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  1. #11
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Thanks for that halla that really makes alot of sense.

    Where she is right now, with my other sister (esfj) things aren't any better, she might not be suffering violence, but my esfj sister is criticising her so much right now.

    I had to step in and tell her to stop and take my estp sister to the side and tell her that I disagreed with my esfj sister, and that I had total faith that she was smart enough to make the right choices and that whatever was going on in her head was no ones right to judge. She hugged me so I guess I said the right things.

    I think she needs to be here with me, I am not judgemental, nor do I put pressure on anyone to conform like my esfj sister does.

    My estp sister is getting bad grades aswell, but unlike my esfj sister I don't blame that on a lack of intelligence, just on the issues surroudning her right now.

    I know she is tough, I just ache for her having to go through the same shit we had to.
    Hey, you are quite welcome. It sounds like you did the right thing for sure. If you are willing to let her live with you, is she willing to move in with you? It seems like it should be a no brainer to her, but she is in a bad state so not much is going to be easy for her right now. I have a ESTJ friend who can be an overbearing bitch sometimes. I don't know if that's a J thing or what. The EST side of her is funny as hell, but sometimes she can be overbearing, as your sister seems to be capable of.

    Her grades will come up once the stress in her life subsides and she has some peace, I guarantee it.

    Best to you all!

  2. #12
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    Hey, you are quite welcome. It sounds like you did the right thing for sure. If you are willing to let her live with you, is she willing to move in with you? It seems like it should be a no brainer to her, but she is in a bad state so not much is going to be easy for her right now. I have a ESTJ friend who can be an overbearing bitch sometimes. I don't know if that's a J thing or what. The EST side of her is funny as hell, but sometimes she can be overbearing, as your sister seems to be capable of.

    Her grades will come up once the stress in her life subsides and she has some peace, I guarantee it.

    Best to you all!
    Oh she would come and live here in a heartbeat, I'm always the place of choice when my siblings have left home. It's that special something that everyone wants a piece of, ME lol.

    My esfj sister on the other hand, well she won't part with her just yet, she is very controlling. I know it's just a matter of time, since she is very clear it's a temporary thing, but she is trying to get my estp sister to go home, and she won't even let me talk to her on the phone today because she knows I will make arrangements for my sister to come stay here.

    It will be a tight squeeze, but if she needs it she is welcome.

    I'm going to send my brother down to tomorrow to meet my sister at her school and give her mobile so that I can speak to her.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  3. #13
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post

    I'm going to send my brother down to tomorrow to meet my sister at her school and give her mobile so that I can speak to her.
    There you go, fight dirty! I like your style. Good luck!

  4. #14
    DoubleplusUngoodNonperson
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    mmmmm, I think this situation has little to do with ESTP-hood....

    One thing I do know that you'll not want to do is try to make decisions for your ESTP sister.... the ENFPs go ON AND ON about how you can't squash their independance, well ESTPs are for real about that. you can help anyway you like but you also gotta let her decide things

  5. #15
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    In your case, I would be sure to let her know that you are there for her, but don't try to get her to open up. Just spend some time with her if you can, go get some food, go see a movie, whatever, just get some air and let a few positive experiences between you and her occur without having to dwell on this issue. She'll open up pretty quickly if you do that, I expect, as we ESTPs are pretty much an open book, and love to talk, but just need to be in the right frame of mind to do so, because just like anyone else we can get upset too, especially more so when we are younger and still formulating our self image.
    I agree 100% with this. She's a 15 year old that is very violently being thrust into an adult world. She needs time; her entire world is upside down right now.

    If you establish yourself as a safe place, and halla's advice is excellent for that, she'll open up. Just keep in mind she isn't like your ENFP brother, so you may not get Fi fueled conversations from her.

  6. #16
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halla74 View Post
    There you go, fight dirty! I like your style. Good luck!
    I'm up against an ESFJ lol got no choice but to pull out the big guns.

    Quote Originally Posted by nozflubber View Post
    mmmmm, I think this situation has little to do with ESTP-hood....

    One thing I do know that you'll not want to do is try to make decisions for your ESTP sister.... the ENFPs go ON AND ON about how you can't squash their independance, well ESTPs are for real about that. you can help anyway you like but you also gotta let her decide things
    That's why I will offer her the choice to come here, because I know I would never try to squash her independence. My esfj sister will, she has confiscated her phone, she is ferrying her to and from school, basically she is setting up a hostile environment in the hopes that my estp sister will crack and go back home totally ignoring the fact that she herself ran away from home for much the same reasons. When I remind esfj sister of this fact she convieniently? has a different memory that paints her as dutiful daughter who didn't quite run away from, and had better reasons for it than my estp sister does.

    Fair enough, we do have more extreme reasons, I was battered into a coma and burnt with hot knives, whereas my estp sister got a slap, but violence is violence.

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    I agree 100% with this. She's a 15 year old that is very violently being thrust into an adult world. She needs time; her entire world is upside down right now.

    If you establish yourself as a safe place, and halla's advice is excellent for that, she'll open up. Just keep in mind she isn't like your ENFP brother, so you may not get Fi fueled conversations from her.

    Pretty much this realisation that made me start this thread, I know it won't be quite the same and wanted to know what would help for her, not for me.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  7. #17
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nozflubber View Post
    One thing I do know that you'll not want to do is try to make decisions for your ESTP sister.... the ENFPs go ON AND ON about how you can't squash their independance, well ESTPs are for real about that. you can help anyway you like but you also gotta let her decide things
    You are right! We are a very stubborn lot! Sorry about that, y'all!

  8. #18
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Pretty much this realisation that made me start this thread, I know it won't be quite the same and wanted to know what would help for her, not for me.
    The good news is there's a solid chance she will appreciate your insight and thoughts, as long as you don't try to judge HER. I've had great conversations with ESTPs where I share my Fi/Ne fueled thoughts on situations. When she starts to open up, start trickling your thoughts out a bit and see how she responds.

  9. #19
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    The good news is there's a solid chance she will appreciate your insight and thoughts, as long as you don't try to judge HER. I've had great conversations with ESTPs where I share my Fi/Ne fueled thoughts on situations. When she starts to open up, start trickling your thoughts out a bit and see how she responds.

    I wouldn't, I empathise with her situation way too much to find anything she is doing now baffling or worthy of judgement.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

  10. #20
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    The good news is there's a solid chance she will appreciate your insight and thoughts, as long as you don't try to judge HER. I've had great conversations with ESTPs where I share my Fi/Ne fueled thoughts on situations. When she starts to open up, start trickling your thoughts out a bit and see how she responds.
    That's the way to do it, absolutely, let her initiate the conversation and then say a word here or there as she is at a stopping point. In times like this I know I would not listen, until I had first been heard.

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