[ISTP] What are ISTP women like?

[runvardh]

I don't mean to blast, but of all the MB types that I have met, ISTP's are the worst for me to get along with. I've had 3 female ISTP friends, all relationships ended horribly. They all were terribly wishy-washy. One minute I'd get a email "ILOVEYOU!" the next they'd be bitching me out. They would constantly, constantly poke and prod at me just to stir up some type of reaction. Whenever I showed any sort of emotion (which I do all of the time, being an INFP) they would tease and act immaturely, saying "You're too sensitive!" They all were extremely manipulative, using my naive loyalty for wrong doing and not supplying any emotional support whatsoever.

Anyway, needless to say, my interaction with female ISTP's have not been pleasant.

LOL! I understand where this is coming from, hopefully you'll see where the following comes from.

When they poke, you poke back. It's jab for jab, wise crack for wise crack; no room for weakness. Our tendancy to over-react can at best bother them and at worst make them want to do it more just for the reaction. I figure if it's going to happen might as well enjoy it instead of get bent out of shape over it.

Thinking of an intimate relationship with one, I'd only be concerned about balancing together time with alone time and who would end up doing most of the work around the house.

 

[Shelovesyoumaybe]

Just out of curiosity... how young were they when all that happened?

Two of them are from 3-5 years ago, and were pretty young/immature. One of them I'm currently in the middle of a falling out with, and she's like 4-5 years younger then me. Unlike the other 2, this one in particular seemed very emotionally sensitive, mature, but she's proven otherwise because she's definitely not mature and balanced like you're explaining!

Bottom line, those don't sound like balanced out ISTPs... While I can understand if they've left a bad taste in your mouth, it might not hurt to give us another chance?

I completely understand your point. Of course, I'm not going to judge another ISTP just because my experiences have been bad thus far. I didn't want to come off that way in my post (I probably need to let go of the spite and hurt, huh?) anyway, I'd love to be proven wrong!!

The ISTP guy friend I know, always used to tell me "you're too sensitive!" after I tried to share my heartfelt thoughts with him. Very hurtful. He also definitely liked getting a rise out of me and found it "cute" when I was mad... which only made me more annoyed.

Ah, all 3 did that to me! They would get a kick out of whenever I'd get annoyed or something. Eventually, I have and still need to learn to control my emotions a bit better.

I wonder if you would get along with an ISTP guy. Maybe the dualities thing only works with same sex friendships.

Hm, I don't think I've ever met one. I'd be very interested in doing so, though.

When they poke, you poke back. It's jab for jab, wise crack for wise crack; no room for weakness. Our tendancy to over-react can at best bother them and at worst make them want to do it more just for the reaction. I figure if it's going to happen might as well enjoy it instead of get bent out of shape over it.

Yeah, you're completely right. Sigh. I suppose I need to just learn to under react, and maybe it'll be easier to be with them.

 

[runvardh]

Yeah, you're completely right. Sigh. I suppose I need to just learn to under react, and maybe it'll be easier to be with them.

Just remember not to get too up tight or you scare them away. A good thing to try might be to change your mind from seeing them as attacks and more like play. It's difficult at first, but it starts to work it's way into your attitude more as you go.

Then again, I'm mostly used to this because I have an ESFP and an ISFP for brothers.

 

[Shelovesyoumaybe]

Just remember not to get too up tight or you scare them away. A good thing to try might be to change your mind from seeing them as attacks and more like play. It's difficult at first, but it starts to work it's way into your attitude more as you go.

Then again, I'm mostly used to this because I have an ESFP and an ISFP for brothers.

Okay, thank you for the advice, miss evil kitty.
I'll start working on it pronto - I really, really want to be able to get along with every type of person. I don't want to become the type that doesn't including and singles people out just because of my insecurities.

 

[Verfremdungseffekt]

You know Starbuck, from the re-envisioned Battlestar Galactica? Like that, though not necessarily so damaged.

Right now one of my closest friends is an ISTP. She's vivacious, goofy, optimistic -- ready to take anyone at face value, and sit and listen and nod, then offer an objective view of what they need to do to improve their situation, based in her own experience. A perfect bartender. Which makes sense, as she works in a cafe now and has bartended before.

She loves to do stuff -- to snowboard and ride motorcycles and play tennis, and is quick to invite anyone along for the ride. What you'll never get her to do is stick to a plan. You can intend to go somewhere with her in the afternoon, and unless you stay physically beside her, she'll forget all about your plans together and will go off on whatever whim strikes her. Not out of carelessness, and it's not a snub; it's just the way she is.

Anything that's in front of her, though, might as well be the only thing that exists. Which is great, if you're the thing in front of her!

She's very bright, but not particularly intellectual. It's more based in keen observation and practical experience. She's empathetic, but fairly detached. "It's all okay" might as well be her motto.

Right now she's in a relationship with a clingy, broken ISFP dude. She loves him, but she's beyond her patience. She feels like it's not her right to just go dump the guy, so she is waiting for a solid reason to break up with him. I think he's presented several, but at the last minute she keeps backing out, and -- weirdly -- conceding to even tighter demands from him. As if he had any ground to stand on.

The other day I got an IM from her while I was napping. I woke about an hour later and called her. This was maybe seven in the evening. She answered with a whisper, and said she couldn't talk because her boyfriend was asleep, but she'd get on the computer.

The situation was, he had been asleep all day, on the floor, in the middle of the studio apartment they share. She wasn't allowed to leave the apartment without him, and wasn't allowed to speak on the phone with anyone when she was with him. She couldn't make any noise, lest she wake him. She couldn't turn on any lights, lest she wake him. She had made dinner for him, and he refused to eat it and went back to sleep.

She was wishing, idly, that she could go to a restaurant around the corner. As if it were a nice, but impossible, dream. I suggested she go, decompress, get something cheap. Leave her boyfriend a note, so he felt like he was in the loop. Just get out of the situation, for an hour at least. She shrugged, so we talked about penny farthings and mustaches for a while.

Eventually her boyfriend woke up and found our chat log. She got in big trouble for talking to someone behind his back. Her response? The equivalent of "yes, dear", and then deleting the chat client. The next day I suggested that she wasn't actually solving any problems here, and she shrugged. Well, whatever. He wasn't there at the moment, so the topic was too abstract to worry about.

 

[runvardh]

Okay, thank you for the advice, miss evil kitty.
I'll start working on it pronto - I really, really want to be able to get along with every type of person. I don't want to become the type that doesn't including and singles people out just because of my insecurities.

Eh, I'm a dick not a chick... ^_^

Aderack - That sounds like a situation I would "exit stage gone" on. My patience for such a low comprehension of cause and effect is low and seems to be dropping steadily. I can't go with my roommate to see one of his friends because of how much I feel like getting into lecture mode when he opens his mouth about his wife.

 

[Randomnity]

Ummm...I know this is a tangent but wtf. That sounds like a very unhealthy, borderline abusive relationship.

Right now she's in a relationship with a clingy, broken ISFP dude. She loves him, but she's beyond her patience. She feels like it's not her right to just go dump the guy, so she is waiting for a solid reason to break up with him. I think he's presented several, but at the last minute she keeps backing out, and -- weirdly -- conceding to even tighter demands from him. As if he had any ground to stand on.

The other day I got an IM from her while I was napping. I woke about an hour later and called her. This was maybe seven in the evening. She answered with a whisper, and said she couldn't talk because her boyfriend was asleep, but she'd get on the computer.

The situation was, he had been asleep all day, on the floor, in the middle of the studio apartment they share. She wasn't allowed to leave the apartment without him, and wasn't allowed to speak on the phone with anyone when she was with him. She couldn't make any noise, lest she wake him. She couldn't turn on any lights, lest she wake him. She had made dinner for him, and he refused to eat it and went back to sleep.

She was wishing, idly, that she could go to a restaurant around the corner. As if it were a nice, but impossible, dream. I suggested she go, decompress, get something cheap. Leave her boyfriend a note, so he felt like he was in the loop. Just get out of the situation, for an hour at least. She shrugged, so we talked about penny farthings and mustaches for a while.

Eventually her boyfriend woke up and found our chat log. She got in big trouble for talking to someone behind his back. Her response? The equivalent of "yes, dear", and then deleting the chat client. The next day I suggested that she wasn't actually solving any problems here, and she shrugged. Well, whatever. He wasn't there at the moment, so the topic was too abstract to worry about.

again, W.T.F.

Is your friend aware that this isn't a normal relationship? Also, it's very non-ISTP-like to put up with extreme controlling behaviour like that...and that makes me think again that this is a very unhealthy situation.

does she have low self-esteem and think she can't do any better? or just unable to let go?

 

[Shelovesyoumaybe]

Eh, I'm a dick not a chick... ^_^

Oh, my bad.

 

[Verfremdungseffekt]

I know this doesn't sound like textbook ISTP behavior; that's in part why I brought it up. There's a vague mush of reason that I can sense for all of this, that seems to fit, but I haven't put it all in a line yet.

She's deeply ambivalent about the situation, and seems conflicted about her options. Lately she's been getting a wave of calls from all manner of men she once knew, who all suddenly decided to see what she was up to in her life -- yet she seems to have this idea that no one worthwhile will ever be interested in her. Which is ludicrous, if you knew her.

She's talked to me a few times about how her current boyfriend -- this is the longest relationship she's been in. So she feels like she's past the point of easy escape. They've been together for several years, and I think over that whole time he's kept her on such a short leash that she hasn't really had the time or space to sort out what she needs to do. Which may be deliberate on his part.

See, the whole problem with him is that he won't trust her or leave her alone for a moment -- yet it's gotten so far past the point of no return that if he lets his guard down at all, she'll be able to sort things out and dump him. And although he's not the swiftest boat in the fleet, he knows what he's doing here.

