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  1. #1
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    Default "Not Cool Enough"

    If you've seen School of Rock, that quote might be funny to you. :/

    Anyway, I wanted to bring something up that's bothered me for a while.

    For years now (about 13) since I've been interested in/studying type, I've noticed that every ESFP I come into contact with is nice, fun, interesting, great, etc., but for some reason they leave me with the feeling that I'm just "not cool enough." This happens every time. This might be why I'm not close with any ESFP. On first meeting, the ESFP always seems like a person I would like, someone l would naturally get to know and do things with. But I can't ever get there, because I always find myself terribly self-conscious around them (this is the only type that does this to me [except SOMETIMES being around an ESTP will get me feeling this way, but not as much].

    Generally, I am fairly self-confident, feel good about myself and my interests and am not considered "dorky" by anyone I know (not that that would be a problem, but I just am not). But as soon as an ESFP is near I find myself feeling like the most awkward person who ever lived. I find myself wanting them to think I'm cool and also I find myself hyper-sensitive to their actions, trying to make sure I'm being appropriate from their point of view. As you can imagine, this feeling is very uncomfortable. Not only that, it colors my reactions. Instead of laughing things off and engaging in witty back-and-forth with ESFPs, as I would with other people, I find myself feeling unable to talk that easily.

    It distresses me, because I want to be at ease with everyone, and I want everyone to like me (HAHA I know this sounds immature -- I don't mean I need them all to like me, but I like to keep a good rapport with everybody). It's annoying to have one type be able to walk into a room I'm in and suddenly exert unspoken influence over the way I feel.

    Is this type-related, or all in my head? And further, does this happen to other types? Are there certain types that can make you feel insecure for no apparent reason?

    I'd love a response on this from anybody, but especially people who really know functional analysis.

  2. #2
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Other esfp's have done this to me, too. The strong ones. I don't know what it is either. A few people have told me. "Sometimes it makes me nervous that you have this ability to look right through me, makes me feel vulnerable." I think that other esfp's have this affect to. Reading you, sizing you up. In the end we don't judge, but are very good at knowing character. I think that can be a little awkward for people sometimes. Just be confident. Know that we love you for who you are. We want you to have fun with us, and feel welcome in our presence. Just smile a lot and laugh with us and go along with us and we will be your best friend forever! (Yea, corny.)

  3. #3
    Magical BlackCat's Avatar
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    ENFPs do this to me actually.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  4. #4
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    With everyone else you simply try being yourself. With ESFPs and ESTPs, you suddenly try to be cool.

    You quit being cool the second you try being cool.

    You're not going to be able to be on the good side of every ESFP and ESTP you meet. Some of them are pretty shallow or very quick to focus their interest on a shinier object. However, if you be yourself it shouldn't take long to find some that you mesh well with.

  5. #5
    homo-loving sonovagun anii's Avatar
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    "Coolness" is a form of social control. Resist it.

    Better yet, ignore it.

    Trying to "be cool" is a waste of time and energy.

    Be You instead. It's easier and will attract better quality friends.
    There's reason to be afraid, and reason to open your heart. ~ Seal

    Refreshment for your ears: www.kexp.org

  6. #6
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anii View Post
    "Coolness" is a form of social control. Resist it.
    Don't buy into this Maliafee.
    Now take this pill.
    Everyone's doing it.

    Do it or I won't be your friend.

  7. #7
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    The thing about NFs telling me not to worry about being cool is silly to me. SPs are cool already. We really don't have to try, EXCEPT AROUND ESPs...HAHA. ;-)

    (Jokes, non SPs, jokes...)

    Shortnsweet, apparently, the pill is took.

  8. #8
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    P.S. a) please be my friend, and 2) I like your hat!

  9. #9
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Functional Analysis:

    Se is the ESFP and ESTP primary function. They live to experience their environment.

    You, an ISFP, use Se as a method to help live out your Introverted Feeling. Se is your secondary function with Fi being primary.

    I think the problem is you are comparing your secondary Se to their primary Se, and it's making you feel inadequate. Quit trying to beat ESxPs at their own Se game, because it won't happen often. Instead, accept that Fi/Se brings it's own things to the table that many ESxPs will appreciate.

    edit: Sorry if this doesn't make sense - those pills shortnsweet are handing out are totally tubular.

  10. #10
    Senior Member me_plus_one's Avatar
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    I never think of myself being cool... This because you said ESTPs make you feel not cool enough, but to me it doesn't really matter. Honestly, though I sometimes feel inappropriate in some situations, I have never had the feeling of not being cool enough... maybe when I was like in the seventh grade. But back then I really thought being cool is important.

    It's quite funny, isn't it?

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