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  1. #171
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    And all that said, I'm disappointed you perceive me as being so shallow, but the most important point to get across is that your perception is only that due to ignorance. And I will be the first to admit I am ignorant myself - I know nothing about the NF perception of reality, but I want to understand.
    I don't see you as shallow, not at all. I'm only talking about my direct experiences with specific ISTPs, and I'll be the first to admit that my feelings are obviously very biased. INFPs love to think we understand everyone, but our perception goes through our emotional filter.


    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    People, please. Everyone knows ISTPs don't need relationships. They need oiling.

    OILING! And humidity control! Rust is such a plague!
    hahaha
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  2. #172
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    People, please. Everyone knows ISTPs don't need relationships. They need oiling.

    OILING! And humidity control! Rust is such a plague!
    Much appreciated, I never turn down a good oiling

    And this Tin Man already has a heart.

  3. #173
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I don't see you as shallow, not at all. I'm only talking about my direct experiences with specific ISTPs, and I'll be the first to admit that my feelings are obviously very biased. INFPs love to think we understand everyone, but our perception goes through our emotional filter.
    Don't worry, I didn't take personal offense to that - just not something I do

    You're correct in that it's only your perception. Part of the reason I'm here is to tell the story from the other side of the fence, and hope people can appreciate our differences, and recognize our similarities.

  4. #174
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    Much appreciated, I never turn down a good oiling
    Light or heavy weight?

    And this Tin Man already has a heart.
    Is that why your chest is ticking?
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  5. #175
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Light or heavy weight?
    No petroleum for me. I prefer botanical oils, please. What have you got on hand?


    Is that why your chest is ticking?

    Leave it to an NF to confuse the sounds of ticking and pumping!

  6. #176
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phoenity View Post
    No petroleum for me. I prefer botanical oils, please. What have you got on hand?
    I like olive oil. Olives. Are our friends.


    Leave it to an NF to confuse the sounds of ticking and pumping!
    Seriously.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  7. #177
    Senior Member wrldisquiethere's Avatar
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    I am a female ESFJ and in a relationship with a male ISTP. It works pretty well with us. I have always been attracted to sensors, and enjoy the compatibility we share because we relate on the sensory level. We also have many of the same interests and hobbies, which allowed us to be best friends before we actually fell in love.

    I did reject him for about a year and a half because I misunderstood him and thought he was a jerk. Haha. Even though he was interested in me for quite awhile before we started dating, he is very independent and hadn't dated anyone for nine years before we started going out.

    Although I am an ESFJ, I've learned over the years to be pretty independent, as well, and I think this is one thing that helps our relationship. He owns his own audio company and is a monitor engineer for lots of big meetings and concerts. He also installs sound systems. Because of his job, he travels quite a bit and it's not uncommon for him to be out of town for several days or a week at a time. I think this allows him to have the personal time and space he needs, so *most* of the time, when he's at home he wants to be with me. He often tries to involve me in his work and will explain all the technical aspects of it in great detail. I try to listen and learn and show him that I support him and appreciate his inviting me into his life, although to be honest he loses me about 80% of the time.

    Obviously the Feeling vs. Thinking difference in our personalities can be challenging at times. Although I'm extroverted, I tend to begin feeling emotions before I can process them, and at times I'll be bothered by something but not know what it is for days. And when I do figure it all out, it's very hard for me to tell him what is going on at times because I worry about hurting his feelings. He can pick up on it immediately when something's wrong and he wants to "fix" it, so he gets frustrated when I can't just tell him what's up. This is something we've both had to work on: me being direct about how I am feeling and not drawing it out and him being patient while I try to express myself. Also, I don't get a positive reaction if I dramatize my feelings at all (surprise, surprise!). Sometimes there is frustration when I just need him to listen to me and try to understand and he just wants to fix the problem. Likewise I am tempted sometimes to try to make him FEEL better when I should be taking practical steps to do certain things.

    Most of the time he does not hurt my feelings. There are times it happens, but we always seem to be able to figure things out. Sometimes that's because he will apologize and take the steps to comfort me or make it better. Other times, it's because I step back and look at the situation objectively and remind myself that he was not intentionally trying to hurt me.

    Sometimes I do wish for a little more romance. Sometimes I hint around and he picks up on it and when he does something or says something romantic it puts me on top of the world! Although even saying that, I am not one for a lot of effusiveness and am too practical to appreciate extravagancy, so the little romance that I like is pretty simple. I also like to go out in public for dates when most of the time he'd be happier just hanging around the house, so we try to accommodate each other in that area. Thankfully we both love to be active, so if the weather cooperates, we usually are both very happy doing something like hiking together.

