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  1. #1
    Dali
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    Question How do you deal with ESTPs?

    We have an incredibly similar sense of humour and, once I get to know one, we get along like a house on fire... for a week or two and then I start avoiding them and they get perplexed. Perhaps I've only been meeting unhealthy ESTPs but a common thread with all that I've known is an intense need to manipulate and control other people. All of them that I've known, ranging from my father to my flatmate, have been like that. And a lot of the time, it either ends with a confrontation (which they seem to thrive on but which is draining for me) or me giving in and resenting the person later on.

    How do you best deal with them... or should I be reduced to avoiding them altogether?

    Mo

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mo_(operalover) View Post
    We have an incredibly similar sense of humour and, once I make friends with one, we get along like a house on fire... for a week or two. Perhaps I've only been meeting unhealthy ESTPs but a common thread with all that I've known is an intense need to manipulate and control other people. All that I've known, ranging from my father to my housemate, have been like that. And a lot of the time, it either ends with a confrontation (which they seem to thrive on but which is draining for me) or me giving in and resenting the person later on.

    How do you best deal with them... or should I be reduced to avoiding them altogether?

    Mo
    I've met a few unhealthy ones. I like to keep away. Too much.

  3. #3
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    Can't say I've ever felt the need to manipulate or control others... sounds more like something my ESTJ father would do. I'm more into freedom of the people.

    Could you be a little more specific?

  4. #4
    ThatGirl
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    they do always have a way of getting their way, but i think it is less stratigic and more that they are just bad ass and stuborn, and also they suck very very much


    How do you deal with ESTPs? You never really do, even if you think you are.

    Ones I met were not into drama, but it seemed to trail in their wake. Don't love them or hate them but wouldn't choose to "deal" with them anymore.

  5. #5
    Junior Member Addict_Inquiry's Avatar
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    My best friend is an ESTP, I now know, and this explains much about our disagreements. I work with an older ESTP (I'm 23, he's 37). He's quite a character, and if it weren't for his devastating cocaine habit he'd be a much more stable individual. He consistently takes ever riskier risks and is completely self-absorbed and unaware of others' feelings, though he is quick to say the contrary if he thinks it'll get him into her bed.

  6. #6
    Dali
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    I've met a few unhealthy ones. I like to keep away. Too much.
    I don't want to have to resort to that but seems to be the only viable option I can see right now which is why I'm asking for tips on how others deal with them when they're being as they tend to be (the ones Ive known).


    Quote Originally Posted by Lukepd View Post
    Can't say I've ever felt the need to manipulate or control others... sounds more like something my ESTJ father would do. I'm more into freedom of the people.

    Could you be a little more specific?
    Pal will ask me to do X, I'll (cordially) pass, pal will persist and persist in the most annoying manner possible and will be even be a little aggressive (in a 'friendly' and 'humourous' manner) till I rather rudely shut him out or give in. Pal will emotionally manipulate you (one told me about his deceased mother right before he asked me for a huge favour). Pal will tell me what to do, how and when to do it and he knows what's best for me. Pal looks down upon what I do and quite judgmentally puts it down as it doesn't correspond to what his view on it is (I've been called a idiot - in much less cordial terms - for being a fan of fiction books when I could as well watch a movie). Pal is incredibly perceptive about my facial expressions (always 'calling me out' on being tired, annoyed... whatever 'negative expression') but will never catch on the times that he is the cause of my annoyance. Rather ironically, pal has a strong desire for independence and resents it when he feels that he's being told what to do. That has been a common thread among all the friendships I've made with ESTPs.

    Another thing that I'm not very fond of is that they tend to be rather proud of the violent (and most of them completely unnecessary) physical altercations they've been involved in and are very confrontational.


    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    How do you deal with ESTPs? You never really do, even if you think you are.
    Could you please elaborate on that?

  7. #7
    ThatGirl
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mo_(operalover) View Post
    Could you please elaborate on that?
    I guess what I mean by that is you may think you are "dealing" with an ESTP but in they end they are uncomprimising, stubborn, self validating individuals, who always consider themselves right beceause they honestly believe they are right and if they aren't they simply blow it off as they dont care. It is what it is.

    They will accept any viewpoint that is contredictory as insignificant to themselves and will continue to do as they please without hessitation and without contemplation of their actions. Should you pose a threat to an ESTP you will be stricktly banned and considered the enemy who threatens their existance.

    I guess what I am saying is that they will play along if there is something for them, and if not they couldn't give two shits about making it known they were only for themselves.

    I've had a bad run with ESTPs as well so I can say that my view may be biased but ultimatly, I'm just glad I moved.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mo_(operalover) View Post
    Pal will ask me to do X, I'll (cordially) pass, pal will persist and persist in the most annoying manner possible and will be even be a little aggressive (in a 'friendly' and 'humourous' manner) till I rather rudely shut him out or give in. Pal will emotionally manipulate you (one told me about his deceased mother right before he asked me for a huge favour). Pal will tell me what to do, how and when to do it and he knows what's best for me. Pal looks down upon what I do and quite judgmentally puts it down as it doesn't correspond to what his view on it is (I've been called a idiot - in much less cordial terms - for being a fan of fiction books when I could as well watch a movie). Pal is incredibly perceptive about my facial expressions (always 'calling me out' on being tired, annoyed... whatever 'negative expression') but will never catch on the times that he is the cause of my annoyance. Rather ironically, pal has a strong desire for independence and resents it when he feels that he's being told what to do. That has been a common thread among all the friendships I've made with ESTPs.

    Another thing that I'm not very fond of is that they tend to be rather proud of the violent (and most of them completely unnecessary) physical altercations they've been involved in and are very confrontational.
    Alright I think I've got some tips for you now.

    ESTPs (like myself) think they can sell anyone on any idea. The best thing to do is to make it an "impossible sale". You will only be able to deal on a logical level with an ESTP its not that they don't care about people, its that they don't understand peoples feelings as well as other types... they simply don't take them into account.

    ESTPs like it when you "sell" back to them and they love team work. If theres something that needs to be done often the ESTP can get things started and someone else can help finish as they struggle with that.

    Your friend sounds like a bit of a douche bag no offence. Most ESTPs are extreamly well liked. In fact they are one of the more "popular" personality types in a lot of cases.

    So try to motivate your friend to help you rather than simply putting you down.

    Edit: I also noticed you are in fact an F type. This could be why you are having issues with them. Just make sure you speak to the ESTP with your brain, not your heart.

  9. #9
    ThatGirl
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lukepd View Post
    Alright I think I've got some tips for you now.

    ESTPs (like myself) think they can sell anyone on any idea. The best thing to do is to make it an "impossible sale". You will only be able to deal on a logical level with an ESTP its not that they don't care about people, its that they don't understand peoples feelings as well as other types... they simply don't take them into account.

    ESTPs like it when you "sell" back to them and they love team work. If theres something that needs to be done often the ESTP can get things started and someone else can help finish as they struggle with that.

    Your friend sounds like a bit of a douche bag no offence. Most ESTPs are extreamly well liked. In fact they are one of the more "popular" personality types in a lot of cases.

    So try to motivate your friend to help you rather than simply putting you down.

    Edit: I also noticed you are in fact an F type. This could be why you are having issues with them. Just make sure you speak to the ESTP with your brain, not your heart.
    #1)They do not deal with objective logic, it is subjective to themselves

    #2)Needy, without being reciprocated


    Ok, I'm done

    No more ESTP hate'n

  10. #10
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Are you sure this friend is not ESTJ? Desire to control you and constantly tell you what's best for you sounds awfully J to me.

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