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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by seamaid View Post

    Sorry, but that's my spiel on what is probably an unhealthy ESFP.
    That doesn´t sound like an unhealthy ESFP to me. More like female jealousy to be honest.

  2. #32
    Senior Member seamaid's Avatar
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    Actually you are correct, I'd be totally lying if I denied any jealousy on my part regarding her. She's got the extroversion and the charm I really wish I had. BUT I'm also pretty honest with myself and I don't think I'm completely imagining the subtle little digs she does and says to me that make me feel as if I can't totally trust her. And if they aren't really "digs" and I'm just interpreting them that way, then perhaps her way of being friends is just different from mine.

  3. #33
    Senior Member mcmartinez84's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seamaid View Post
    All of this describes my istp boyfriend's esfp female friend and why I strangely feel uneasy whenever I'm around her. Outwardly she's "nice", outgoing and charming. But try as I might to give her the benefit of the doubt, each interaction with her leaves me feeling stressed out and bad about myself. She does these subtle guilt trips, power plays, petty competitive one-ups that make me think she wants something out of me (acquiescence?), all while giving the sweetest smile. Her "compliments" to me sound condescending, like she's granting me a big favor: "Oh my god, I'm one of those girls who would never paint her nails, but after seeing yours, I want YOU to paint my nails!" Um, sure...

    I don't know. My bf thinks she's really great (that is, fun), but I feel like she needs to be "princess" all the time and have everyone (and definitely every guy) see her that way. She's actually quite emotionally unstable, has these fantasies of being someone unique and amazing (but even these qualities are almost "cliched uniqueness" like being proud that you're a hippie or a "Rasta"), but isn't actually doing anything with her life.

    Sorry, but that's my spiel on what is probably an unhealthy ESFP.
    The ESFP I mentioned does little crap like that. She's full of talk and rarely comes thru with anything. I don't think it's all female jealousy unless I'm being just as jealous. This girl dishes out compliments to the people that she *needs* to for her own benefit. I'll be damned if she gives a genuine compliment to someone. She seems to do that strategically to make people feel liked...and not because she cares, but because she'll want something from them or she thinks she has to play nice. My version of playing nice is being civil around someone, not pretending that we're great friends (which is what she does). And when I want something from someone, I'll just ask for it. I don't butter people up first.
    I 65.63% E 34.38%
    S 68.75% N 31.25%
    T 87.1% F 12.9%
    P 66.67% J 33.33%

  4. #34
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by seamaid View Post
    Actually you are correct, I'd be totally lying if I denied any jealousy on my part regarding her. She's got the extroversion and the charm I really wish I had. BUT I'm also pretty honest with myself and I don't think I'm completely imagining the subtle little digs she does and says to me that make me feel as if I can't totally trust her. And if they aren't really "digs" and I'm just interpreting them that way, then perhaps her way of being friends is just different from mine.
    Yea, I'll be honest, after reading your post, she actually sounded perfectly fine. I almost commented, but I know that feeling that I get when someone is just not right, or just a little too fake- or whatever. And then I decided against posting because I figured your instincts were probably accurate.
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  5. #35
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    Angry

    Forgive me for what will probably be a very long and unnecessarily detailed post. I need to vent. My mother is an extremely unhealthy ESFP in a "dysfunctional," to put it mildly, marriage with an INTJ (her shadow type—just imagine all the drama I've had to put up with over the years, and you'll understand my need to vent). And I still live at home.

    -Utterly obsessed with physical appearance. Constantly complaining about the same physical imperfections over and over. Wears tons of makeup.

    -Wears really flashy, gaudy, often too-tight clothes and then complains when people stare at her. Is constantly paranoid that people are laughing at her appearance even when they're not (inferior Ni).

    -As someone else said, has the "logic of a 5 year old." If anything doesn't work out exactly the way she wants it to, even something trivial, she has to blame it on something (though never herself). Even if it's something that can't be helped, like bad weather, she'll yell at someone else as if it's they're fault because they're not fixing it.

    -Likes to claim that she's very intuitive, when all the examples she gives are things that should be common sense. Likes to talk about how she picks up on "vibes" and "feelings" and "energy," when her predictions are about things that anyone with a functional brain could deduct logically (inferior Ni, maybe?).

    -Is obnoxiously upbeat one minute, and hysterically angry/despairing the next. Screams, cries, throws things, may become violent (towards others or herself).

    -Does random acts of kindness for people and talks about the importance of helping others. But just as (if not more) often, is completely devoid of empathy or common decency. Tears people apart without remorse, a lot of times criticizing them for the very things that she is guilty of to an even greater degree.

    -Comes across as very fake and over-the-top in interactions with other people. Exaggerated facial expressions, big smile, wide-eyed interest, voice dripping with sickeningly false sincerity, laughs too loudly, etc.

    -Still brings up ways that people wronged her years and years ago. Repeats the same sob stories over and over, like a broken record. You can't have a conversation with her without it devolving into this. You can be talking about something completely unrelated and she will always bring the conversation back to this, because it's her internal mantra. She sees everything through this self-centered, victimized filter.

    -Does things that she knows will irritate you, and persists even when you ask her to stop. Then when you get mad at her, she tries to make you feel guilty for getting mad. She pushes people's buttons just so she can get a reaction, and reinforce her victimized self-image when you blow up at her.

    -Asks for your opinion, say, on what she's wearing, but if you tell her you don't like it she either blows up or tries to make you feel guilty for putting her down.

    -Premeditates all the petty ways she can get back at people who she believes have wronged her. Refers to this as "killing with kindness," which is just a euphemism for "passive aggressiveness" that enables her to believe she's the bigger person.

    -Irresponsible and always late. Waits until it's time to leave to start getting ready (which takes forever because she's indecisive, and she wears tons of makeup and jewelry). If she can't find one little accessory, she panics and barks out orders for everyone in the house to help her search for it. No one leaves until it's found, even if that makes you an hour late.

    -Can't stick with a job because she gets involved in work drama. Very oversensitive and can't deal with the rudeness from others that is a part of everyday life. Believes that everyone is conspiring against her. Sometimes her paranoia causes her to act out, which *does* cause people to conspire against her, which only reinforces her behavior.

    -Makes random generalizations that don't make any sense, and acts as if they're facts.

    -Judges everything by its image (extreme Se). Even when it comes to religion, she'll choose one church over another because she likes the way it's decorated, or how the people there dress. She doesn't know anything about doctrine. She thinks the trivial, mundane things are what characterize something, but has no grasp on actual substance.

    -Randomly switches to a different topic in the middle of a sentence and acts like you're stupid for not following.

    -Makes generalizations based on experience. For example, because she grew up in the 70s, she considers herself the 70s expert. But everything she says about the 70s is based on her specific experience as a kid living in a small town with a distinct type of people (and again, everything is image-based). If you asked her to describe the social or political climate of the 70s, or major events, or anything that *really* characterized the time, it would go over her head.

    -Tries to be endearingly eccentric, like a sitcom character—but just comes off as really annoying. Develops quirks just so she can constantly point them out to people, thinking that they'll find her cute/amusing (they don't). She tries to be unique, but she's actually emulating something/someone else.

    -Sometimes speaks of "changing herself," but what she proposes to do would only change her appearance. This is because appearance is everything to her. She thinks that if she starts wearing simple business clothes and glasses, she will be (not just look) "intelligent."

    -Holds a grudge against intelligent people because she's insecure about her own intelligence. Acts like academics are all pretentious and arrogant. If you use a word she doesn't understand (usually not even a very big word), she accuses you of trying to make her feel stupid.

    -Tries to attract a rescuer. Sees herself as an innocent victim, takes no responsibility for the outcome of her choices ("so and so made me do it"), never rises above negative outside influences and thus robs herself of control. At the same time that she gives others authority in this way, she resists valid forms of authority.

    -Thinks that she can continue to wrong people as long as she apologizes every time.

    -Helter-skelter and disorganized, both inwardly and outwardly, yet expects everyone else to be on top of things. If she can't find something, she blames you for not being able to find it for her.

    -Has no sense of subtlety or refinement. Loves anything that is extremely kitschy. Fancies herself an interior designer because she clutters the house with any pretty bauble she comes across, regardless of whether it matches (or if there is room for it).

