User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 51

  1. #11
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    Is going to school going to make him happy or you as a parent happy?
    We hope it would make him happy - it would make us feel more secure about his future and earning a living. But there's nothing we're forcing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post
    Is he happy at the moment?
    I would say yes - he has a gf, and friends, food, shelter & entertainment. Not much more to want for I suppose!

  2. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    Well I would suggest getting him excited about the prospect of being in control of his own life and have complete freedom, to do that a good education is where it starts

    SPs have very simplistic needs though and unfortunately its usually us xSTPs that care more about money not so much the xSFPs

    As time passes the situation should dawn on him that he needs to become more independent. Things can change very quickly with SPs....

  3. #13
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Posts
    10

    Default

    I'm someone who has a lack of motivation in my studies BIGTIME. Uni has been and is still a tough journey for me

    I can take a stab at the problem by saying there's so much that goes on in my life that is more FUN !!!; and that I prioritise. The other factor is that my life is so secure... I think I'm depending too much on my parents. They pay for my transport to Uni, Car rego... All the money I earn from my casual job is all spent on wants because I don't have any bills to pay!

    Yeah so I don't know where I'm going with this, but all I know is that I suck at studying and have no motivation for uni! I don't know what the answer is!

  4. #14
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISFJ
    Posts
    6,020

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Thanks sweet - the issue with saying "no" has always been he doesn't seem too impacted by it. When he was younger, we would take away priviledges (never super-strict admittedly) and he would shrug it off. No computer for a month - whatever. Grounded - whatever. No allowance - whatever.

    And you would think my hubs would be the stricter of us, but I can be the one who finally says "That's it." We're both enabling him I know.

    But we've never been heavy-handed so it would be out of character to just kick him out or anything drastic. Point being that just saying "no" has never really been ... enough?
    They way I see it you must first identify what you consider is the problem. He's seems happy and the "shrugging off" you mentioned is not necessarily a bad thing. It means he can adapt. It's only bad if you see this from a perspective of control over his life.

    So my advise would be to indentify the problem (maybe wanting reassurance that he is getting out of the house sometime?) and then just communicate that to him.

    He seems like he enjoys his life and just likes to have fun (and that's great btw) so maybe you could make him see that he'll have to start thinking about being self-sufficient to continue with his lifestyle.

    Maybe he's not unmotivated. His motivation is simply to make the best of the situation with the means available to him. Just make him see they won0t be there forever.

  5. #15
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    937 so/sx
    Posts
    6,226

    Default

    I suppose the real problem is that I have to set boundaries that fit with me. After all, it seems I am the person with the issue, aren't I?

    I just keep thinking he is going to change his habits and get inspired at some point.

    And then I won't have to be a meanie ...

  6. #16
    Senior Member ColonelGadaafi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ESTJ
    Enneagram
    Si
    Socionics
    ESTP
    Posts
    774

    Default

    You need to put him a in position where he internally reflects on his future. I am going to suggest that you put on the steel mitts. Be stricter and more rash with him when it comes to these matters, squeeze where it hurts the most. Since Extraverted Sensors... only conclude after experencing the context itself, he will come to full realization on the importance of progressing in life and becoming independent, after you've sanctioned his vices. While ESFP's are not the ones to forget.. when treated with what they consider "negative attitudes" , it wont be without ramifications.. however once he's cleared his head and seen the resultats of having to work and being responsible without mommys aid, he will be gratefull that you've pushed him, and you might recieve a thank you.

    Trust me when i say that verbal motivation rarely work's with SFP's, in the case of ESFP's they take words for granted and let them seep out of the other ear, they will not take anything seriously without experiencing the measures taken first hand.

    All and all, it will take time before you are able to launch his boat, thats fpr certain.
    "Where can you flee? What road will you use to escape us? Our horses are swift, our arrows sharp, our swords like thunderbolts, our hearts as hard as the mountains, our soldiers as numerous as the sand. Fortresses will not detain us, nor arms stop us. Your prayers to God will not avail against us. We are not moved by tears nor touched by lamentations."

  7. #17
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    MBTI
    istp
    Posts
    51

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Has spent the last year working part-time and playing video games.
    I plan on spending my life working partime and playing games, more or less...

    But at some point he needs to go to school and do ... something with his life.
    Something like what??

