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  1. #1

    Default jeez...

    well first I thought I was an ISFJ, then an ISFP, now I'm pretty positive I'm an ISTP. it's really frustrating because I was so sure I was those other types!

    but once I read this:

    "One day, they may feel completely, intensely in love with their mate, and the next day they may be totally disinterested, or perhaps even ready to move on. This "live for the moment" type of approach is different from how most other types experience their feelings, and is difficult for many to understand. Consequently, the ISTP may be called "fickle" or "cold". In fact, they are not really fickle, and certainly not cold. They simply experience their lives on a moment by moment basis, and go along with it's natural flow."

    I knew for sure that I was ISTP. what was said in that quote been a problem I've had with my girlfriend since day one, and I haven't told her a thing about it. she's always telling me how much she misses me and it's really difficult for me to tell her I don't miss her, because more often than not I don't.

    and that's my problem right now! one minute I feel extremely connected and lovey dovey with her, true love etc, like deep fucking feelings for her. five minutes later, I could look at a picture of her and not feel those feelings at all. it really sucks because I really care about her and she deserves better than that

    can anyone help with this? how can an ISTP have feelings for someone and keep those feelings?

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by warm8 View Post
    well first I thought I was an ISFJ, then an ISFP, now I'm pretty positive I'm an ISTP. it's really frustrating because I was so sure I was those other types!

    but once I read this:

    "One day, they may feel completely, intensely in love with their mate, and the next day they may be totally disinterested, or perhaps even ready to move on. This "live for the moment" type of approach is different from how most other types experience their feelings, and is difficult for many to understand. Consequently, the ISTP may be called "fickle" or "cold". In fact, they are not really fickle, and certainly not cold. They simply experience their lives on a moment by moment basis, and go along with it's natural flow."

    I knew for sure that I was ISTP. what was said in that quote been a problem I've had with my girlfriend since day one, and I haven't told her a thing about it. she's always telling me how much she misses me and it's really difficult for me to tell her I don't miss her, because more often than not I don't.

    and that's my problem right now! one minute I feel extremely connected and lovey dovey with her, true love etc, like deep fucking feelings for her. five minutes later, I could look at a picture of her and not feel those feelings at all. it really sucks because I really care about her and she deserves better than that

    can anyone help with this? how can an ISTP have feelings for someone and keep those feelings?
    Pretty much the only way my feelings for someone stay the same is if everything else in my life stays the same and everything about that person stays the same, and even then it's not necessarily a guarantee. Well, ok, that might be a little exaggerated, but I mean, aside from about 2 friends, my feelings about other people change pretty frequently, depending on the actions those individuals take and the mood I'm in. Unfortunately (or, in a couple of cases, maybe fortunately) this also means that the romantic feelings I have towards someone may literally be there one day gone the next (assuming they even last a day haha). Maybe it's because 'I haven't met the right person' or maybe it's the ISTP-ness* of my personality, either way, long term feelings/commitment towards someone just isn't me.

    Hope this helps, if you have specific questions I'm better at answering those.



    *Say that out loud, if you're as immature as me, you'll get a kick out of it.

  3. #3
    Your time is gonna come. Oom's Avatar
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    I'm exactly the same way with my girlfriend. It worries me a lot and I feel so bad for her. She needs better.

    Now you've got me thinking that I'm an ISTP dammit!:steam:

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    LOL... when I first read that...my first reaction was... an ISTP would never mistake themselves as an F. But then I realized... it may be completely different for the guy ISTP than a female ISTP in this aspect (i.e.... in a very stereotypical sense... women are supposed to be sensitive, nurturing, etc, etc, and I'm usually described as "unfeeling."). But then I realized... although most people wouldn't describe me as "friendly", they -do- see me as considerate and respectful of others' beliefs/feelings/ideas (mostly Ts and SFs view me as this). Maybe that might be mistaken as more "sensitive" for a guy while more "cold" as a woman, when it's really an in-between (possibly..?)?

    ..anyways... to stop myself from digressing too much...I assess peoples' personality types by relating them to others' personality types I feel confident I know. For instance, I can't see my ISFP cousin being able to relate to that very well. And an SJ... well... I'm not so sure it's easy for them to admit continuously changing their mind. Every SJ I know would rather just settle for one decision, and while -very- capable of seeing others' points, would change their mind only through a proved experimentation or a valid point and/or logical process. Or at the very least, they're not as able to admit changing their mind as easily as it would be for an SP.

