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  1. #11
    Senior Member ColonelGadaafi's Avatar
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    Catch genuine intresets in his hobbies. Challenge him and appeal to his Ti. You'll eventually get him in the right position. Reassure his inferior Fe.
    "Where can you flee? What road will you use to escape us? Our horses are swift, our arrows sharp, our swords like thunderbolts, our hearts as hard as the mountains, our soldiers as numerous as the sand. Fortresses will not detain us, nor arms stop us. Your prayers to God will not avail against us. We are not moved by tears nor touched by lamentations."

  2. #12
    Senior Member "?"'s Avatar
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    Maybe this will help.
    ISTPs can be very intense and exciting individuals. Their strong Thinking preference makes them seem rather aloof and "hard to get". Their Sensing and Perceiving preferences make them sensual, earthy individuals. These attributes frequently make them attractive to the opposite sex. ISTPs live entirely in the current moment, which makes them especially interested in new sensations and experiences. They strongly dislike routine and strict schedules, and resist being controlled by others. They are fiercely independent and need their own space within a relationship. When involved in relationships which provide for their basic needs and which present them with new experiences, the ISTP will be happy to do what's necessary to keep the relationship alive and well. If a relationship becomes boring or oppressive to the ISTP, they will try to fix it, or move on. ISTPs take their commitments on a day-by-day basis. Even if they say "I do", it usually means "I do for now". They do not like to make lifelong commitments, although they may very well be involved in lifelong relationships which they have taken one day at a time.

    Sexually, the ISTP approaches intimacy as a physical act rather than an expression of love and affection. They are earthy and sensual beings who enthusiastically experience sex with all five senses. They bring spontaneity, creativity, and enthusiasm into the bedroom, and enjoy new experiences. Since aesthetic beauty has such strong appeal to them, they appreciate the "setting", i.e. bedding, lingerie, cologne, etc.

    ISTPs love to fix things, and may create problems in their personal relationships, just so that they can have the fun of fixing them.

    They have a tendency to hold back their own views on things. They like to listen to other people's views, but are generally non-commital about expressing their own opinions. ISTPs have a habit of evading answering questions by asking more questions. This can be frustrating at times to their mates, if they are after a direct answer. The ISTP's decision making process is entirely internal, so they don't feel much need to share their opinions with others. When they are interacting with others, they are in "information gathering" mode, so they tend to ask questions rather than share views. The ISTP just doesn't feel the need to expose themselves fully to others. When it comes to intimate relationships, the ISTP has the further motivation of protecting themselves. Most ISTPs are afraid of having to deal with their deeper feelings. Since their Thinking preference dominates their personality, their Feeling side is their least developed (inferior) function. Consequently, ISTPs are usually quite vulnerable and perhaps weak when dealing with their feelings. Their habit of keeping part of themselves hidden may also serve the purpose of keeping a protective wall around their hearts.

    Although the ISTP does not usually have a well-developed Feeling side, they frequently do have intense feelings for people. They can feel overpowering love for their mates, although they are likely not to express their emotions, or to express them inadequately or inappropriately if they do venture towards expression. However, unlike many of the other personality types, ISTPs feel strong affections one day at a time. One day, they may feel completely, intensely in love with their mate, and the next day they may be totally disinterested, or perhaps even ready to move on. This "live for the moment" type of approach is different from how most other types experience their feelings, and is difficult for many to understand. Consequently, the ISTP may be called "fickle" or "cold". In fact, they are not really fickle, and certainly not cold. They simply experience their lives on a moment by moment basis, and go along with it's natural flow. However, since most people need more commitment than can be offered when taking things day-by-day, the ISTP who wants to remain in a relationship will have to resolve themself towards being involved in a more traditional commitment. For most ISTPs, making a commitment to an intimate relationship will require an effort to stretch themselves outside of their comfort zones. However, those who do so will realize that they can enjoy the benefits of a strong, committed relationship and still live their lives in the present tense.

  3. #13
    Senior Member lecky's Avatar
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    Thanks guys! ISTP's seem to be my ultimate challenge they are the complete opposite of me according to our cognitive processes...it's weird though because we are alike in some ways and we see the world sort of the same. Who knows!

  4. #14
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    It's a commitment thing. Emotional commitment. It requires commitment to feeling, and sharing feelings with another. It's not a place that's natural for us, and when we're young or inexperienced it's likely an area in which we're afraid to venture. The inexperience and uncertainty makes us feel vulnerable. I've spent my whole life keeping my heart suppressed because rationality is so much more comfortable and predictable to deal with. But as I've grown older, I've realized I can't have fulfilling intimate relationships with people, platonic or otherwise, by being that way. Opening up and stepping into the light is incredibly difficult, but so rewarding in the end as it makes life so much richer.

    The only advice I could give, if it's something you really want, you have to leave yourself completely open and make this visible. It will take time, perhaps a long time, for his own boundaries to come down and meet you in the middle with openness. Know at the same time this will leave you vulnerable as well, but I don't see it happening any other way. If he's mature, he will see this vulnerability and respond mutually. If he's immature, he may take advantage of it and hurt you. It's a big risk, but only you know whether it's worth it.
    Likes MDP2525 liked this post

  5. #15
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    I started dating an ISTP about 6 years ago. We were on and off for four years, and finally off. But now I can't get rid of him! He keeps trying to date other people but won't get over me. I think its common for the ISTP to be pretty slow to attach but once he's found someone he really likes he will be completely commited. I don't know what I did to get such a strong response. He said its because i'm the only girl he's dated who is smart, but I have trouble believing that.
    So, yea, like someone else said. Give it time. If he's going to fall, he will. If not, try someone else.

  6. #16
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    So, yea, like someone else said. Give it time. If he's going to fall, he will. If not, try someone else.
    Agreed. And this should be applied to any type really. I think it's reasonable to give it a little bit more time with introverted thinkers though. They are worth it.

  7. #17
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    Agreed. And this should be applied to any type really.
    Yea, But also I think that istp's and istj's may need more time than the norm. They need time to adjust to having feelings for someone. If the partner is too overzelous it is easy to push them away. They need some time and space to process.
    Likes MDP2525 liked this post

  8. #18
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Yea, But also I think that istp's and istj's may need more time than the norm. They need time to adjust to having feelings for someone. If the partner is too overzelous it is easy to push them away. They need some time and space to process.
    Great minds think alike, sweetness. I just edited/added to my post seconds before you made this one.

  9. #19
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    Great minds think alike, sweetness. I just edited/added to my post seconds before you made this one.
    Aha! High five to that.

  10. #20
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    The only advice I could give, if it's something you really want, you have to leave yourself completely open and make this visible. It will take time, perhaps a long time, for his own boundaries to come down and meet you in the middle with openness. Know at the same time this will leave you vulnerable as well, but I don't see it happening any other way. If he's mature, he will see this vulnerability and respond mutually. If he's immature, he may take advantage of it and hurt you. It's a big risk, but only you know whether it's worth it.
    A lesson I too have learned, and boy is it an all or nothing situation. Open up and let someone in, they either light up your life or tear your guts out. Time is the key though. People reveal their true intentions over time.

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