    SP's, would appreciate your advice here. What did you need from your Mom & Dad to help you focus on planning?
    Planning for what? A zombie invasion? Seriously, tell him how FUN driving is (because it is) and he will happily take the license. Fun is the key! By the way you shouldn't be driving him to places at his age -_-

  8. #18
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INfp
    Enneagram
    9w1 sp/sx
    Socionics
    INFp None
    Posts
    5,295

    Default

    Peacebaby, I'm not a parent but my friend's parents had to deal with a 28 year old ESxP that sounds exactly like your son. Your son WILL continue to stay with you as long as he's happy with the way things are. I've seen your future if you do nothing - I know how this plays out.

    School: It's his life. You can't force him to go to school. Or rather, you can't force him to stay in school. School has to be his choice. Better to get your money back, no interest, than spend it and have him drop out before getting a degree.

    I'd find it cruel to suddenly clash down with the sledgehammer, and I know I couldn't follow up on something too harsh. I suggest making a gradually implemented plan with your husband - one that both of you can follow through with.

    The goal of this plan is to make living with you more and more burdensome, until he realizes moving out will make for a better life. Then tell him everything up front, so he understands what the future holds. (This is more for YOUR conscious, than his. The plan won't be real to him until it affects his life, so it's best to implement it gradually so it doesn't hit him too hard.)

    Some ideas:

    * Tell him that in 2 weeks you will start charging for rides. Make it nominal at first, but that you will raise the price even more in 4 weeks. He will have excuses, and he will try to build up a 'tab' that he won't pay back. Have a plan to counter that. During the two weeks, be CLEAR to him that if he doesn't pay first, you won't give him a ride. Keep on reminding him the alternative is to get a license.

    * Start charging rent, but don't do it all at once.

    * Tell him in 4 weeks he has to start paying rent and ultilities. Make rent nominal the first month, but make him pay 33% of the utilities (assuming it's just the 3 of you).

    * Gradually increase the rent the second month, until it reaches the max in 6 or so months.

    * Force him to sit down with you guys so you can show him how the utilities are being calculated. Either that, or create an excel spreadsheet and go over it with him.

    * He may retaliate by quitting his job, so he CAN'T pay you. If that happens, tell him he will start losing privileges. He will have to be home by 12:00. No girlfriend in the house after 10:00pm. Etc. No cable. No video games until certain chores are done. Etc.

    * All this while, put the money into a savings account. When he is ready to move out, use that money to help him furnish his place, buy a car, etc. Whether or not you share that detail with him depends on if you think it will help your cause.

    Just keep in mind, that the plan will not be real until it starts affecting him. Be consistent in following through. SPs can hate planning for things that might happen (he might not get a ride if he doesn't pay you first). He needs to know that this is the way things will be.

    Anyway, those are just some ideas to get you started. Your plan will vary.

  9. #19
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Posts
    10

    Default

    I agree with what was said above... But if you want to follow Udog's advice, you really have to plan it out and commit to it before you implement it. If my parents did some or all of the things above, I just KNOW that I will be able to get out of it EASY! I just know how my parents work! haha

    I also agree with what was said earlier about how we need to hit a barrier before making a change, or if there's a safety net we'll keep falling back into it. Even though there could be many great advantages from taking a hard route, we'll stick to the easy route that we're already satisfied with, and won't go with the hard route unless we need to.

    Also with the licensing thing, like someone else said, show him how much more fun/flexibility he can have with a license. I got my license as soon as I could and beat the majority of my friends who were able to get it way before me. My motivation was getting out more! I can't believe how people can delay getting their license, its such a limitation on life! lol

  10. #20
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INfp
    Enneagram
    9w1 sp/sx
    Socionics
    INFp None
    Posts
    5,295

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by icebreaka View Post
    I agree with what was said above... But if you want to follow Udog's advice, you really have to plan it out and commit to it before you implement it. If my parents did some or all of the things above, I just KNOW that I will be able to get out of it EASY! I just know how my parents work! haha!
    Yes! And we both know he will fight it. This is why they need to come up with a plan they think is humane from the onset, and always always give plenty of heads up before a hammer comes crashing down.

    BTW, welcome to the forums icebreaka.

Similar Threads

  1. Is it possible to be an "XXXX"?
    By swordpath in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 63
    Last Post: 06-16-2016, 09:21 PM
  2. [ENFP] Is it possible to be an Introvert who is an ENFP?
    By Elfboy in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 11-15-2010, 02:57 PM
  3. [NT] Is it possible to be an INTP that has ENTP tendencies?
    By Optimus Prime in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 08-01-2009, 04:02 PM
  4. Is it possible to be an INFJ with INTP tendencies?
    By aic in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 09-05-2008, 12:02 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO