User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 39

  1. #1
    :) INFtha14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/sx
    Posts
    1,894

    Question ESTP's in relationships? courting?

    Hi sp's
    is this the right spot?
    I'm not in a relationship with one but just curious how they work in courting and attracting a girl cause i ran across an ESTP/ESFP? that i believe is one (loves working on cars, partying, had a sweet smile anywho) that i knew since i was 12.

    I'm not asking for confirmation that he's an estp well maybe but with learning about how estp's here have courting someone they were truly interested in and how do you tell they don't just want to have "sex" or just leave when they find out you would rather not go there hehe.
    (actually I am wondering if there is a possbility if he could be esfp there is pic of him hugging a cat xD i know it's kinda vague to base off of but he seems to have a sweet side especially with the kitty pics on his pro too)

    comes up to me and says " hey remember me?"
    i said yeah your so and so's /a relation to this friend of mine.
    then he takes my number and put it in his cellphone hasn't called and i don't come off desperate i'm pretty whatever floats hehe.
    i saw him again to which we exchange hello's(remembered my name since seeing him long time ago/ didn't remind him of my name when he asked for my phone) and he asked about something we used to have in our yard. then asked who's the child with me *my neice*.
    He was walking over across the street to where his friend was working on a car and that's when i went on my way lol.
    and he seems like he has an innocence about him but he also likes to drink with his friends (i have a tendency to judge to quickly on something like this i feel this is limiting to new experiences people can show me. I have been burned and let on but not fooled more then once i've had my experience of dumping people if i caught onto something like a horndog lol.
    I don't want to have one guy pass by just cause a couple not so great ones lol.

    well anyway I am just curious what goes on in an estp/esfp? "male" mind when it comes to courting and do they just forget about you or?
    How do they show there truly interested in "you" sincerely?
    hope this doesn't sound stupid asking these questions but he lives right down the street of me. sometimes i wonder if i seem unavailable to men cause i have my heads in the clouds xDD or i'm thinking about college planning and the steps/ how am i going to pay tuition etc the whole shibang(? spelling)
    anywho Thank in advance
    I appreciate anyhelp in the mind of the male estp
    (sorry if there is not so great grammer abiding xD)
    What is Feeling?
    Feeling is primarily a process.....that imparts to the content a definite value in the sense of acceptance or rejection. In the same way that thinking organizes the contents of consciousness under concepts, feeling arranges them according to their value. Feeling, like thinking, is a rational function, since values in general are assigned according to the laws of reason...
    (Carl Jung, Psychological Types, Chapter XI - Definitions)

  2. #2
    Member b4b's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    xSFP
    Posts
    57

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Duchessoftheshadows View Post
    Hi sp's
    is this the right spot?
    I'm not in a relationship with one but just curious how they work in courting and attracting a girl cause i ran across an ESTP/ESFP? that i believe is one (loves working on cars, partying, had a sweet smile anywho) that i knew since i was 12.
    I only have experience with one...I'm also not sure whether he's ESTP or ESFP?
    Anyway, he is "trying" to date me...so we are not in a serious relationship...but this is what he does all day:
    100's of text messages, emails, pictures, 2-3 phone calls a day...BUT he doesn't appear needy, there are no real feelings involved...lots of joking, teasing and some sarcasm too...
    all the sudden he is interested in the same things I am, wants to share hobbies with me (same music, cars, going out to places), I noticed he started using some of the words and expressions I use (although my English isn't very good), he tries to mirror my personality (I'm usually nice and sweet), but I saw him being totally different with other people...
    well, to sum it up, I don't think I've ever gotten so much attention before....however...I believe his intentions are not what they seem basically he's trying to come off as he nicest guy ever, but I don't think he is...and I believe that once I give in (OR once he doesn't need me anymore) I'll see his true face...

  3. #3
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ENTP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Socionics
    ENTp
    Posts
    6,387

    Default

    I used to run into this very attractive ESTP guy everywhere for months. I felt like he was following me and making a point to let me know it. I couldn't go anywhere for months without seeing him a few steps behind me. I was finishing a degree and had no time for dating. And he was so intense and always stared me down, so I avoided him like the plague.

    Anyway, I had a party at my house and he showed up with some friends that I invited. He followed me into my kitchen and when we were alone, he cornered me and said "I know you know I've been watching you. I'm [name]. And you're so fucking beautiful." Then he grabbed me tightly and just stared in my eyes for a long, hot, intense minute before he kissed me.

    [Then of course, he tried to unbutton my shirt with his teeth... We moved in together less than a week later and were together for a few crazy, fun years.]

    This is basically how it's been with every ESTP I've met since... fast and furious.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by b4b View Post
    I only have experience with one...I'm also not sure whether he's ESTP or ESFP?
    Anyway, he is "trying" to date me...so we are not in a serious relationship...but this is what he does all day:
    100's of text messages, emails, pictures, 2-3 phone calls a day...BUT he doesn't appear needy, there are no real feelings involved...lots of joking, teasing and some sarcasm too...
    all the sudden he is interested in the same things I am, wants to share hobbies with me (same music, cars, going out to places), I noticed he started using some of the words and expressions I use (although my English isn't very good), he tries to mirror my personality (I'm usually nice and sweet), but I saw him being totally different with other people...
    well, to sum it up, I don't think I've ever gotten so much attention before....however...I believe his intentions are not what they seem basically he's trying to come off as he nicest guy ever, but I don't think he is...and I believe that once I give in (OR once he doesn't need me anymore) I'll see his true face...
    Agreed with some of this, we can be sarcastic for fun (its a common humor style for ESTPs)

    I wouldn't automatically assume cause he does all those things his intentions are bad though. This is how some ESTPs are and some of them do mirror personalities or adapt in what could seem like strange ways

    As for what goes on in my head when I'm "courting"

    My flirting style in a nutshell... I think they call it coy

    How do you know he is sincere in liking you? Well this is true for me and I'm not sure if this applies to all ESTPs but I often fall into the habit of focusing most (80%+) of my effort on the girl I really like

    We're sincere if we get some kind of commitment aka BF/GF but until such a time its all fair game (I guess thats a pretty obvious one?)

    And idk... more later... actually I need more questions

  5. #5
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx/so
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,927

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by b4b View Post
    100's of text messages, emails, pictures, 2-3 phone calls a day...BUT he doesn't appear needy, there are no real feelings involved...lots of joking, teasing and some sarcasm too...
    That's really funny. I bug the hell out of my friends with phone, e-mail, text, etc. simply because I enjoy their company and like entertaniing them. It's absolutely not needy, its the curse of a mind that is connected to all kinds of stuff and all kinds of people and with zero tolerance for boredom/inactivity.

    When it comes to courting per se, if I have ever been into a girl, I have been a perfect gentleman and gone a bit over the top to make it pretty damn obvious that I am interested in her and of the best intentions. Once that is understood and there is a mutual fondness/attraction/etc. then I bite the buttons off the shirt.

  6. #6
    :) INFtha14's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/sx
    Posts
    1,894

    Smile

    thank you guys I appreciate it sp's rule btw.
    Hey b4b
    that's the scary part "the being wooed" part. How do we know when that mask comes off that it will be sincere.
    I agree with you this guy looked really sweet but how do we women know he's not a sweet talker lol.

    this guy is pretty laid back about it he hasn't really contacted me about it i just wonder if he wants me to make a move so he knows if i'm interested. Cause i got to admit i'm pretty clueless with courting lol.

    Someone i knew back in middle school was pretty direct with me about there interest in me and was such a gentlemen about it and i was just plain clueless xDDD hence head in the clouds.

    it sounds like he's sweet with the texting/mirroring your interests/speech and what not but like you said you can never know till the veil is relinquished at least that's what i think, I'm no expert believe me xDD.
    //////////
    hey jenocyde,
    I wonder if the guy from middle school was an estp hmm...he sang to me in class about " i saw (my name) walking down the street" haha he did over the weekend xD.

    wow sounds like he was rather intense and direct apparently what i need to knock me down from my ni tower xD.

    one thing i know if they'd be fast and furious that's the one thing that scares me away sometimes cause if they try to get touchy to fast i wonder what do they really want lol
    //////////
    Hi unique,
    do you have examples of the sarcasm they use for fun?
    when i looked up the definition coy

    coy (koi)
    adj. coy∑er, coy∑est
    2. Affectedly and usually flirtatiously shy or modest.
    (Unique does this sound about right? i could see the guy i'm thinking of having this style he's rather laid back and not to obvious about it but was direct with asking my number but hasn't really tried to call.
    I forgot he also asked "you want to chill sometime" to which i got nervous and said "uh umm" then he took my number
    (does he want me to come and find him? I don't want to appear desperate xD cause i'm not. )

    ? when you are spending 80% of your time putting effort into a girl you like what are the things you do with that effort if you don't mind me asking?
    would this be where your coy?
    //////
    hallo74

    hmm....the more i hear about the estp's style in courting this seems to be how i was being courted in middle school xD.

    It also sounds really sweet hehe over the top is rather cute cause i know I would need that lol pretty oblivious to what's going on around me haha.

    That is definitely what I would be more comfortable with first having a mutual fondness and attraction with alittle trust knowing the person would be in it for me not for you know *clears throat nervously*

    I court for a lifelong partner not a fling(not saying any of you do more wondering if i come off difficult/demanding) so i hope i don't come off difficult to men heh.
    xD i got to admit i blushed when i read the last sentence .
    What is Feeling?
    Feeling is primarily a process.....that imparts to the content a definite value in the sense of acceptance or rejection. In the same way that thinking organizes the contents of consciousness under concepts, feeling arranges them according to their value. Feeling, like thinking, is a rational function, since values in general are assigned according to the laws of reason...
    (Carl Jung, Psychological Types, Chapter XI - Definitions)

  7. #7
    Member b4b's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    xSFP
    Posts
    57

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Unique View Post

    How do you know he is sincere in liking you? Well this is true for me and I'm not sure if this applies to all ESTPs but I often fall into the habit of focusing most (80%+) of my effort on the girl I really like

    I don't know if he is sincere, but oh yes, I feel like his is devoting his entire time to somehow be in touch with me ....this includes time during work, and even whenever he wakes up during sleep he makes sure I get a text msg to tell me about it....


    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    That's really funny. I bug the hell out of my friends with phone, e-mail, text, etc. simply because I enjoy their company and like entertaniing them. It's absolutely not needy, its the curse of a mind that is connected to all kinds of stuff and all kinds of people and with zero tolerance for boredom/inactivity.
    yes, he is definitely not needy, he is entertaining me with funny, interesting pics, texts or he is telling me about whatever else is going on in his life at the moment...and yes, he's got zero tolerance for boredom.


    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    When it comes to courting per se, if I have ever been into a girl, I have been a perfect gentleman and gone a bit over the top to make it pretty damn obvious that I am interested in her and of the best intentions. Once that is understood and there is a mutual fondness/attraction/etc. then I bite the buttons off the shirt.
    perfect gentleman you say? YES, the point that it's embarrassing...and to the later, yes, using every opportunity he gets...despite telling me otherwise...and despite me telling him to back off! (in a very nice way tough...I must be too nice, because it's not working very well...)




    Quote Originally Posted by Duchessoftheshadows View Post
    thank you guys I appreciate it sp's rule btw.
    Hey b4b
    that's the scary part "the being wooed" part. How do we know when that mask comes off that it will be sincere.
    I agree with you this guy looked really sweet but how do we women know he's not a sweet talker lol.
    this is exactly my concern...

  8. #8
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx/so
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,927

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Duchessoftheshadows View Post
    //////
    hallo74

    hmm....the more i hear about the estp's style in courting this seems to be how i was being courted in middle school xD.
    Wellllll I wouldn't go so far as to categorize a well intended, mature, and psychologically healthy ESTP male that's putting the effort of courting a woman that he fancies as deploying Middle School dating tactics...

    Quote Originally Posted by Duchessoftheshadows View Post
    It also sounds really sweet hehe over the top is rather cute cause i know I would need that lol pretty oblivious to what's going on around me haha.
    That's good, then his effort is not in vain, as it might well take more for his interest/intentions to sink in if you are "oblivious to your surroundings" as you stated! And I don't mean that in a bad way, my wife is INFJ, I get what you are saying. I will offer one piece of advice though. If you do want to keep this fellow interested then give his efforts a little recognition, and I'm not talking sex, I'm talking like a simple thank you, or a smile, or even a peck on the cheek, something simple to let him know that you know he's trying and you appreciate the effort, that's all. ESTPs are VERY hard to discourage, but if we do deploy our arsenal and the objective we seek at some point seems hopeless, then we disengage and move on and don't look back.

