User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 24

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INxP
    Posts
    12

    Default Fallen for an ISFP beauty

    Im an INTP, and Ive fallen for an ISFP girl. We were friends first, but then she came after me pretty hard, but I was oblivious to her overt flirting. Eventually, I figured it out and pursued her, but by then she had moved on.

    Ever since then, weve been hot and cold. It seems like were going to start dating, but then we dont. I get mixed signals from her (not that Im good at reading signals). One moment it seems like shes totally in love with me and I start planning on taking it to the next level, but then the next time I see her shes cold and aloof.

    I care about her immensely. Weve become pretty good friends thus far, spending hours on the phone together, but I cant tell if she wants more or will ever want more. Weve hung out a few times, and shes always laughing at everything I say and continually saying that we need to hang out again soon. She has completely opened up to me, and I catch her staring at me sometimes, beaming with a huge smile like Im the best thing that ever happened to her. But after we say goodbye, she never calls or texts me. I always have to initiate, but when I do, she generally gets back to me quickly.

    I cant tell if Im only a friend to her or if shes just taking it slow and is worried about me hurting her because I think I give off mixed signals too. I'm not really pursuing her very strongly despite my feelings. (I'm worried about suffocating her.) Plus, I often come off as aloof too. Im an INTP, so Im not good at showing my affections. I havent even tried to hug her. If she was just a female friend, I probably would have hugged her a thousand times by now, but since Im attracted to her, Im petrified of losing her by making it weird.

    I really don't think I would be having this much trouble with her if it wasn't for the fact that she's so damn pretty. I've never been good with pretty girls to begin with, and it's worse that she's got one of the most mysterious personalities around.

    Without making me feel too pathetic, anyone have any advice? Can someone tell me if I'm in the dreaded friend zone and whether it's possible to escape it with an ISFP?

  2. #2
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    6,727

    Default

    I don't know what the "trouble" is. It sounds like you have a good thing going already. I mean, if you really have to know if you are "in the friend zone" because if you are you will try to find a romantic relationship somewhere else, then I would say just ask her how she thinks of you.

    People are individuals, so I think it's tough to respond to these things based on type. Annd I'm not female, obviously. But I have never had a problem with someone just asking me straight up where they stand with me. I mean, the worst thing she could do is probly give you an awkward "i dunno" type answer, but even then, if you stay cool in your response...something like "Okay, well can you let me know when you do know?" It's likely she will either have an answer because she's had a second to process it, or she will say "ok" and really will think about it after that and come up with an answer for you.

    Again, this is all speculation on my part based on the little info you have given. I don't know how old either of you are or anything about your environment or situation, so it's tough to be specific. My reactions were very different ten years ago from how they would be now. I'm much more confident in communicating now.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INxP
    Posts
    12

    Default

    Thanks for the help, Jeffster.

    Here's some more info: early 20's, college.

    The trouble is that her aloofness kills me. I get so excited about talking to her, and then she blows me off. If we're just friends then I can accept that. It's part of her personality. But would an ISFP act that way toward someone they like? I'm guessing not, but I don't know. I don't know if she's just trying to keep it slow.

    I also worry that if I don't make a move soon, she'll move on, believing I'm not interested in her. But I also know that she does not respond to "weirdness" very well. If I get gushy or try to force her to talk about her feelings, she becomes cold and retreats.

    I'm over-thinking this, I know. But that's an INTP thing.

  4. #4
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    iSFj
    Enneagram
    2 sx/so
    Posts
    9,666

    Default

    I agree with Jeff. It does sound like you have a good thing going. Maybe just tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels. I also agree that it might take her a while to figure it out, so don't get discouraged if she's initially can't find the right words to express herself (IS's are like that). Give her time. After all, you will have had time to think about how you wanted to express yourself to her.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Just another ISTJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    IsTj
    Enneagram
    1w9
    Socionics
    ISTP
    Posts
    117

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Schema View Post
    The trouble is that her aloofness kills me. I get so excited about talking to her, and then she blows me off. If we're just friends then I can accept that. It's part of her personality. But would an ISFP act that way toward someone they like? I'm guessing not, but I don't know. I don't know if she's just trying to keep it slow.
    ISFPs supposedly might be aloof towards someone they like according to another thread that I don't recall the title of. It certainly doesn't make things easy.

