

  2. #32
    Senior Member "?"'s Avatar
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    If anyone has Joe Butts' "Elements of Type and Shadow" it gives a good scenario of why dominant Fi types in general have this sort of behavior.

  3. #33
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    Hm. I guess for me I didn't think what I did would actually really matter... since life is meaningless IMO. I mean, I wasn't treated as if I was stupid in school... it was more like I gave off this aura that was read as "Get the eff away" or, "Grrr". Or I seemed really shy and incapable since I never really talked unless someone asked a question. I didn't seem all that friendly, I suppose... even though inside I really wanted to help people and all that mushy stuff. I was literally bursting with kindness. Lol.

    I can relate to Walking Tourist though, I remember feeling as if people thought I was just dumb or something since I was always given easy tasks/classes... I remember this one time I requested to take Advancd English instead of regular; and my counseler seemed pretty doubtful of me by her tone of voice... Meh. I got a A in the end, so screw her. Lol. :/
    4w5.

    "We trust the local doctor, we trust the medicine.
    Our child gets a scratch, we get our child a brand new head.
    We eat what's on our plate, we drink what's in our cup...
    We like the shiny TV screen, it spits, we lap it up...
    They sing a song, we hum along.
    We sing; but we don't understand the words to the song."
    -- High As A Horse

  4. #34
    it's tea time! Walking Tourist's Avatar
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    You would think that the counselor would be thrilled to have a student who wants a challenge and so, would be more encouraging.
    Unfortunately, that is not always the case.

    Quote Originally Posted by bananafish View Post
    I can relate to Walking Tourist though, I remember feeling as if people thought I was just dumb or something since I was always given easy tasks/classes... I remember this one time I requested to take Advancd English instead of regular; and my counseler seemed pretty doubtful of me by her tone of voice... Meh. I got a A in the end, so screw her. Lol. :/
    I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle and here is my spout. Every time I steam up, I give a shout. Just tip me over and pour me out.

  5. #35

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    I think like Udog and Kingfisher said, it's not something to get rid of completely. I think some kind of balance is best. Reflecting on it I think in pushing that side down I lose some of my motivation.

    So there needs to be a balance. Balance between the need to have impact on others, of which feedback is an integral part and the need to be independent of all that.

  6. #36
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    I am capable of learning and understanding. I am not capable of verbally expressing what I've learned or how I feel about something adequately. For that reason, I feel stupid and keep my mouth shut as often as possible. Returning to college at midlife has not been easy. I have so many experiences and a unique perspective to share and have found that I am fully able to do this in writing but I still do not participate in class discussions. I'm as embarressed in my 40s as I was in my 20s with my inability to communicate verbally.

  7. #37

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    Quote Originally Posted by Julie1962 View Post
    I am capable of learning and understanding. I am not capable of verbally expressing what I've learned or how I feel about something adequately. For that reason, I feel stupid and keep my mouth shut as often as possible. Returning to college at midlife has not been easy. I have so many experiences and a unique perspective to share and have found that I am fully able to do this in writing but I still do not participate in class discussions. I'm as embarressed in my 40s as I was in my 20s with my inability to communicate verbally.
    I get what you mean...For me personally, I can feel a need to rush. And that can stop me from communicating verbally. Unless I'm really confident in the area.

  8. #38
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Julie1962 View Post
    I am capable of learning and understanding. I am not capable of verbally expressing what I've learned or how I feel about something adequately. For that reason, I feel stupid and keep my mouth shut as often as possible. Returning to college at midlife has not been easy. I have so many experiences and a unique perspective to share and have found that I am fully able to do this in writing but I still do not participate in class discussions. I'm as embarressed in my 40s as I was in my 20s with my inability to communicate verbally.
    I totally relate to that, especially at university where I would get great marks for essays where I could gather my thoughts but would be a bumbling fool if asked about the same topic in class.
    Act your age not your enneagram number.

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