    So yeah... Long story short, I would agree you're an ISTP (Even though I know other personality types are capable of that description... out of the three you thought you were, ISTP is definitely the most likely)

    Now... to answer your question... I've struggled with that too. I've been criticized about it, and I've felt guilty about it on my own accord as well. I've come to realize... it all boils down to how you respond to certain personality temperaments. I've often thought I've struggled to see eye-to-eye with NFs. SJs I get along surprisingly well with... A particular ESTJ kept my interest by giving me the space I -requested- (as in... they will reciprocate on what you ask for, as hard as it is for ISTPs to "ask for things" from others) while giving me enough attention at the same time. SPs are awesome, but I think that would be a hard relationship to maintain with two somewhat impulsive partners. And NTs... well... I get along with them great as friends, but it's hard to maintain a relationship when you have polar interests (i.e., they may focus on a -LOT- of theory while it can be really taxing for me). I dated an INTP for 3 years...We were a lot a like, but would always focus on completely different things of a subject. For instance... As a math major, I liked it because I liked to solve problems. As an engineer, he liked math because he wanted to know all the possible meanings, possibilities, theories, etc. At the end of the day... it was exhausting... and sometimes boring. Sometimes I think for me personally, I'm meant to be with a fellow S... and right now I'm more inclined to think on an ESTJ as a good match up (I forget which MBTI expert thought the ideal match up was keeping the middle two letters the same while switching the first and last letters, but I think they're definitely onto something). Then again, that's based on the limited people I know, eh? ENs are very intriguing to me as well, but I'm not inclined to think it will be an "easy" long-term commitment.

    Anyways.. just some thoughts... I know it didn't answer your question to-the-point, but maybe it'll give you some ideas Basically... don't feel that you're lacking because you don't act the way you're "supposed" to... just know that there may be someone completely different than you're used to that can capture and hold your interest, without you even having to put a huge amount of effort or thought into it! I swear... they exist!

  5. #5
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    I can definitely relate to this. For awhile I've been going in circles over my type - I will have these moments where I don't think I'm an ISTP at all. These moments are when my feeling is very active. I'm either really in the zone and relating to and understanding how others feel (Fe) or really paying attention and getting a grasp for how I feel (Fi) about things.

    This seems so unusual to the typical "unfeeling" ISTPs here, so I start to wonder if maybe I'm an ISFP. But I always circle back around in that if I were Fi dominant, my feelings would be consistent.


    I'm never insensitive in the sense that I don't care about your feelings, it's always out of ignorance. If I simply knew I could do something differently to make you feel better, and what effect that would have, then I would do it. But when people around me are feeling bad, and they don't tell me that they need or want something, and I stay my normal self, people perceive this as insensitive. I don't appreciate this AT ALL because I know this is not me. If you were to ever approach me and tell me that something I did or said, or didn't do or say, made you feel negatively, I would feel horribly and apologize sincerely. But when people misunderstand me, and create expectations for me that I don't feel capable of meeting, it makes me resentful, and I will push that person away.

    Essentially, I want to love people and make them know I do, but I'm just never certain what to do to acheive that. It's like I can't read your mind and know what you want from me based on what you're feeling, so I don't do anything.

    So this on this, I'm certain that I'm ISTP, because my Fe is quite inferior. What I know is even more inferior and weak than that is my Fi, in that only sometimes I can understand and communicate how I feel about something or someone, but during these times it's incredibly strong. But then when I'm out of this zone, which I realize is actually most of the time, I don't know how I feel about anything.

    I've never been in a relationship before, but if I had a girlfriend, I'd be concerned about how easily my feelings change. It's not that the feeling itself changes, it's the intensity in which I experience that feeling. It's not that I quit loving someone, it's that I'm no longer experiencing an intense feeling of love that I was experiencing and communicating to you yesterday. It has to do with me living and experiencing things in the moment. If I feel intensely about something at that moment, I can realize it and communicate about it.