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INxP
    Posts
    12

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    I agree with Jeff. It does sound like you have a good thing going. Maybe just tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels. I also agree that it might take her a while to figure it out, so don't get discouraged if she's initially can't find the right words to express herself (IS's are like that). Give her time. After all, you will have had time to think about how you wanted to express yourself to her.
    Do you mean I should ask her right away, and then give her time to respond? Or do you mean, I should just let this thing play out and continue being her friend which I enjoy even though it kills me sometimes.

    I feel like she's this gentle creature. One false move and she's gone forever. I asked her out once before, like on a real date, and I think I was too pushy. She turned me down in a rather cold manner, stating that she couldn't do it then. I figured it was over, but then weeks later she winds up inviting me to hang out with her. I'm terribly confused.

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INxP
    Posts
    12

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Just another ISTJ View Post
    ISFPs supposedly might be aloof towards someone they like according to another thread that I don't recall the title of. It certainly doesn't make things easy.
    Thanks, I'll look for it.

  8. #8
    Intriguing.... Quinlan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    Booo
    Posts
    3,005

    Default

    Just ask her how she feels.

  9. #9
    veteran attention whore Jeffster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    7w6 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    6,727

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Schema View Post
    Thanks for the help, Jeffster.

    Here's some more info: early 20's, college.
    Okay, see, when I was early 20's, if I was having a good time with a hot girl, and she asked me if I wanted to me "more" than a friend, I would've been like "uhhh..yeah!" In fact, that's not a hypothetical. It happened. That's how I ended up a single dad.

    The trouble is that her aloofness kills me. I get so excited about talking to her, and then she blows me off. If we're just friends then I can accept that. It's part of her personality. But would an ISFP act that way toward someone they like? I'm guessing not, but I don't know.
    What's an example of where she blows you off?

    I also worry that if I don't make a move soon, she'll move on, believing I'm not interested in her. But I also know that she does not respond to "weirdness" very well. If I get gushy or try to force her to talk about her feelings, she becomes cold and retreats.
    If she's anything like me, she wouldn't do that on the basis of your not "making a move." Now I can't promise some other dude wouldn't come along and attract her interest. We are easily distracted, after all.

    I'm over-thinking this, I know. But that's an INTP thing.
    Yep. Yep.
    Jeffster Illustrates the Artisan Temperament <---- click here

    "I like the sigs with quotes in them from other forum members." -- Oberon

    The SP Spazz Youtube Channel

  10. #10

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Schema View Post
    Thanks for the help, Jeffster.

    Here's some more info: early 20's, college.

    The trouble is that her aloofness kills me. I get so excited about talking to her, and then she blows me off. If we're just friends then I can accept that. It's part of her personality. But would an ISFP act that way toward someone they like? I'm guessing not, but I don't know. I don't know if she's just trying to keep it slow.

    I also worry that if I don't make a move soon, she'll move on, believing I'm not interested in her. But I also know that she does not respond to "weirdness" very well. If I get gushy or try to force her to talk about her feelings, she becomes cold and retreats.

    I'm over-thinking this, I know. But that's an INTP thing.
    I will tend to blow off invitations. Often regretting it the next second. So I could act that way towards someone I like. I have done it to be honest.
    Like she could have done. Blown it off then reflected on it and decided it was a good idea and wanted to go out.
    I know that it must be frustrating.
    The only advice I can give is be clear about how you feel tell her that you want to go out and give some options. Then back away and hope like hell she picks one.
    It takes time to sort through feelings.

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] Ideas for engaging Se (specifically in an ISFP)
    By Frenetic Tranquility in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 10-26-2012, 09:46 PM
  2. [ISFP] Is this normal for an ISFP?
    By Anew Leaf in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 10-20-2012, 09:46 PM
  3. [MBTItm] Hmm...No ENTP-ISFP topics. Alright then. Question: For an ENTP: ISFP or INFJ?
    By EricHanson in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 11-26-2010, 03:58 PM
  4. [ISFP] Birthday gift ideas for an ISFP
    By Lauren Ashley in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 02-13-2009, 03:10 PM
  5. [ISFP] help with an ISFP?
    By laughing dolphin in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 02-21-2008, 07:34 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO