[ESFP] ESFP + ESFP relationship.

[Water]

First off let me introduce myself. My name is Rachel and I'm an ENFP. I am not new to typology, or socionics. I've been lurking on this board for a while, and I think a lot of you forget about the individualism of people and kinda don't like how all ENFP's do this or INFJ's are like that, its very stereo typed. So please don't stereo type me or my question and give me a real answer please. Don't assume I am a certain way just because I am an ENFP. I have a real problem and I need some advice. I'm in a relationship with an ESFP.

He 'loves' me. All his friends know it, and I'll get my ass kicked or worse if I try to break up with him, or hurt him in any way. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Help.

 

[Jack Flak]

I can't proceed it seems, because you're asking for advice based on peoples' types, but ask that I not consider your type. Oh well!

 

[Jeffster]

A lot of Hollywood hookups are ESFP + ESFP relationships. They don't tend to last long.

Sorry, I didn't really read the first post. What?

 

[G-Virus]

He 'loves' me. All his friends know it, and I'll get my ass kicked or worse if I try to break up with him, or hurt him in any way. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Help.

Is this an abusive relationship?

I am not sure what you are asking, can you be more clear?

 

[raz]

I just always thought ESFP's were only able to get along with other ESFP's.

Are you trying to say that you're ENFP but....not an ENFP? All ENFP's aren't created equal, but your motivations are all the same.

But. Wait. You're asking about ESFP's dating ESFP's, but you're an ENFP saying you're in a relationship with an ESFP? My head is swirling.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

He 'loves' me. All his friends know it, and I'll get my ass kicked or worse if I try to break up with him, or hurt him in any way. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Help.

It would be a little twisted if you had to date someone because they had feelings for you and you shared mutual friends. I'm guessing there are some things you do like about him, so those would be worth emphasizing if you get a chance. You are entitled to not be in love with him. If you have mutual friends, it might make sense to go the extra mile to be nice about it. It might also make sense to avoid whatever people are going to be rather opinionated about it.

Just realize no one has a right to force a relationship on you.

edit: and I understand about being wary of having your problem pigeonholed. MBTI labels can be a little like playing a character in a role playing game. There are way too many preconceived notions that produce erroneous conclusions about a real person.

 

[Winz]

You can't just contradict yourself like that and expect a real answer

 

[sarah]

First off let me introduce myself. My name is Rachel and I'm an ENFP. I am not new to typology, or socionics. I've been lurking on this board for a while, and I think a lot of you forget about the individualism of people and kinda don't like how all ENFP's do this or INFJ's are like that, its very stereo typed. So please don't stereo type me or my question and give me a real answer please. Don't assume I am a certain way just because I am an ENFP. I have a real problem and I need some advice. I'm in a relationship with an ESFP.

He 'loves' me. All his friends know it, and I'll get my ass kicked or worse if I try to break up with him, or hurt him in any way. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? Help.

If you don't want to date this guy, then don't. But if you want advice, could you maybe explain the problem using specifics?

A person's type really has very little if anything to do with whether or not they're worth having a relationship with. There are so many more important factors to consider, including social intelligence, maturity, kindness, thoughtfulness, etc.

Sarah

 

[Jeffster]

There are so many more important factors to consider, including social intelligence, maturity, kindness, thoughtfulness, etc.

Yeah, Sarah's right. Stay away from the intelligent mature kind and thoughtful ones. They are BAD NEWS.

 

[Lateralus]

Which is worse (long term), staying with him or breaking up? Make your choice. It's that simple.

 

[King sns]

I have no idea what you're trying to say!!!!

sincerely, confoozed.

 

[King sns]

It sounds like you are talking about an abusive relationship.

 

[Water]

Toonia you gave me all the advice I needed. Thank you. =]

I am still scared of his family. How to not hurt this male ESFP's feelings... thats going to be tough. =[

 

[sarah]

I'm sorry for not being clear enough. For the record: I am 'ENFP' my boyfriend is 'ESFP.' He's really sweet to me and theres a lot to like about him... So its not really an abusive relationship between us. But he's so sensitive and anything I do wrong is like 'you don't care about me' or whatever. My problem comes from his family and friends who don't want to see him get hurt, so I'm kinda fucked. I'm trying to slowly break up with him, but its not working and I think I'm just making it worse... I feel like the further and deeper I get into the relationship the worse I will end up hurting him and thats not what I wanna do. And male ESFP's are like the hardest to break up with (Brandon Davis...yes, and Owen Wilson...) How am I contradicting myself ISTP guy?
Jak Flack: ok if you have advice then take my type into consideration.

SPs tend to move on rather quickly after breakups, even very sensitive SPs (like me). I don't mean that in a heartless way either -- it's just that we live in the present rather than the past, and we're more interested in future opportunities than in mourning what might have been. Yes, he'll be crushed for a while. And then he'll find somebody new.

If you don't want to be in the relationship anymore, I would just tell him so plainly but kindly, and don't beat around the bush, don't be vague, don't say things you don't really feel in order to spare his feelings, and don't hint that your feelings might change in the future. I would also then physically avoid him, so he has a chance to recover. It isn't good to remain in a dating relationship for fear of hurting someone's feelings. It's not as if you already made a lifelong commitment to him, and any adult who's been around the block a few times knows that dating relationships can end at any moment, and that nobody needs to justify their actions. And if this is his first love relationship, well then, it'll be a learning experience for him to figure out how to deal with his disappointment in a way befitting an adult rather than a spoiled child.

It'll be okay.

Sarah

 

[Jack Flak]

Jack Flack: if you have advice then you can take my type into consideration.

Find him another girlfriend?

I am personally familiar with an ENFP-ESFP relationship, and it never really cemented. Neither person seemed to care enough about the relationship to make compromises.

As for actual advice on how to break up, that's pretty tough. Don't condescend is good advice. Generally speaking, I favor being up front. If it's not working out, say it's not working out. But I don't want you to get hurt over it.

 

[Water]

Sarah: I am so glad you read my post before I deleted it! =] Thanks.

Jack Flack: hmmm thats not a bad idea... maybe an INTP? lol
And I'm not really suprised. The only relationship I ever cared about was with an ISTP. =/

 

[Winz]

Water: You contradicted yourself by wanting advice based on type, but not wanting advice based on type.

 

[Water]

I see... my bad.

 

[King sns]

oh, I just read your post.. As an ESFP who has had to encounter a slow breakup with someone who I truly loved, I have to say this.. Do NOT breakup with him slowly, that is so painful. Don't try to spare his feelings, that is very degrading to an adult who should be able to handle an adult conversation about honest feelings. on top of confusing. You're going to kill him with a soft approach.. Just a mature, clean breakup should do!!

 

[Manimal]

I have a real problem and I need some advice. I'm in a relationship with an ESFP.

..? LOL