I'm struggling to think of people in my life who have this type pattern, but I have to say if I do know any ESTPs, they aren't obnoxious like your friend. I'm not all that good at accurately typing everyone I know, so that may be part of the problem. It's possible my boss is an ESTP. If so, she's an extremely easy person to work with and a very healthy example of that type plus the In Charge interaction style. She's much more interested in GETTING THINGS DONE than in power-plays or manipulation games, both of which she'd call a total waste of time. When she senses everyone isn't on board with a new program or policy that we all need to get started with in order to make the library run smoother, then she'll call everybody together and say "Allright, people, here's why we're doing what we're doing ... and now here's why it benefits YOU as well as everybody else.... (I believe this is the "selling" that Lukepd was talking about.) She doesn't just want to order people around, she wants to sell people on ideas, programs and services that we could actually all find benefit in, and if you don't agree with her, she's very flexible about changing your job description so that it DOES benefit you, as well as everybody else.
With people who are manipulative, controlling or rude (regardless of their type) I avoid them as much as possible. I once left working for one library branch and applied to work at another because the boss at the first branch was an annoying, negative micro-manager. Sometimes these people will want to know why I'm avoiding them, and if the case, I tell them exactly what they did and how irritating it is. Point by point. I go down the list telling them all the stuff I can't stand about their behavior. (but in the case of the boss I left, I figured it might come back to bite me. I think she knows I can't stand her and won't ever work for her again, but she doesn't know exactly why.)
I would think if the person's an ESTP, he or she would be concerned with the fact that they've managed to make a huge negative impact on somebody else. Since healthy SPs like to make positive impacts, telling the ESTP about his negative impact would probably hit home.