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  1. #131
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    NO. There is a HUGE difference between questioning what I say, which is perfectly fair, and insulting me personally.

    If I say something controversial, BY ALL MEANS challenge what I say. BY ALL MEANS, disagree with me.

    But mock me personally? Ridicule me personally? That is not the reaction of an adult.

    Places like this bring out our worst behaviors. People say and do hurtful, destructive things that they would never do (one would hope) in the real world.

    IT IS WRONG, UNCONDITIONALLY, to attack someone personally because they state a premise with which you disagree.

  2. #132
    WTF is this dude saying? A Schnitzel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchAngel View Post
    Adults acquire some measure of courtesy and grace, which we all learn to display even in conflict.
    Really?

    The adults you know must not be representative of the norm.

  3. #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by A Schnitzel View Post
    Really?

    The adults you know must not be representative of the norm.
    Yes, I definitely think my definition of 'adult' differs from the 'norm.'

    I know a fair number of adults --- but not a large number. And fewer on the Internet, where people tend to set aside their best behavior.

  4. #134
    violaine
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArchAngel View Post
    NO. There is a HUGE difference between questioning what I say, which is perfectly fair, and insulting me personally.

    If I say something controversial, BY ALL MEANS challenge what I say. BY ALL MEANS, disagree with me.

    But mock me personally? Ridicule me personally? That is not the reaction of an adult.

    Places like this bring out our worst behaviors. People say and do hurtful, destructive things that they would never do (one would hope) in the real world.

    IT IS WRONG, UNCONDITIONALLY, to attack someone personally because they state a premise with which you disagree.
    But this is certainly the reaction of some adults.... everywhere. *shrug* A few members were also quite interested in your POV too. idk, why not just focus on that if you are interested in digging into things here? I have never been in any forum where a bit of personal insult doesn't come into things. If I were you I would let it roll off my back a little. (/unsolicited advice) I think a person either has that mindset or does not. In any case, I was definitely curious about your relationship with your twin sister.
    Last edited by violaine; 01-14-2009 at 05:47 PM.

  5. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by sanveane View Post
    But this is certainly the reaction of some adults.... everywhere. *shrug* Quite a few members were also quite interested in your POV too. idk, why not just focus on that if you are interested in digging into things here? I have never been in any forum where a bit of personal insult doesn't come into things. If I were you I would let it roll of my back a little. (/unsolicited advice) I think a person either has that mindset or does not. In any case, I was definitely curious about your relationship with your twin sister.
    I appreciate it. I do spend quite a bit of time and energy and thought (and love) on my INFJ twin, and it is one of the primary focuses of my life. I don't know what will happen with the two of us, but I intend to see it thru either way.

    But I don't have time to spare with rude arrested adolescents. I seek cyber-communities where I am free to interact, debate, agree/disagree without the time-wasting and negative energy of personal attack, which is the reflex of those who really can't wrestle with ideas seriously. Don't get me wrong, the phenomenon of what the Internet does to our personalities is of both professional and personal interest (my research partner and I just published a chapter on the subject in a new volume on emerging social ontologies online); but it takes time and energy to cope with the distraction of those who must throw spitballs, and I don't have either to spare. I have a seminar to write, and a relationship to build ...

    I do thank you for your comments ... I really do appreciate what you are saying!

  6. #136
    heart on fire
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    ^ you're still here though.

  7. #137
    violaine
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    ^Ok, cool. (Hmm I know you've seen the NF private forum just for NFs, lol, it is fairly conflict free ) All the best to you though

  8. #138
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    ^ you're still here though.
    I've openly stated that I intend to remain a member and to gather interesting and useful stories and insight for my work. And, I hope (in my heart of hearts) some useful clues for navigating my relationship with my INFJ woman, which I feel is really important no matter which direction it goes.

    I don't know how to navigate adolescent behaviors in cyber-communities without wasting tremendous amounts of time; if I did, I would happily continue to participate here and enjoy those members who really want to dig into ideas and share their stories, without the spitballs. I've done this before, a number of times, and it usually ends up being time I should have invested elsewhere. I don't want that to be the case here; but I don't know how to make it work, if the environment is unpoliced.

  9. #139
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    Quote Originally Posted by sanveane View Post
    ^Ok, cool. (Hmm I know you've seen the NF private forum just for NFs, lol, it is fairly conflict free ) All the best to you though
    Thanks --- I guess I hadn't thought of that. I should give that a try, it might be a useful compromise. I appreciate the suggestion, sanveane!

  10. #140
    Senior Member Misty_Mountain_Rose's Avatar
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    ArchAngel,

    I completely missed out on the thread earlier, and re-reading through some of it two things strike me.

    1. You probably jumped in on the topic most likely to cause conflict that I've seen recently.
    2. You are surrounded by NTs who LOVE a good argument.

    Most of the people on here are used to seeing each others posts all the time, and they know the personalities of the people that are responding in the thread. Being new its difficult for you to know when those people are serious, when they are joking, and whether or not they always act the way they have acted.

    I can tell by reading your posts that the topic that brought so much issue is one that is something you take seriously, and unfortunately you jumped into it without knowing what you'd be up against.

    I think if you were to stay you would find that many here are very open to learning (some aren't) and can have reasonable and calm debates.

    Sorry your first experiences here were not good.
    Embrace the possibilities.

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