    I knew for sure that I was ISTP. what was said in that quote been a problem I've had with my girlfriend since day one, and I haven't told her a thing about it. she's always telling me how much she misses me and it's really difficult for me to tell her I don't miss her, because more often than not I don't.

    and that's my problem right now! one minute I feel extremely connected and lovey dovey with her, true love etc, like deep fucking feelings for her. five minutes later, I could look at a picture of her and not feel those feelings at all. it really sucks because I really care about her and she deserves better than that
    So what you said here is exactly how I explained it works for me. It's all about intensity of feeling - if it's intense we know what that feeling is and we can communicate and experience that feeling with others. When it's not, it's difficult to talk about it.

    I'm not sure what you should do, but if anything, I think you should tell her you miss her, even if you aren't feeling that intensely at the moment.

  6. #6
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    I go through this -- I'll shock myself by not feeling loving feelings for my s.o. but that passes and then I know I'm in love with him again. I chock it up to moods.

    Quote Originally Posted by warm8 View Post
    well first I thought I was an ISFJ, then an ISFP, now I'm pretty positive I'm an ISTP. it's really frustrating because I was so sure I was those other types!

    but once I read this:

    "One day, they may feel completely, intensely in love with their mate, and the next day they may be totally disinterested, or perhaps even ready to move on. This "live for the moment" type of approach is different from how most other types experience their feelings, and is difficult for many to understand. Consequently, the ISTP may be called "fickle" or "cold". In fact, they are not really fickle, and certainly not cold. They simply experience their lives on a moment by moment basis, and go along with it's natural flow."

    I knew for sure that I was ISTP. what was said in that quote been a problem I've had with my girlfriend since day one, and I haven't told her a thing about it. she's always telling me how much she misses me and it's really difficult for me to tell her I don't miss her, because more often than not I don't.

    and that's my problem right now! one minute I feel extremely connected and lovey dovey with her, true love etc, like deep fucking feelings for her. five minutes later, I could look at a picture of her and not feel those feelings at all. it really sucks because I really care about her and she deserves better than that

    can anyone help with this? how can an ISTP have feelings for someone and keep those feelings?

  7. #7
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    I think it has to do with our personality of experiencing things best and to the fullest in the moment.

    Which is why when we're in that moment with our loved ones, experiencing intense feelings and communicating those feelings by showing affection, they should be appreciative and understand there must be something special about this particular moment.

    Then when in another moment and it's life as usual for me, and the feeling is no longer intense and I'm not in the mindset where I can whisper sweet nothings, instead of hating me for not loving you like I did yesterday, you can remember yesterday and know what the special times are like.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    It's not that the feeling itself changes, it's the intensity in which I experience that feeling. It's not that I quit loving someone, it's that I'm no longer experiencing an intense feeling of love that I was experiencing and communicating to you yesterday. It has to do with me living and experiencing things in the moment. If I feel intensely about something at that moment, I can realize it and communicate about it.
    this is what I'm concerned about. I don't want that at all!

    like honestly, I just got back from a trip out of town and didn't see my girlfriend for a few days, and I was feeling really distant and when I called her it felt like I was talking to a stranger. and now I'm home, and I hear her voice and my feelings for her came back full blast and the distant feeling was gone. then a few minutes after she hung up, the feeling went to mediocre.

    Which is why when we're in that moment with our loved ones, experiencing intense feelings and communicating those feelings by showing affection, they should be appreciative and understand there must be something special about this particular moment.

    Then when in another moment and it's life as usual for me, and the feeling is no longer intense and I'm not in the mindset where I can whisper sweet nothings, instead of hating me for not loving you like I did yesterday, you can remember yesterday and know what the special times are like.
    see, that just sounds really awful to me. what if those feelings lose their intensity long enough for me to not want to be with her anymore? I really want to be with her for a long time and I'm horrified that this mindset won't allow it

  9. #9
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    My boyfriend is an ISTP. Then again, he is 10 years older, so has had time to "settle down". It amazes me the depth of feeling he has continued to have all this time. And I find it is extremely genuine, something I think you would be more likely to find in Sensors than Intuitives because it is so simple and matter of fact. Perhaps you haven't met the right person.

  10. #10

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    My boyfriend is an ISTP. Then again, he is 10 years older, so has had time to "settle down". It amazes me the depth of feeling he has continued to have all this time. And I find it is extremely genuine. Perhaps you haven't met the right person.
    trust me, I have. I think I just have some growing up to do. (apparently it goes away with age)

    btw, my girlfriend is ENFP if that helps anyone answer my question.

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