User Tag List

First 123 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 24

  1. #11
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INxP
    Posts
    12

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffster View Post
    What's an example of where she blows you off?
    I kind of feel like she blows me off almost every time I see her. It's like I have to befriend her every single week. It drives me crazy that she's able to live in the moment, and when I'm not around she probably never thinks about me. Meanwhile, I obsess every day about every moment she and I have spent together.

    Other than turning me down for a date, she's never actually blown me off. It's just more of a general coldness. Sometimes when I call her, she has this tone like, "What do you want? Hurry. I don't have time for you." But once the conversation gets rolling, she begins to warm up to me. By the end of it, she's acting like I'm the best person in the world. And then the next time I talk to her, it's back to square one again. It's tiring and confusing, but getting her to fall in love with me every week is also a little addicting.

    When I tried talking to her frequently, she got really cold. But I don't know if I should be reaching out to her more now that our "relationship" has developed further. As of now, I only contact her probably twice a week. Should I give her more attention or continue to give her space?

    Thanks for the help, everybody.

  2. #12
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INxP
    Posts
    12

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    I will tend to blow off invitations. Often regretting it the next second. So I could act that way towards someone I like. I have done it to be honest.
    Like she could have done. Blown it off then reflected on it and decided it was a good idea and wanted to go out.
    I know that it must be frustrating.
    The only advice I can give is be clear about how you feel tell her that you want to go out and give some options. Then back away and hope like hell she picks one.
    It takes time to sort through feelings.
    That's great to know. Thank you. I'm learning that ISFP's don't really like plans. I think I'm learning that I shouldn't propose plans to her, but rather I should just do my research and be prepared so I can make suggestions while we "live in the moment." Do you guys think this is a good strategy? Should I just see if she wants to get together and figure it out, or should I say, "Let's go do X or Y or Z?"

  3. #13
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    iSFj
    Enneagram
    2 sx/so
    Posts
    9,666

    Default

    It sounds to me like you may have been friendzoned. :/

  4. #14
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INxP
    Posts
    12

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    It sounds to me like you may have been friendzoned. :/
    Yeah, it kind of seems that way. But I don't know if her coldness is based on my coldness too. I'm not a naturally affectionate person. I'm not really sweet or kind to her, and I rarely contact her.

    Eventually, I think I'll have to tell her how I feel. But I don't know if I should just let this play out, or if I should do it soon. Basically, I'm trying to figure out if the ISFP's friendzone is a death trap. If it's inescapable, then I need to tell her how I feel ASAP. If the friendzone is just a temporary state, then telling her how I feel might put her on the defensive and then my chance to get out of the friendzone is gone.

    It seems like the friendzone is always inescapable, but I used to be her friend, and I know for a fact that she fell for me at one point. Maybe it will happen again? Maybe not? I don't know.

  5. #15
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Posts
    824

    Default

    This is just me being devil's advocate as I do, but it sounds to me like you're already over-thought yourself right into an uncomfortable corner. I know it is different for women than for men, but I've missed opportunities for dates just because I was completely oblivious to the "subtle hints" someone was sending me at the time. I need concrete statements like "Are you into me the same way that I am into you?" or "Hey dumbass, I like you, want to go out?"

    I wouldn't worry about her moving on because you didn't make your move or not. She's probably not even aware of it either way to begin with.

    Short version, tell her exactly how you feel. She has no idea, and she probably doesn't think too much about it. The worst that happens is she doesn't reciprocate, and that at least will get you to stop thinking yourself in circles.

  6. #16
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    iSFj
    Enneagram
    2 sx/so
    Posts
    9,666

    Default

    ^Seconded.

  7. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    1,128

    Default

    First of all, just because she stated she was busy the one time you asked her out, that doesn't mean she was blowing you off. She probably was busy. You coulda saved it by laughing and asking her when she would be free.

    ISFPs aren't always averse to plans. From my experience, some types don't like plans because they want to keep their options open and not be pinned down. This is true of ISFPs unless it's about something that excites them. In that case, they'd rather do it NOW NOW NOW because they want the fun. But, if you made a plan with her in the future I'm sure she wouldn't have a problem with that if she is into you... she would probably anticipate it with excitement and have fun dressing up to go out.

    That said, I also disagree that you are in the friendzone. You either are someone she won't ever date, or you're someone she might date. There is no friendzone. I am ISFP and have been friends with boys who turned into boyfriends after months of effort. The thing is, if only they had been more direct or forward, we would have gotten together earlier.

    One boyfriend told me he tried to drop lots of hints beforehand (even taking me out to dinner, helping me out a bunch, commenting on the kind of friendship we had, saying he knew we'd both understand if the other one someday confessed feelings to the other) and I didn't have a clue until he rubbed my back and played with my hair while we hugged goodnight one time, and then we kissed. So you must be direct. She's an S, she's an S, she's an S...

  8. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    1,128

    Default

    Oh and also, if she likes you, she wants you to pursue her. I have a tendency of going after boys only if they don't put effort into going after me... but it always gets me into trouble. It is always best for me for some reason when I've let the boy take the reigns in pursuing me. Dunno why.

  9. #19
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INxP
    Posts
    12

    Default

    I don't think the friendzone was ever a problem as you ISFPs so accurately stated. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure she has moved on. She's looking for something else in a guy, and may have already found it. She may have been dating several guys at once, so it looks like I lost out.

    I'm pretty sure she still cares about me dearly though. She gave me the cold signal the last time I saw her and dropped plenty of hints that she's starting to see someone else. She seemed very sad about this. She almost looked like she might cry at the end of it. She also kept promising for us to talk or hang out soon.

  10. #20
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Posts
    24

    Default

    I HAVE THE EXACT SAME ISSUE WITH A CURRENT ISFP RIGHT NOW. I HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE WHETHER SHE LIKES ME OR NOT...AND HER DAMN MOOD SWINGS! LOOKING BACK IN RETROSPECT, WHAT DO YOU RECOMMEND?

Similar Threads

  1. [MBTItm] Ideas for engaging Se (specifically in an ISFP)
    By Frenetic Tranquility in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 10-26-2012, 09:46 PM
  2. [ISFP] Is this normal for an ISFP?
    By Anew Leaf in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 40
    Last Post: 10-20-2012, 09:46 PM
  3. [MBTItm] Hmm...No ENTP-ISFP topics. Alright then. Question: For an ENTP: ISFP or INFJ?
    By EricHanson in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 11-26-2010, 03:58 PM
  4. [ISFP] Birthday gift ideas for an ISFP
    By Lauren Ashley in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 23
    Last Post: 02-13-2009, 03:10 PM
  5. [ISFP] help with an ISFP?
    By laughing dolphin in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 02-21-2008, 07:34 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO