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  1. #151
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    Well, according to theory, ESFJ should match best with ISTP for long-term "fulfilling" relationships.

    But I wonder how well that works out in practice...?
    That can't be right. The same theory says I (ISFP) am matched best with ENFJ. DISASTER!

    I think ISTPs are best with ISFPs and ISFJs. Just a thought. Both types will probably let them be themselves and give them the space they need.

    When I was 17 I had an enormous crush that lasted two years (well, forever, really) on this ISTP 19 year old. OH GOD. How did he not realize? We both never spoke of it. I guess he was unaware. OR HE DIDN'T LIKE ME?! OH NO!!! THE HORRORS...

  2. #152
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    ISTPs are really attractive to me on the surface (yet another one has caught my eye recently), but then I get to know more about them & they seem like robots to me.

    I've tried dating some and the whole relationship being on their terms and extreme need for independence/alone time seems so selfish and detached. I can't imagine putting a hobby over other human beings either. Thinking about ISTPs in those terms makes me feel sad, since again, I tend to like the idea of them when I meet them.

    It's funny, because I think they can be drawn to me since I also need a lot of alone time to daydream and whatnot, but then they cannot understand how I seemingly do "nothing" with that time. And while on the surface we may have similar interests, the reasons seem to be opposite. I also don't like what feels like a "game" to me in a relationship, and so the whole "don't call me, I'll call you" vibe they give is a big turn-off. I need someone who is more emotionally available and sensitive to my needs.

    I also notice ISTPs seem to value friendships more than romantic relationships.... I suppose friendships are easier for robots
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #153
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    the whole relationship being on their terms and extreme need for independence/alone time seems so selfish and detached.
    I think this I am having the hardest time dealing with - I realised yesterday that our whole relationship has been on "his" terms... I fold when he says "I want to see you" but it doesn't feel reciprocated at all... We spend time with his friends, in his space, doing his things - I mentioned this a while back, that I'm in his world, but he's not in mine - sometimes I think that he thinks I don't have anything outside of him - and he sort of said this as well...

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I can't imagine putting a hobby over other human beings either.
    It is strange - to me people are what I'm about, I lack any real materialism or "nostalgia" for places or things or hobbies - these things make up his world utterly.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I also don't like what feels like a "game" to me in a relationship, and so the whole "don't call me, I'll call you" vibe they give is a big turn-off.
    Hmmm - hate this with a passion - especially when I try my darndest to "not" contact him and he then decides he'll get in touch... But if I invade his space (even when it hasn't been clear this was an issue) he gets really upset...

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I need someone who is more emotionally available and sensitive to my needs.
    Even though you said they are robots - I do think there is something underneath - life, just not as we know it. It totally intrigues me...

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I also notice ISTPs seem to value friendships more than romantic relationships.... I suppose friendships are easier for robots
    Totally spot on - the relationship he has with his best friend is deeper than the one he and I will ever have - I think I've resigned myself to this (well in the most part anyway)...

    But the exhileration of the ride with an ISTP, living like that, being really in the here and now - THAT cannot be topped... In another thread someone equated being with an ISTP to being like being fed sweets and candyfloss the whole time - OK for a while and real fun, but after a while you realise you cannot survive on it and need "real" substance... Unfortunately even though I love my ISTP to bits - I think, sorry, I know that down the road I will get a hankering for something with more substance to fulfill my emotional needs - that makes me so sad, so I try not to think about it and just enjoy the here and now as he does....

  4. #154
    Senior Member Pancreas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by janey_girl View Post
    We spend time with his friends, in his space, doing his things - I mentioned this a while back, that I'm in his world, but he's not in mine - sometimes I think that he thinks I don't have anything outside of him - and he sort of said this as well...
    Quote Originally Posted by janey_girl View Post
    But if I invade his space (even when it hasn't been clear this was an issue) he gets really upset...
    He sounds kind of immature...

    Well, very immature actually.

  5. #155
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pancreas View Post
    He sounds kind of immature...

    Well, very immature actually.
    I hear ya! I hear ya loud and clear.... This weekend though I am bringing him into MY world - I am sick of hearing how he is "bored" and by Sunday afternoon he is picking holes in stuff (verbally) just for something to do... I am painting a very bad picture of him aren't I? Thing is for every thing about him that winds me up, there is another I adore....

    Any suggestions on how I can help him mature?

  6. #156
    Senior Member Pancreas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by janey_girl View Post
    I hear ya! I hear ya loud and clear.... This weekend though I am bringing him into MY world - I am sick of hearing how he is "bored" and by Sunday afternoon he is picking holes in stuff (verbally) just for something to do... I am painting a very bad picture of him aren't I? Thing is for every thing about him that winds me up, there is another I adore....

    Any suggestions on how I can help him mature?
    Uhh, not really.

    I know for me, personally, I get upset when Iím being treated unfairly. When I make an effort and someone else doesnít. If you can get him to see your side of it, how youíre making an effort, something might click. Explain it and if that fails, physically do to him what he does to you. Heís probably not going to want to hear it. Heíll probably get defensive and try to turn things around on you. At least, thatís what I used to do when I was younger. But donít back down. Donít let him get fired up, donít get emotional about it. Itís not fair, but if heís going to learn, he needs to learn his way, and thatís not through emotion.

    Of course, I donít know how helpful or useful that is. Or whether you've already tried.

  7. #157
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pancreas View Post
    If you can get him to see your side of it, how youíre making an effort, something might click. Explain it and if that fails, physically do to him what he does to you. Heís probably not going to want to hear it. Heíll probably get defensive and try to turn things around on you. At least, thatís what I used to do when I was younger. But donít back down. Donít let him get fired up, donít get emotional about it. Itís not fair, but if heís going to learn, he needs to learn his way, and thatís not through emotion.
    You are right - on the few occasions when I have wanted to get my point across I have used this technique and it works pretty well (it eliminates the "emotion" and gives him something he can appreciate). Not using emotion when I have to spell it out to him is hard as it's what I use a lot... I have let him have his way a lot and this should allow me enough leverage to put my point across... He does need to learn his own way, I have seen what happens when he is "forced" and it isn't good...

    Quote Originally Posted by Pancreas View Post
    Of course, I donít know how helpful or useful that is. Or whether you've already tried.
    Any advice is greatfully received, thanks for replying!

  8. #158
    Senior Member Pancreas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by janey_girl View Post
    You are right - on the few occasions when I have wanted to get my point across I have used this technique and it works pretty well (it eliminates the "emotion" and gives him something he can appreciate). Not using emotion when I have to spell it out to him is hard as it's what I use a lot... I have let him have his way a lot and this should allow me enough leverage to put my point across... He does need to learn his own way, I have seen what happens when he is "forced" and it isn't good...
    No. Forcing baaaaad. Very bad.

    Itís sort of unfair in a way, because you will have to restrain your emotion, but it wonít really happen the other way. At least not in that exact situation.

    If someone can show me Iím being inconsiderate I do try to improve. I may not always admit it, or verbally confirm this is what Iím doing () but I will take actions to try and fix things.

    It sounds like what you're doing is working. Best of luck.

  9. #159
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    Quote Originally Posted by maliafee View Post
    That can't be right. The same theory says I (ISFP) am matched best with ENFJ. DISASTER!

    I think ISTPs are best with ISFPs and ISFJs. Just a thought. Both types will probably let them be themselves and give them the space they need.

    When I was 17 I had an enormous crush that lasted two years (well, forever, really) on this ISTP 19 year old. OH GOD. How did he not realize? We both never spoke of it. I guess he was unaware. OR HE DIDN'T LIKE ME?! OH NO!!! THE HORRORS...
    I'd have to agree Malia.

    Being paired with someone completely opposite of me (ENFX) like Socionics and others seem to suggest, would undoubtedly be quite trying for both people. It would have to be unending infatuation for us to be able to work through and understand our differences, and to me that just seems like winning the lottery. I've never been one to stay in relationships, friends or intimate, that require a lot of work, but then again I never know because that one in a million just might be worth it.

    An ISFP or ISFJ sounds like it would just work naturally because we'd "get" each other. I like the ISFP/Js here

  10. #160
    Member janey_girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pancreas View Post
    No. Forcing baaaaad. Very bad.
    Which is why his mum waited 8 years for him to hang a door - he kind of pointed out as he was hanging it....

    Quote Originally Posted by Pancreas View Post
    Itís sort of unfair in a way, because you will have to restrain your emotion, but it wonít really happen the other way. At least not in that exact situation.
    At the moment my emotions are I think in check - I have his friend on side who knows him better to help with bringing him into my world (and his friend will do it as I've lined him up with a girl and he doesn't want to miss out!). I am making myself as unavailable as I can so that when he sees me I have the upper hand a little... It sounds like game playing, but to you ISTPs it seems that if I play it totally straight there isn't enough of a challenge and I'll end up being walked on...

    Quote Originally Posted by Pancreas View Post
    If someone can show me Iím being inconsiderate I do try to improve. I may not always admit it, or verbally confirm this is what Iím doing () but I will take actions to try and fix things.
    He has done this (usually for the stuff that really hasn't bothered me though. For the really big stuff he can't quite see my issue - like trying to change our relationship into "non-exclusive" - but only for him, I need to remain faithful - he wasn't sure why I got upset on this )

    Quote Originally Posted by Pancreas View Post
    It sounds like what you're doing is working. Best of luck.
    It is a difficult one - what he lacks in emotional depth he certainly makes up for in the ambiguity stakes.... Keeps me guessing! Never a dull moment...

    Thanks again for your reply

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