It's more pathetic than anything, in his case -- a sort of desperation, in that he doesn't have anything else to prop him up. And I think she realizes that; that if she leaves, he'll just turn into a lump on the floor. So she feels a certain reluctant responsibility there.

But she seems to be affected on two levels. On the surface, she can just brush things off. Nothing touches her for more than a moment. And that's the level that she's working on. Yeah, she can deal with it. Whatever. Never mind.

Underneath that, the manipulation has caused her to doubt her judgment at the last moment, whenever she thinks of doing something against his wishes. The way she rationalizes it is that she just doesn't want to deal with the fallout. I've tried to tell her, dude, clipping your toenails the wrong way will irk him. If you want to do something, go do it. But no.

I think she has this idea that she's a bad girl who needs to be tamed. She feels maybe he's right about her. None of her own decisions seem to work out, so best just go the path of least resistance. From what I've heard of her past, I can see where she gets that. Sounds like she had a hellish adolescence.

I think it's that ISTP impulsiveness that is holding this cycle together, on two levels. To start with, she knows how impulsive she is, and where that has led her before, so she's trying to fight against that as a matter of principle. The result is, she defers at every opportunity.

Although she rationally understands the situation, she's just that bad at understanding where her emotions are taking her, and the role they play in her decisions. So her impulses sort of fire backwards -- which is the other level. She's impulsively sticking with the guy, against all her better judgment, because somewhere deep inside her, she's gotten confused which way is up.

That's how I read things, anyway.

It does distress me a bit, as I care about her. At least she's not in any real danger or anything; she's just in an unhealthy situation. And she does seem to be getting closer and closer to finding her way out. I'm not sure how wisely she'll do that, but I guess we'll see.

 

[Shelovesyoumaybe]

I've actually recently learned that one of my close friends is ISTP. While we have our differences, I was surprised to learn that she was an ISTP. We both have a few things we need to work on, but so far she's proven the label to be quite good

 

[Rachelinpa]

Although she rationally understands the situation, she's just that bad at understanding where her emotions are taking her, and the role they play in her decisions. So her impulses sort of fire backwards -- which is the other level. She's impulsively sticking with the guy, against all her better judgment, because somewhere deep inside her, she's gotten confused which way is up.

Yeah, sounds just like my ISTP friend. Goes along with the being a pushover thing. Really bizarre trend. I don't understand it or how to make sense of it. It's not in the same feelery way as the Fs and it's unexpected.

 

[Riva]

Going through my mental typology database of everybody I know, there are a couple of women that I think I've got as ISTP, but I'm not exactly sure because the only ISTPs I've ever known that well have been men.

So are there any ISTP women around here? What are you like, and how do you compare to ISTP men?

there is no big difference.

i think the people's personality differences are apparent from how they behave and what they talk about etc etc.

ISTPs are extremely private(i think the most private of them all). so how could you tell the difference btw a guy and a girl?

 

[entropie]

A hell of an opponnent

 

[StephMC]

A hell of an opponnent

Hahahahahaha! Yepppp! Coincidentally I challenged four of my guy co-workers in a drink off today, scheduled sometime in the future... They're all twice my size.

 

[Riva]

I've noticed that they are quite attractive.(the females)

 

[Verfremdungseffekt]

That woman in front does have a sort of ISTP look in her eye.

 

[Colors]

I found this awesome old thread today, incidently: Female ISTP's... How do you act?

With the input of at least 3 extra ISTP females (currently MIA, hmmm)!

 

[Verdure]

What do you do for a living?

I'm graduating now-ish with a BSc in biology, planning to do a masters next year (ovarian cancer research) and possibly a phd, then on to research of some kind.

What are your other interests? What would you do with your life if you were independently wealthy?

nature, travelling, animals, making stuff, exploring places. If I had a lot of money I'd do a lot of travelling, mostly to see things like the rainforest and coral reefs, and I'd like to live in the city with a big yard and lots of pets but have a cottage in the country. (very similar for me)

How much responsibility do you believe you have toward others? Is the concept of helping people in general/contributing to good causes high on your value system at all, or do you have more of an "I take care of myself first" kind of mentality?

Not much...I think people should be at least somewhat as responsible for themselves as I am...I've made the decision to avoid donating to charity until I'm out of debt, but I will revisit the issue when I get a 'real job'. I would consider donating to an animal shelter or somewhere I know will spend the money wisely instead of giving the employees lots of money. Nonreligious organizations only.

in more personal terms, I will help friends out if they need help and havent brought it on themselves...ie I would loan money or even give it away to a friend, but not if they make poor financial decisions. There I'd be more like to give "advice", ie unwanted lectures. I expect people to take care of themselves though...that's what adults do.

EDIT-disclaimer: I make no claims about other istps, and I'm not even entirely sure that I fit the istp box very well...

It's like you ansewred for me!!!

 

[RaptorWizard]

ISTP women would beat my butt for sure!

 

[anticlimatic]

In a word: hilarious. One of the better humored female types out there.