[MBTI General] cockiness and xstps!

[CJ99]

Hi!
I was wondering if any xstps could tell me if cockiness was a typical trait of you guys as i think my best mate is an xstp and he is cocky as hell and i really need to find a way to teach him some humility.

 

[Brouhaha]

Hi!
I was wondering if any xstps could tell me if cockiness was a typical trait of you guys as i think my best mate is an xstp and he is cocky as hell and i really need to find a way to teach him some humility.

Is he right all the time? If he is then maybe the cockiness is merited.

 

[CJ99]

Is he right all the time? If he is then maybe the cockiness is merited.

No. He is fairly good at more or less everything. But only good. I'm better than him at a few things like maths, chemistry and stuff like that but he is good at mostly everything in life.
But he always has been but he hasn't always been cocky.

 

[Brouhaha]

No. He is fairly good at more or less everything. But only good. I'm better than him at a few things like maths, chemistry and stuff like that but he is good at mostly everything in life.
But he always has been but he hasn't always been cocky.

Well I find myself in this dilemma too. I'm pretty good at just about everything I try(except math). And to a certain degree I'm rather vain and cocky. The problem is he probably started acting vain as a joke, and then when he realized that he really was good at many things it became real vanity. I have that to a certain extent. It's just that I see conceitedness as an unattractive quality, so I suppress it. If he doesn't like other vain people, try to draw correlations between him and them and maybe he'll change himself because he doesn't like being associated with them? Just an idea. I can't say it would work.

 

[Brouhaha]

Or another thought, if he says he's awesome agree with him. It always distresses me when people actually say that I'm really awesome. Since I'm usually joking when I say it, I don't know what to do when I get a real compliment, therefore to avoid getting these compliments that I dislike, I tone down on the "I'm amazing."

 

[Halla74]

Hi!
I was wondering if any xstps could tell me if cockiness was a typical trait of you guys as i think my best mate is an xstp and he is cocky as hell and i really need to find a way to teach him some humility.

OK, I'm an ESTP, off the charts in all measures, and I think that cockiness is definitley a default characteristic of XSTPs. The deal is this though, we all must learn to temper our behavior in order to get along in the worlds we live in.

For instance, it does me no good to be cocky with my wife, she would get pissed and I'd get the silent treatment for 4-5 days, so if I am cocky with her its playful and in jest.

Second, it does me no good to be cocky with my boss. If I were to do that he would fire my ass or just give me crap assignments for a few weeks until I got my ego in check.

BUT, cockiness does have its place, especially with humor, and in other more casual interpersonal relations. I don't take any shit from coworkers who try to get snotty with me, I shut them down while smiling the whole time and go on about my business. Also, if someone in a conversation is being a cocky jerk and not entertaining the other participants, then I'll usually do what I need to in order to keep things lively.

I do believe their is a big difference between COCKINESS and CONFIDENT. Confidence is more accepted, as it is not delivered with any condescending tone. Cockiness is less tolerated as it is more of a juvenile means of asserting one's self in the presence of others.

So, if you want to get back at this fellow, make a direct challenge at him for something you know you will school him in. I guarantee you if you shut him down a few times and prove that you are not intimidated by him, he will chill out a little bit.

 

[BlackCat]

Well, just because your best friend is cocky and just so happens to be STP doesn't mean all STPs are. Cockiness is a human trait in general, anyone can be cocky for one reason or another.

 

[anii]

I don't think trying to teach an XSTP humility will work; they just laugh it off and move on.

(It's almost like they are admiring your technique and storing it for later use.)

 

[phoenity]

Self-confidence is healthy. Cockiness is projecting that confidence outwardly to draw attention to it. To me, cockiness stems from a need/desire of others to realize your "self-confidence", but in actuality stems from a lack of self-confidence.

Self-confidence is knowing you're amazing without needing to have anyone tell you so. Therefore, humility and true self-confidence naturally go hand-in-hand.


I'd say cockiness is a trait of immature STPs. He'll learn - we all do.

 

[CJ99]

Well, just because your best friend is cocky and just so happens to be STP doesn't mean all STPs are. Cockiness is a human trait in general, anyone can be cocky for one reason or another.

I'm not saying all STPs are i'm asking if they are thus this thread.

 

[Domino]

I decided if the cops couldn't take the cocky out of my ISTP friend, no one could. Give up! It's for the best!

 

[Bamboo]

I'm not saying all STPs are i'm asking if they are thus this thread.

Then your answer to whether STPs are, as a defining trait, cocky: no.

In regards to your original post: how/when is he cocky? It's hard to say how you could 'teach him some humility' when a) there's no context and b) whether he is deserving of noted 'treatment.'

General statement (for reducing cockiness in all types): show him someone doing something he is cocky about better than him. STPs will likely shut up for a few minutes, watch, and learn from that guy. If he's anything like me, he probably won't be embarrassed, he'll just be quiet.

But of course reactions highly dependent on the individuals maturity etc. as other posters noted.

 

[Unique]

OK, I'm an ESTP, off the charts in all measures, and I think that cockiness is definitley a default characteristic of XSTPs. The deal is this though, we all must learn to temper our behavior in order to get along in the worlds we live in.

For instance, it does me no good to be cocky with my wife, she would get pissed and I'd get the silent treatment for 4-5 days, so if I am cocky with her its playful and in jest.

Second, it does me no good to be cocky with my boss. If I were to do that he would fire my ass or just give me crap assignments for a few weeks until I got my ego in check.