    Quote Originally Posted by Duchessoftheshadows View Post
    That is definitely what I would be more comfortable with first having a mutual fondness and attraction with alittle trust knowing the person would be in it for me not for you know *clears throat nervously*
    That's good, you sound like a good girl, and that's admirable. Here's a generic tip that might be of use to you. You have stated elsewhere in this thread that you wish to know his true intentions. Two simple things for you to look for at this point.

    GIVEN: He is putting time and effort into getting to know you right now, but you don't know if he wants a brief fling with you or if he is interested in a more long term romance with a deeper commitment.

    FACT 1: If he were interested in a quick fling, then the amount of time and effort he puts into getting to know you is going to be commensurate with the depth of the fling he is interested in having with you. No man will waste weeks and weeks of time and effort to setup a short term fling, unless he is a total idiot.

    FACT 2: A very good way to get to know someone's intentions is to see how they interact with people other than you in the everyday course of their lives, and to see how others interact with them. If this fellow is received well by the staff of stores/businesses he frequents, if he opens doors for people, if helps a person in need along the way of whatever you two are doing to hang out on a given day, if he is courteous to others for no reason other than to be a nice fellow, then these are good indicators that you are with a decent man, and not a sociopath.

    Sociopaths and control freaks move quickly, they try to get women to commit to alot in a short amount of time, they try to get fully integrated into their lives so they can start manipulating them. If this guy is nice, and kind, and patient with you then I can't see the harm in giving him a shot.

    Quote Originally Posted by Duchessoftheshadows View Post
    I court for a lifelong partner not a fling(not saying any of you do more wondering if i come off difficult/demanding) so i hope i don't come off difficult to men heh.
    xD i got to admit i blushed when i read the last sentence .
    You know what? The chase is part of the fun isn't it? He knows this. If at some point you are both comfortable with each other and he does try to connect with you physically, then trust your instincts and be safe. But don't assume that once he does try to get physically roomantic with you that a wolf has jumped out of sheep's clothing. He is a man after all, and physical love is just as much a part of the package of a complete relationship as is a noble courting effort. It has to feel right and be timed right for both parties, but once that happens, its on, right?

  9. #9
    Senior Member "?"'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    MBTI
    TiSe
    Posts
    1,167

    Default

    These may help, but ESTPs will be able to most likely tell you which types they are attracted to the most. From Personality Page
    ESTPs are enthusiastic and friendly people who approach everything in a Big way. They can be extremely charming, especially in the beginning of a relationship. They're also quite generous, and known for "sweeping their partners off their feet". They're very sensual and earthy, and are usually live fast-paced lives where their focus is on the present moment. They bring a lot of fun and energy into their personal relationships.

    Commitment is not a strong point for the ESTP. Living almost entirely in the present moment, they're not comfortable with making plans far in advance for their future. If this tendency is not addressed in the ESTP, they may fall into a pattern of jumping from relationship to relationship without ever making a real commitment. If this is okay with the ESTP, then that behavior is fine. Most people at some point in their lives do wish to settle down. If the ESTP reaches that point, there's no reason they can't make a commitment as long as they consciously renew it to themselves daily.

    Sexually, the ESTP approaches intimacy as a tangible, fun way to make the most of the relationship in the present moment. They're keenly aware of their senses, and so are very sensual and earthy lovers. They are likely to view intimacy from a lighter, physical perspective rather than as an opportunity for expressing a lot of verbal affection and affirmation. If partnered with someone who has the Feeling preference, they should consciously make the effort to sometimes verbally express affection during intimacy.

    ESTP's are not naturally in tune with what others are feeling, and may lack in the areas of giving affirmation, gratitude, and support to their partners. They tend to believe that actions speak louder than words, and so don't understand the need to say things which should be obvious. Types with the Feeling preference require positive feedback in a way that ESTPs don't. The best gift that the ESTP partner can give to their Feeling mate is often the expression of their love.

    Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, ESTP's natural partner is the ISFJ, or the ISTJ. ESTP's dominant function of Extraverted Sensing is best matched with a personality type that is dominated by Introverted Sensing.
    From Lifexplore
    For the ESTP, love means finding someone to have fun with, sharing life's ups and avoiding life's downs. When an ESTP sees and intended partner as one with whom many exciting experiences can be shared, the ESTP will use persuasiveness and his or her outward, fun-loving orientation to impress and win the chosen partner. The ESTP may view this as a challenge and may use whatever expedient means are available. ESTPs enjoy falling in love but do so quite practically by finding common ground with their loved one. This companionship aspect, in which activities can be jointly pursued, is important to them.

    Generally, ESTPs can be fairly straightforward about the more sensual side of love, regarding it as a major part of life's enjoyment. They may like parties, and entertainment that has an earthy undertone, seeing these activities as a part of life not to be taken too seriously. For ESTPs in relationships, too much daily routine can feel confining and boring. When this happens, they are likely to"liven" things up by surprising their partners with a second honeymoon, a large or extravagant gift, or some other tangible expression of their love.

    When scorned, ESTPs may wallow in their grief for some time, then decide that such behaviour is impractical and therefore cut their losses and move on. ESTPs usually approach the breakup of a relationship with a fairly straightforward and realistic orientation. After they have dealt with the emotional part, it is as if fate has taken its course. It is as though they might say, "The relationship is over. Life dealt me a blow, and it's time to move on."

    The relative rarity of the ESTP's opposite on the intuitive side, INFJ (about 1 percent compared to the ESTP's 15 percent), means that such matings will be quite infrequent, as they should be. Imagine an oracle married to a wheeler-dealer! We should, however, be mindful that, whatever our own political beliefs, our more spectacular Presidents (J.F. Kennedy, L.B. Johnson, T. Roosevelt, F.D. Roosevelt) were ESTP "promoters" without peer. It would be a fascinating study to check on the temperament of their wives to see if any married their oracular INFJ opposites.

    The seemingly correct-and, we can assume, attractive-choice is the ISFJ "conservator." Such complementarily should work out rather nicely, especially if the promoter is male and the conservator is female.
    Personally I am attracted to introverted types more than extraverted, so the whole notion that opposites attract flies out the window for me.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    1,702

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Duchessoftheshadows View Post
    //////////
    Hi unique,
    do you have examples of the sarcasm they use for fun?
    when i looked up the definition coy

    coy (koi)
    adj. coy∑er, coy∑est
    2. Affectedly and usually flirtatiously shy or modest.
    (Unique does this sound about right? i could see the guy i'm thinking of having this style he's rather laid back and not to obvious about it but was direct with asking my number but hasn't really tried to call.
    I forgot he also asked "you want to chill sometime" to which i got nervous and said "uh umm" then he took my number
    (does he want me to come and find him? I don't want to appear desperate xD cause i'm not. )

    ? when you are spending 80% of your time putting effort into a girl you like what are the things you do with that effort if you don't mind me asking?
    would this be where your coy?
    //////
    Yeah thats essentially it

    Notice I didn't actually use the word "effort" I said 80% "focus", I see coy as a way of not coming off as desperate, laid back, a bit of hard to get, 'enable' you so that you end up making the effort

    I'm not sure if all ESTPs do it but assumptions = fun

    "You love me"

    are you two together?

    "Well shes attracted to me, so you better not ask too many questions like that"

    whats that you're wearing?

    "you find it attractive huh?" or "you love it"

    I also have selective hearing and just go off on tangents... you know if you end up hearing some crazy stories then its probably just us keeping you entertained...

    I think I was walking home with my Ex once and something reminded me of a funny story that was actually originally told to me by a different ESTP but I claimed it for my own and it was hilarious

    Also ESTPs like to surprise you, they might even hide behind things and jump out... there's a big kid in every ESTP

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFP] Any ENFPs Been in Relationships with ENTJs?
    By nomadic in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 94
    Last Post: 05-09-2015, 01:51 AM
  2. [NF] Values in Relationships
    By disregard in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 12-18-2008, 06:43 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO