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Thread: I have this weird problem: ISFJ women.

  1. #1

    Default I have this weird problem: ISFJ women.

    Alright, I don't get along with very many people. I have one of those caustic and abrasive personalities that would make even Mike Tyson blush. Anyway, I'm still an introvert, so my personality isn't always in your face, but if you bother to inquire, you'll certain get a dose of it.

    One specific set of people that I don't tend to get along with are (what I believe to be) ISFJs. When I get around them (male or female, doesn't matter) shit gets reaaaally weird. I had always heard on forums that ISFJ's are nice and traditional and responsible, and whatever else. This was excitng to me (that and the fact that Socionics says we are activity partners or whatever), and upon first meeting most ISFJ's it all seems true: nice, polite, traditional (no frills), etc. Things go well for a while (in each of my encounters, that's about 1 hour), and then the shit starts to hit the fan: the ISFJ's are fucking full of it. To be more specific, I begin to find myself in a power struggle with the ISFJ's as they begin to see that I am mentally apt. Its really weird. You think they have a good impression of you, and think you are fine, but based on this bullshit response I get down the road, its like I've been judged as the scrawny, awkward dumbass. Pretty much, I got taken for granted, or seen as just some dude, and so now when I start putting some skills on display, they (specifically the men, here) start getting nervous/worried/etc that this nobody is going to outshine them. This is so weird. What's going on here? Maybe they were expecting a timid pushover that they could string around their finger and do with as they please, but then when I begin to assert myself, they start feeling like idiots, and think, "who the fuck does this guy think he is?" Anyway, the worry begins to materialize in the form of some underhanded and aggressive actions to (as far as I can see) remind me, or make it clear to me who is in charge. Its like they start worrying that I'm going to hold something over them, or look down on them like they are irrelevant ("I'm not going to be some little shit nobody to this clown"). Now, its weird and unexpected and aggressive and all that, but its done with a smile, you know, so I cant call out "bitch" or "pussy," I just pretty much have to deal with it, or ignore it, and go on with life. Usually, I've ended up just fine, but these bids for superiority never seem to end. Everytime I meet up with these people again, its the same bullshit.

    Again, what's going on here?

    This was negative, but I'm not really trying to bash these people.. they (usually) mean well, and are (enviably) responsible/organized with just about everything. What I'm trying to do is understand just what the fuck is going on here.

    Oh, and to my real point: the women.

    Alright,

    The ISFJ women I meet are usually short and fat (like, obese), or well-dressed with nice hair, traditional makeup, and bodies that you'd see on a fitness magazine. Now, it doesn't matter if the women I see are fat or in great shape, I always feel the same attraction (did you see that one coming?). That is, I can't stop looking at them! I'm completely fucking mesmerized. Now, this attraction never really leads anywhere (the "power" problem I mentioned above is a real deal killer for me), but it also never goes away. So here I am with these women who keep bullshitting, and who are just sickening me with the actions they are taking, and who are also (just to show how weird this is) overweight and fairly average-looking, and all I can think of is how much I want to bone them. Heh. Does anyone have this happen to them? Its really weird.

    Alright, so I went out with one of them a while ago, and it was like constant oscillation: initial meet, attraction, date, fight/bullshit, breakup, attraction, makeup, date, fight/bullshit, breakup.. again and again. And it was like (as I said before), no matter how disgusted I was with her, and what she does, I always found myself going back for more. And I'm sitting here wanting more again, and so I decided to ask.. what the hell?

    I'm also kinda questioning whether or not I REALLY DO VALUE personality over beauty, because her personality is shit, in my opinion, and it continually drives me away once it surfaces, but I keep going back because of the very strong physical attraction I have to her. Sometimes she's fat, sometimes she's sexy as hell.. sometimes she's pretty, sometimes she looks all over the place and like shit, and as I keep saying, it doesn't matter-- I still want it!

    I can't emphasize strongly enough how weird this is for me. I can't fucking explain it!

    Before I repeat myself one more time..

    Thoughts?

  2. #2

    Default

    my mom is an isfj and my dad is an intp!

    My dad is a very laid back intp though who rarely speaks (and when he does everyone kind of crowds around like it's an oracle speaking or something!) which probably helps the situation

    I'd have to say that the easiest way to get along with my mom is to just go along with what her plans are- don't be late, be pleasant, dress for the situation and listen when she speaks! She's one of the nicest people that I know- I certainly know that I'd be signifigantly less polite if she hadn't been the one socializing me as a child, but she's very turned off by bluntness and bad manners.

    From this, I drag this advice- treat an isfj woman the same way you would your elderly and beloved grandma and all will go well!
    "Humanity I love you because when you're hard up you pawn your intelligence to buy a drink." e.e. cummings

  3. #3

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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    my mom is an isfj and my dad is an intp!

    My dad is a very laid back intp though who rarely speaks (and when he does everyone kind of crowds around like it's an oracle speaking or something!) which probably helps the situation

    I'd have to say that the easiest way to get along with my mom is to just go along with what her plans are- don't be late, be pleasant, dress for the situation and listen when she speaks! She's one of the nicest people that I know- I certainly know that I'd be signifigantly less polite if she hadn't been the one socializing me as a child, but she's very turned off by bluntness and bad manners.

    From this, I drag this advice- treat an isfj woman the same way you would your elderly and beloved grandma and all will go well!
    "...is to just go along with what her plans are"

    This is usually the source of significant contention between myself and those I believe to be ISFJs: we have different plans, and mine seems clear cut and solid, so I have no intention of doing anything other than what I had in mind. When I'm in a relationship its tough to be stubborn, or do a 180 and become the little lap dog, but when I'm talking to a stranger who is getting on with the bullshit, I just can't stand it. What I'm saying is that, alot of ISFJ's make plan and just expect me to go along with it, "just because." I usually do my own thing, and as I said, the shit begins.

    Just to be clear, my mom is an ISTJ, and I must say that she is WAAAAAAAY more aggressive than these ISFJs I know, so I'm somewhat used to it. But at the end of the day, the general bullshit still bothers me, and doesn't ever seem to go away.

  4. #4

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    i get along with 1/2 isfjs

    ---
    pff... beloved grandma... one isfj in my life (the one i don't get along with) is my granny and i don't like her much... she's too old fasioned and crazy (i.e. a religious prick who is senile from old age and is as close minded as.. bush. shes also a redneck -.-) and she totally bashed my sister constantley. i hates her.

    however, i do get along with one. one of my friends is a isfj. she is religious, non-conforational, doesn't like debate, nice, and doesn't care much if i bash christianity (we don't have much to talk about but that is okay with me).

  5. #5
    GirlAmerica
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    XSFJ's....I tend not to be able to deal with them at all...
    I feel like I am in some sort of parallel universe where things are happening...though on completely different levels.
    It is never comfortable.
    One in my entire life (also my grandmother) is the only one I have truly enjoyed...and even then we had language/idea/value clashes.

    For instance, she LOVED the democratic party. Now, being conservative...you might think I would have a problem with it. Truly, I dont.
    To each their own. The problem I had with it was she accepted reasoning from the depression era and blanketed modern day politics.
    Not ever considering that the democratic party that 'bailed us out, we would have starved to death' was not the democratic party of today.
    She never could 'get' it, no matter how much conversation....

    The frustration level with such is WAY TOO MUCH FOR ME.

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by mysavior View Post
    Thoughts?
    If it's any consolation, INFPs seem to have exactly the same weird attraction/repulsion thing towards ISTJs. I suspect that it's unconscious masochism. Or evidence of Malicious Design.

  7. #7

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    If it's any consolation, INFPs seem to have exactly the same weird attraction/repulsion thing towards ISTJs. I suspect that it's unconscious masochism. Or evidence of Malicious Design.
    "Or evidence of Malicious Design."

    Uhh, what is Malicious Design? I googled it, but didn't really get a definition.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by mysavior View Post
    "Or evidence of Malicious Design."

    Uhh, what is Malicious Design? I googled it, but didn't really get a definition.
    Like Intelligent Design, but not as nice.

  9. #9

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    I don't know about ISFJs, but I found ISFPs and ESFJs pretty damn charming and funny!

  10. #10
    The Destroyer Array Colors's Avatar
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    This is usually the source of significant contention between myself and those I believe to be ISFJs: we have different plans, and mine seems clear cut and solid, so I have no intention of doing anything other than what I had in mind. When I'm in a relationship its tough to be stubborn, or do a 180 and become the little lap dog, but when I'm talking to a stranger who is getting on with the bullshit, I just can't stand it. What I'm saying is that, alot of ISFJ's make plan and just expect me to go along with it, "just because." I usually do my own thing, and as I said, the shit begins.
    Sounds like you have your own plan. And your exes do too. And you all are very stubborn. Has it to do with type? Sounds like you have more in common than you think.

    You are attracted to these women for a reason. And yet you claim they are unattractive/normal and have horrible personalities. Maybe it would do you better to recognize the qualities you are attracted to in them instead of loathing what you are drawn to? Then you could determine if these qualities were worth pursuing- and change your behavior accordingly to maximize your results.

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