Alright, I don't get along with very many people. I have one of those caustic and abrasive personalities that would make even Mike Tyson blush. Anyway, I'm still an introvert, so my personality isn't always in your face, but if you bother to inquire, you'll certain get a dose of it.
One specific set of people that I don't tend to get along with are (what I believe to be) ISFJs. When I get around them (male or female, doesn't matter) shit gets reaaaally weird. I had always heard on forums that ISFJ's are nice and traditional and responsible, and whatever else. This was excitng to me (that and the fact that Socionics says we are activity partners or whatever), and upon first meeting most ISFJ's it all seems true: nice, polite, traditional (no frills), etc. Things go well for a while (in each of my encounters, that's about 1 hour), and then the shit starts to hit the fan: the ISFJ's are fucking full of it. To be more specific, I begin to find myself in a power struggle with the ISFJ's as they begin to see that I am mentally apt. Its really weird. You think they have a good impression of you, and think you are fine, but based on this bullshit response I get down the road, its like I've been judged as the scrawny, awkward dumbass. Pretty much, I got taken for granted, or seen as just some dude, and so now when I start putting some skills on display, they (specifically the men, here) start getting nervous/worried/etc that this nobody is going to outshine them. This is so weird. What's going on here? Maybe they were expecting a timid pushover that they could string around their finger and do with as they please, but then when I begin to assert myself, they start feeling like idiots, and think, "who the fuck does this guy think he is?" Anyway, the worry begins to materialize in the form of some underhanded and aggressive actions to (as far as I can see) remind me, or make it clear to me who is in charge. Its like they start worrying that I'm going to hold something over them, or look down on them like they are irrelevant ("I'm not going to be some little shit nobody to this clown"). Now, its weird and unexpected and aggressive and all that, but its done with a smile, you know, so I cant call out "bitch" or "pussy," I just pretty much have to deal with it, or ignore it, and go on with life. Usually, I've ended up just fine, but these bids for superiority never seem to end. Everytime I meet up with these people again, its the same bullshit.
Again, what's going on here?
This was negative, but I'm not really trying to bash these people.. they (usually) mean well, and are (enviably) responsible/organized with just about everything. What I'm trying to do is understand just what the fuck is going on here.
Oh, and to my real point: the women.
The ISFJ women I meet are usually short and fat (like, obese), or well-dressed with nice hair, traditional makeup, and bodies that you'd see on a fitness magazine. Now, it doesn't matter if the women I see are fat or in great shape, I always feel the same attraction (did you see that one coming?). That is, I can't stop looking at them! I'm completely fucking mesmerized. Now, this attraction never really leads anywhere (the "power" problem I mentioned above is a real deal killer for me), but it also never goes away. So here I am with these women who keep bullshitting, and who are just sickening me with the actions they are taking, and who are also (just to show how weird this is) overweight and fairly average-looking, and all I can think of is how much I want to bone them. Heh. Does anyone have this happen to them? Its really weird.
Alright, so I went out with one of them a while ago, and it was like constant oscillation: initial meet, attraction, date, fight/bullshit, breakup, attraction, makeup, date, fight/bullshit, breakup.. again and again. And it was like (as I said before), no matter how disgusted I was with her, and what she does, I always found myself going back for more. And I'm sitting here wanting more again, and so I decided to ask.. what the hell?
I'm also kinda questioning whether or not I REALLY DO VALUE personality over beauty, because her personality is shit, in my opinion, and it continually drives me away once it surfaces, but I keep going back because of the very strong physical attraction I have to her. Sometimes she's fat, sometimes she's sexy as hell.. sometimes she's pretty, sometimes she looks all over the place and like shit, and as I keep saying, it doesn't matter-- I still want it!
I can't emphasize strongly enough how weird this is for me. I can't fucking explain it!
Before I repeat myself one more time..