    One of his biggest worries is that he won't be able to meet my needs. He is very loyal and feels a lot of responsibility to be someone I can depend on. I know that he desires to be a stable and trustworthy person for me. When I start to feel down because he hasn't expressed his feelings verbally or romantically in awhile, I just remind myself that he would not be with me or tell me he loves me unless it was ABSOLUTELY true. And I truly believe that he puts a lot of effort into our relationship and really does want me to feel loved and cared for. He will usually reassure me if I am feeling a bit insecure, although there are times when he basically just gently tells me not to worry and reminds me that my feelings are irrational (though he would never put it in that term), and I need that sometimes.

    We have a relationship that is comprised of a very close friendship and companionship, lots of physical affection (two S's, remember?) and lots of playfulness. We tease each other and go hiking in the mountains together and love on each other and it's all good for the most part. Our differences help keep things interesting. He has definitely helped my level of confidence, courage, independence, and other things. I like my personality for the most part, but I'd never want to date someone like me!
    Si, Fe equal Fi & Ti

    "I had a bag of Fritos, they were Texas grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. They remind me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbeque and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. Better flip that Frito, dad, you know how I like it." -Mitch Hedberg

  8. #178
    Senior Member "?"'s Avatar
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    This is off topic and honestly I did not want to start a thread on it, but I was on another forum where someone brought up the topic of being in a relationship with a 27 year old male ISTP for two months. The person had been somewhat reluctant to reveal too much about the relationship until yesterday, they stated that they were 29 and the ISTP had been hesitant to ďmake outĒ with them since it would lead to sex. The person said the ISTP confided that he had to be emotionally invested in the relationship because he had been burned in the past. This made absolutely no sense to me that a 27 year male, regardless of type, would forgo getting sex. However Ti dominant types want sex especially at 27.

    I confronted the poster that they were being less than candid in telling the forum what was occurring in the relationship and then gave my usual caveat of not claiming what the other personís type was, but I was sure they were not ISTP. The ENTP poster finally came clean with the forum and admitted to being a male. I instantly replied that the other person was not ISTP. I did not reply because of homophobia (since I could care less), but I canít see STP types getting into same sex relationships. Granted a male ESTP may get wild and end up in a threesome, including another male, but in general I cannot see ISTPs doing this. Am I wrong? Does type have anything to do with sexual preferences unless you live in a culture that supports it?

  9. #179
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    Quote Originally Posted by wrldisquiethere View Post
    I am a female ESFJ and in a relationship with a male ISTP. It works pretty well with us. I have always been attracted to sensors, and enjoy the compatibility we share because we relate on the sensory level. We also have many of the same interests and hobbies, which allowed us to be best friends before we actually fell in love.

    I did reject him for about a year and a half because I misunderstood him and thought he was a jerk. Haha. Even though he was interested in me for quite awhile before we started dating, he is very independent and hadn't dated anyone for nine years before we started going out.

    Although I am an ESFJ, I've learned over the years to be pretty independent, as well, and I think this is one thing that helps our relationship. He owns his own audio company and is a monitor engineer for lots of big meetings and concerts. He also installs sound systems. Because of his job, he travels quite a bit and it's not uncommon for him to be out of town for several days or a week at a time. I think this allows him to have the personal time and space he needs, so *most* of the time, when he's at home he wants to be with me. He often tries to involve me in his work and will explain all the technical aspects of it in great detail. I try to listen and learn and show him that I support him and appreciate his inviting me into his life, although to be honest he loses me about 80% of the time.

    Obviously the Feeling vs. Thinking difference in our personalities can be challenging at times. Although I'm extroverted, I tend to begin feeling emotions before I can process them, and at times I'll be bothered by something but not know what it is for days. And when I do figure it all out, it's very hard for me to tell him what is going on at times because I worry about hurting his feelings. He can pick up on it immediately when something's wrong and he wants to "fix" it, so he gets frustrated when I can't just tell him what's up. This is something we've both had to work on: me being direct about how I am feeling and not drawing it out and him being patient while I try to express myself. Also, I don't get a positive reaction if I dramatize my feelings at all (surprise, surprise!). Sometimes there is frustration when I just need him to listen to me and try to understand and he just wants to fix the problem. Likewise I am tempted sometimes to try to make him FEEL better when I should be taking practical steps to do certain things.

    Most of the time he does not hurt my feelings. There are times it happens, but we always seem to be able to figure things out. Sometimes that's because he will apologize and take the steps to comfort me or make it better. Other times, it's because I step back and look at the situation objectively and remind myself that he was not intentionally trying to hurt me.

    Sometimes I do wish for a little more romance. Sometimes I hint around and he picks up on it and when he does something or says something romantic it puts me on top of the world! Although even saying that, I am not one for a lot of effusiveness and am too practical to appreciate extravagancy, so the little romance that I like is pretty simple. I also like to go out in public for dates when most of the time he'd be happier just hanging around the house, so we try to accommodate each other in that area. Thankfully we both love to be active, so if the weather cooperates, we usually are both very happy doing something like hiking together.

    One of his biggest worries is that he won't be able to meet my needs. He is very loyal and feels a lot of responsibility to be someone I can depend on. I know that he desires to be a stable and trustworthy person for me. When I start to feel down because he hasn't expressed his feelings verbally or romantically in awhile, I just remind myself that he would not be with me or tell me he loves me unless it was ABSOLUTELY true. And I truly believe that he puts a lot of effort into our relationship and really does want me to feel loved and cared for. He will usually reassure me if I am feeling a bit insecure, although there are times when he basically just gently tells me not to worry and reminds me that my feelings are irrational (though he would never put it in that term), and I need that sometimes.

    We have a relationship that is comprised of a very close friendship and companionship, lots of physical affection (two S's, remember?) and lots of playfulness. We tease each other and go hiking in the mountains together and love on each other and it's all good for the most part. Our differences help keep things interesting. He has definitely helped my level of confidence, courage, independence, and other things. I like my personality for the most part, but I'd never want to date someone like me!
    That's exactly how I see it. If you understood my true nature, the fact that I'm in a relationship with you should speak more about my devotion to you than words ever could. If something wasn't going well, it would be discussed. If it couldn't be resolved, I would simply move on.


    I despise superficial relationships because I see them as a waste of energy, and a waste of my precious me-time. Some male friends of mine have been in relationships in the past where it seemed as if they barely knew the other person, they were just in it for sex and the fact that they could say they had a girlfriend.

    I need substance in a relationship. Sex is not substantial for me to stay in a relationship.

    When I was younger, I had casual sex with girls I barely knew, and sex with girls I had been friends with for awhile and knew somewhat well. I'm still young, but I'm glad I realized at a young age that, for myself, sex is not worth sacrificing and complicating friendships, and that casual sex usually doesn't stay casual, and then leads to games I don't care to play.

    I've been hurt in the past by taking a friendship past the friend stage. I was emotionally invested at that point (yea right, it was just puppy love), and I really thought it would go somewhere. I was just young and naive. To her, it was just casual, playful, very hot sex. It was that to me as well, but I still wanted or needed more than that. I didn't get it from her, so I abruptly ended that when I had enough and we haven't spoken since.

  10. #180
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    Quote Originally Posted by "?" View Post
    This is off topic and honestly I did not want to start a thread on it, but I was on another forum where someone brought up the topic of being in a relationship with a 27 year old male ISTP for two months. The person had been somewhat reluctant to reveal too much about the relationship until yesterday, they stated that they were 29 and the ISTP had been hesitant to ďmake outĒ with them since it would lead to sex. The person said the ISTP confided that he had to be emotionally invested in the relationship because he had been burned in the past. This made absolutely no sense to me that a 27 year male, regardless of type, would forgo getting sex. However Ti dominant types want sex especially at 27.

    I confronted the poster that they were being less than candid in telling the forum what was occurring in the relationship and then gave my usual caveat of not claiming what the other personís type was, but I was sure they were not ISTP. The ENTP poster finally came clean with the forum and admitted to being a male. I instantly replied that the other person was not ISTP. I did not reply because of homophobia (since I could care less), but I canít see STP types getting into same sex relationships. Granted a male ESTP may get wild and end up in a threesome, including another male, but in general I cannot see ISTPs doing this. Am I wrong? Does type have anything to do with sexual preferences unless you live in a culture that supports it?

    I'm younger than that, and although I want sex, I refuse to work to maintain a relationship just for sex. That's what doesn't make sense to me.

    Now if I were to meet a female who just happened to want to play NSA and it was sincerely mutual, I wouldn't have a problem with that. But I've played that game too many times before, and, in my experience, it never stays that way. Things have always progressed to complicated and then involved unnecessary negative emotions that I'd rather not spend the energy dealing with, just for sex.


    And to opine on your main question, I don't think type has anything to do with sexual preference. If you were actually close to anyone of the opposite orientation, as I am quite close to a male ISTJ, you would know that homosexuality is not a choice. We take so many things for granted that we don't even realize until we get close to someone who's looking at life from the other side of the fence.

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