    -Scoffs at people who undertake any sort of study, because she thinks her natural skills are superior to theirs. She doesn't think she has to put forth any effort to outdo a professional. She's actually terrible at most of the things she thinks she's good at.

    ........Okay, I'm gonna stop here, even though I could go on, because this is getting way too lengthy. I just.... needed to vent. I tried to limit the list to unhealthy ESFP behaviors, but I apologize if a lot of these are specific to my mom. I'm still learning about MBTI so sometimes it's hard for me to make the distinction.

  6. #36
    Junior Member Violator's Avatar
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    Uhealthy? How about just regular ESFPs?

    1. Annoying laugh. Loves lame slapstick/ toilet humor

    2. Alcoholic. Acts like an idiot in public; makes a scene

    3. Horrible in bed; possesses no sensuality and acts if they are acting out the how-to-give-a-bj from a book they've read

    4. Into their looks, materialistic, superficial

    5. Emotional, creepy people who complain about how everyone is out to get them; no sense of logic

    6. Loves ugly art

    7. Makes good party hostesses

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Seraphim View Post

    -Holds a grudge against intelligent people because she's insecure about her own intelligence. Acts like academics are all pretentious and arrogant. If you use a word she doesn't understand (usually not even a very big word), she accuses you of trying to make her feel stupid.
    Reminds me of the unhealthy ESFP I know. She talks a lot crap about me when she thinks I can´t hear her. She thinks I sound like I´m trying to be snobbish when I´m just talking like I always do.

  8. #38
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    becomes a whore to make up for something else. Throws themselves into situations where they could become the next Black Dahlia if they aren't too careful.

    over-analyzes things involving other people. Sees things said or done to them by others in a negative light even though no harm was actually intended.

    corrects others and/or argues points they know little about to impress others. My sister is an ESFP (arguably an unhealthy one at that) and she does this a lot.

  9. #39
    #005645 phthalocyanine's Avatar
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    unhealthy:

    - addresses problems/complains just to vent negative emotions, not to formulate viable solutions

    - refuses to take responsibility for their own feelings and actions

    - blames others for their problems

    - refuses to reciprocate patient listening of others' problems, or simply glosses over them and changes the subject back to something about themselves

    - extremely jealous and spiteful, expresses desire to undermine others or to see them suffer; believes "an eye for an eye" is fair

    - insistent that vulgar, loud, offensive behavior is not their problem, but others'; "if they don't like it, too bad" attitude

    - over-indulgent and reckless; self-defeating and self-pitying, rationalizes unhealthy behavior along the lines of "i suffered, so now i deserve to indulge myself"

    - helps others with self in mind, i.e. wants to be rewarded or venerated as a great person for what they did

    - demands a great deal of attention

    - idealizes people and situations and often becomes gravely disappointed; always expects more

    - argumentative, "always right" attitude

    - push/pull behavior that begs for help and then violently rejects it


    healthy:

    - fosters great enjoyment for everyone around them by being gregarious, inclusive, upbeat, and fun

    - helps people see that humor is often the best medicine; shares their clever wit and strong aptitude for physical humor

    - very caring and fiercely protective of their loved ones

    - exhibits great style and flair

    - friendly and kind; expresses affection and admiration freely and easily

    - blunt and honest, but with a sense of acceptance and real concern for the other

    - shares their interesting collection of music, movies, etc for the enjoyment and interest of their friends

    - reveals a somewhat hidden depth of thought and feeling in candid conversation

    - shows a sweet, vulnerable side that is genuinely eager to make everyone happy in their own way

    - shows an awareness and appreciation for the specific things people enjoy

    - is quite generous with what they have; want to spread enjoyment around to be shared among everyone

    "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.."
    -Oscar Wilde


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  10. #40
    Senior Member defragmybrain's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tawanda View Post
    I agree...I know a couple ESFPs, and there's no way they're independent. They insist that there is someone around them at all times.
    in a working/collaborative environment or task i PREFER someone is around me - but in the real world, i LOVE being alone and independent. its a very highly valued trait for me.
    but then again i'm a very low E... of 33%
    - From your fun-loving ESFP.
    Se/Fi/Te/Ni, 44% E / 88% S / 62% F / 67% P

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