[ISTP] ISTPs need relationships too!

[FantailedWall]

On new years eve of 1999 instead of running and dancing under the stars, we went to bed as only "lame, stupid people" were dancing under the stars.

He...DIDN'T WANT TO DANCE UNDER THE STARS??!


(I uhh...have nothing substantial to contribute)

 

[Brouhaha]

@happy puppy. Your istp sounds like an asshole. (no offense). I somehow have wound up becoming the personal psychologist for everyone I've ever been close to (Note: I don't mind being it).....so I kind of disagree with what you've said being indicative of all of us.

Indeed. That guy really does sound like a complete jerk. I'm going only by my own experiences here, but as an ISTP I'd try to be accommodating. I mean if my girlfriend wanted to dance under the stars, I'd think it's lame but I'd still do it. I think he's a bad example.

 

[01011010]

really like ISTPs I don't kow if we would be good in a relationship together but friendships with them are fun.. definately alot of fun... and there is a sparkle to the partnership too!

I like them too. Not sure about romance, but they make interesting friends.

 

[sculpting]

"I mean if my girlfriend wanted to dance under the stars, I'd think it's lame but I'd still do it. I think he's a bad example."

See that tone? For an ENFP, even the tone is a bit ouchful. but when everything i do is lame? Or silly? He is a total asshole, however has matured a lot. He tries a lot harder now at 34 then he did at 20, but I cannot spend the rest of my life accepting halfway. I would much rather be alone!

He is true to an ISTP which makes him amazingly talented at the 3% of the world he is enraptured with. For the other 97% othwerise I was his mother/caretaker.

he did make me tough and impervious to large amounts of emotional pain. This makes for great ENTJ/ESTJ skill sets. What are you going to do? Yell at me and make mean faces? hehehe!

 

[phoenity]

ISTPs and ENFPs dont work out so well. At least for the ENFP. You have to build really big walls to avoid the pain caused by thier obliviousness. I could never be honest to the core with him as he was just unaware and would slice me to pieces...I could never share the Ne that overflows, as he just trampled it under his Sensing.

"are you still talking?"

One night he and his friends broke a whole collection of little planters my mom had bought for our nursury/dining room when we were expecting our child. They chunked pennies at them while I was working and I came home and there were shards of glass everywhere. The planters were stupid and ugly but my mom loved me enought to go find them and give them to me. Ten years later he still did not understand.

When i would be happy, he would say be quiet I was being too loud. When I would play outside and feel the sun, he would complain that I didnt spend time with him-watching TV on the couch.

On new years eve of 1999 instead of running and dancing under the stars, we went to bed as only "lame, stupid people" were dancing under the stars.

When I was so sick for months on end, and no one knew what was wrong, he said "Its too bad our marriage is over"

I got well again and he could not understand why our marrige was really over.

There is a whole universe of things inside of me that he never understood and I could never show him. There is such wideth and depth and powerful sways of feeling, yet he could not see it. It was as if he was blinded to it.

never trap an enfp with an istp.

Don't make excuses for that behavior just because of his personality type. We only play stupid when it's convenient for us - this guy knew exactly what made you tick. He knew exactly how to hurt your feelings to get his way all while making it seem innocent like he didn't know any better. Sorry you got stuck in this relationship but this guy sounds like a child.

Unfortunately it's very easy for us to hurt the feelers we're close to and we can do so in the coldest, most callous ways. It's also very easy for us to make them see stars, we just have to care enough to want to do so. Feelers are wonderful people, even if their "thinking" seems irrational to us at times, so we have take care of the ones we love.

 

[Brouhaha]

Don't make excuses for that behavior just because of his personality type.

It's true. You definitely shouldn't generalize based on this one guy. Many ISTPs are very nice people.

 

[Poki]

"I mean if my girlfriend wanted to dance under the stars, I'd think it's lame but I'd still do it. I think he's a bad example."

See that tone? For an ENFP, even the tone is a bit ouchful. but when everything i do is lame? Or silly? He is a total asshole, however has matured a lot. He tries a lot harder now at 34 then he did at 20, but I cannot spend the rest of my life accepting halfway. I would much rather be alone!

He is true to an ISTP which makes him amazingly talented at the 3% of the world he is enraptured with. For the other 97% othwerise I was his mother/caretaker.

he did make me tough and impervious to large amounts of emotional pain. This makes for great ENTJ/ESTJ skill sets. What are you going to do? Yell at me and make mean faces? hehehe!

I agree that he sounds like a total asshole. I have 2 modes of dealing with people in my life, I have avoidance and I have those that I do anything for. I may hurt an Fs feelings on accident, but he is intentionally doing it. I dont see it as lame and would never say it, but I dont see the point in dancing under the stars, which is different IMHO. You have your own reason for wanting to, but I dont have a reason to want to dance. Now watching you dance under the stars would be fun

I can tell you though that a mother/caretaker is the last thing we are looking for. We will close up tight if you act like a "mother".

 

[Halla74]

...I dont see it as lame and would never say it, but I dont see the point in dancing under the stars, which is different IMHO. You have your own reason for wanting to, but I dont have a reason to want to dance. Now watching you dance under the stars would be fun ...

OK, I'm not an ISTP, or really fond of dancing, but I can boogie when I want to. Sure I'll bust the move doing mad housework on weekends, but there's also nothing wrong with dancing under the stars if it pleases your girl. That's a really simple request to honor actually, it takes very little effort, but probably means the world to the one who asked. Anyone?

 

[phoenity]

I dont see it as lame and would never say it, but I dont see the point in dancing under the stars, which is different IMHO. You have your own reason for wanting to, but I dont have a reason to want to dance. Now watching you dance under the stars would be fun

There are plenty of points - the simplest being doing it just because you can. Or, doing it, not because of whether it makes sense to you, but because it means something to someone you care about.

Living in the moment and for the moment is one of the most enjoyable things about life, IMO. Personally I like to go for barefooted walks/runs in the pouring rain during the summer. The harder it's raining the better. Lightning and thunder? Hell yes!

 

[Domino]

"I mean if my girlfriend wanted to dance under the stars, I'd think it's lame but I'd still do it. I think he's a bad example."

See that tone? For an ENFP, even the tone is a bit ouchful. but when everything i do is lame? Or silly? He is a total asshole, however has matured a lot. He tries a lot harder now at 34 then he did at 20, but I cannot spend the rest of my life accepting halfway. I would much rather be alone!

He is true to an ISTP which makes him amazingly talented at the 3% of the world he is enraptured with. For the other 97% othwerise I was his mother/caretaker.

he did make me tough and impervious to large amounts of emotional pain. This makes for great ENTJ/ESTJ skill sets. What are you going to do? Yell at me and make mean faces? hehehe!

You'd rather be alone but you've known him for 14 years? Am I misreading that?

Also, I don't understand the "they're getting better/I'm mothering him" language. It reminds me of the scene in the Holy Grail where a peasant got changed into a newt. I can't tolerate jerks for more than a few hours, much less years. I realize that ENFPs are way more nurturing and patient than I am, but why waste your time with someone you'd call an asshole and really mean it? Isn't that exhausting?

 

[millerm277]

Indeed. That guy really does sound like a complete jerk. I'm going only by my own experiences here, but as an ISTP I'd try to be accommodating. I mean if my girlfriend wanted to dance under the stars, I'd think it's lame but I'd still do it. I think he's a bad example.

Agreed. I personally don't like dancing at all, but if it's something she wants to do....I'd at least try to do it and will probably find a way to wind up having a decent time with it, as she's certainly done lots of things she probably doesn't enjoy that much with me.

 

[sculpting]

Not exhusting but more numbing. You turn off the emotional aspects of yourself, thus become very tough on the outside. I am an Fi and can do that more the an Fe could.

It is nice listening to the istps here as I think you guys may be a bit more balanced and healthy than my ex. It is good to know that there may be a more normal istp out there.

 

[millerm277]

Not exhusting but more numbing. You turn off the emotional aspects of yourself, thus become very tough on the outside. I am an Fi and can do that more the an Fe could..

It isn't so much that I don't have those emotional aspects, it's just that our emotions and what we express aren't directly connected. (For me at least). For example, It isn't that I don't feel sadness, it's just that my reaction to it isn't to cry/act like that. The people I'm closer to get to see more of my emotions, but they come out in words, not expressions/actions.

 

[sculpting]

Today the ISTP shows up to pick up the children and take them to school.

Me-ENFP: Hey can you watch the kids thursday night?
Him-ISTP: No, I have friends in town, I mean I dont want them here but they are in town.
ENFP: When did you tell me they were coming?
ISTP: I Told you last week (he didn't)
ENFP: Okayt what about Tuesday night?
ISTP: No, they are here then too, I dont have space for everyone to sleep over. (when the baby sleeps with him anyways.

ISTP: Why, what's so important that you HAVE to have me watch the kids?
ENFP: I wanted to go to enchanted rock and watch the stars

Asideenchanted rock is a granite dome about 400 feet tall that is in a state park outside of austin. It is far away from the city so I might be able to see nebulas and maybe even galaxies, as well as figure out what the bright shiny thing under the moon is.)

ISTP: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? You want me to watch the kids so you can go stare at the stars? You travel all the time and you need me to watch the kids so you can go star gaze? When I have people coming over?

ENFP: I am going to work now.

I just wanted to cry.

 

[kendoiwan]

Cry baby...

 

[sculpting]

Living with an ISTP for ten years teaches you how not to cry. You become tough and brittle and eventually your soul gets sucked doen to thier level. empty and hollow. You dont cry you dont back down, you just stay tough.

 

[kendoiwan]

Living with an ISTP for ten years teaches you how not to cry. You become tough and brittle and eventually your soul gets sucked doen to thier level. empty and hollow. You dont cry you dont back down, you just stay tough.

You mean living with YOUR istp for ten years...

 

[Poki]

Living with an ISTP for ten years teaches you how not to cry. You become tough and brittle and eventually your soul gets sucked doen to thier level. empty and hollow. You dont cry you dont back down, you just stay tough.

He needs a dominant Fe to smack around his inferior Fe and put it in check.

 

[Domino]

Fe: The Slapping Hand of Love

 

[kendoiwan]

Fe: The Slapping Hand of Love