BUT, cockiness does have its place, especially with humor, and in other more casual interpersonal relations. I don't take any shit from coworkers who try to get snotty with me, I shut them down while smiling the whole time and go on about my business. Also, if someone in a conversation is being a cocky jerk and not entertaining the other participants, then I'll usually do what I need to in order to keep things lively.

I do believe their is a big difference between COCKINESS and CONFIDENT. Confidence is more accepted, as it is not delivered with any condescending tone. Cockiness is less tolerated as it is more of a juvenile means of asserting one's self in the presence of others.

So, if you want to get back at this fellow, make a direct challenge at him for something you know you will school him in. I guarantee you if you shut him down a few times and prove that you are not intimidated by him, he will chill out a little bit.

Agreed!

 

["?"]

There is cockiness in a bragging manner and there is being confident in one's self or in at least the relevant topic of discussion. I would say the former is quite offensive even to me, but if the friend is merely being sure of themself then, it sounds as though the onlooker has the problem. As for Halla's assertions they are really good insights, except for the average ISTP, they may be quite cautious in walking into your trap of trying to lead them to your playing level. Besides a person may become even more annoyed since I personally have no problem admitting that I am clueless to a subject that I find of no interest.

 

[CJ99]

There is cockiness in a bragging manner and there is being confident in one's self or in at least the relevant topic of discussion. I would say the former is quite offensive even to me, but if the friend is merely being sure of themself then, it sounds as though the onlooker has the problem. As for Halla's assertions they are really good insights, except for the average ISTP, they may be quite cautious in walking into your trap of trying to lead them to your playing level. Besides a person may become even more annoyed since I personally have no problem admitting that I am clueless to a subject that I find of no interest.

Thing is he is both. I tried to make him more confident and it worked but with it came this awful cockiness.

 

[me_plus_one]

I wouldn't describe myself as cocky, but there have been people who told me I am arrogant.

But the thing is that most of the time I am not trying to brag or something, it just happens, I am not doing it on purpose.

Besides, there are several threads here where people claim that ESTPs are very intimidating. And I think that self confidence and cockiness are not necesarily related, but, as everybody knows, usually, very confident people are thought to be cocky, so...

 

[Halla74]

There is cockiness in a bragging manner and there is being confident in one's self or in at least the relevant topic of discussion. I would say the former is quite offensive even to me, but if the friend is merely being sure of themself then, it sounds as though the onlooker has the problem. As for Halla's assertions they are really good insights, except for the average ISTP, they may be quite cautious in walking into your trap of trying to lead them to your playing level. Besides a person may become even more annoyed since I personally have no problem admitting that I am clueless to a subject that I find of no interest.

Hey there, thanks for adding the insight as to how an ISTP might behave in a similar situation. That is material that I am clueless about, so it is interesting to hear it from a more informed source. Cheers!

 

[Bamboo]

Reversal of my original answer. I think STPs are cocky.

Presenting:
* Guide to work through the problem *

Merriam-Webster:
cocky adj. boldly or brashly self-confident
jaunty (syn sprightly in manner or appearance

Notice it's the the reaction of outsiders that defines something as cocky. Since people with SP preferences are often seen by others as bold and/or brash (SJ reaction for example) and always moving around, cocky is accurate. Being bold good, brash bad. Both 'cocky'.

The factor that decides whether cocky is bad or not is the source of the self-confidence (def. part 2). Warranted or hubris.

If it's warranted, that means they are doing something right and are acting in typical bold SP fashion. Humor, being lively, playing things up. Showing off in order to entertain.
If it's hubris, that means they are wrong because they think they are always right (different from a normal error in judgement) and are acting in typical bold SP fashion, but seen as brash.

The real issue isn't cockiness because it can be bad or good. Hubris is the problem. Solve that and the problem fixes itself. You eliminate hubris by having the person understand their effect. Make them conscious of the problem.

(following ordered by less obtrusive to more so)
For ISTPs when the problem came up:
"You usually get pretty confident when {this subject} comes up. Why?" This could take a more rhetorical form, at first.

If they have a legit, logical answer on hand, than you are mistaken about their intentions. {{{{This wouldn't work as well with ESTPs - they are more likely to come up with a clever answer on the spot and pass it off as their reason all along. Just point it out and shut your mouth. They'll notice (Se) and think about it. Continue with with following as needed.}}}}
If they don't, they'll hopefully realize their gap in logic. For me, I like to understand why I believe things. If they fail to realize their gap, ask them to explain their logic. Suggest other logical conclusions. Flat out prove em wrong.

At this point problem should be solved. If not, ditch em. They suck.

I think it's a good action plan. Thoughts?

 

[millerm277]

I'll come right out and say it, based on the description, I'm quite cocky with some things I'm good at.

I'm well-known for being "cocky" about my skiing, talking about jumping off cliffs, and seeing how fast I can possibly go, when I'm having conversations about it.....then people are surprised that I wasn't making up shit when they're actually with me and they see me do it?

 

[Brouhaha]

Just point it out and shut your mouth. They'll notice (Se) and think about it.

Yeah, I'm usually very respective to criticism even if I pass it off at first. If he ignores your arguments, chances are he heard them and just needs time to think it over. Just before going to sleep is always good, I take forever to get to sleep most nights because I'm just thinking about all the important things that happened. One of the reasons that quiet days are nice some times.

Or naps.