[ESTJ] To ESTJ's

[INTPness]

When you guys say something like "What the &*^$ are you thinking?" "Why the &*#@ would you do that?" "You aren't handling this situation right at all. What the ^&*$!!!" to someone who is close to you like a family member, what does it really mean?

INTP's are pretty logical, so we can totally see when someone did something stupid, but the way you guys sometimes say these things is scary. Like why would you want to talk to someone that way? It really makes me not want to deal with you anymore and actually lose respect for you because it sounds so condescending and chauvanistic (sp?). But, I think I've learned from ESTJ's that are close to me that even when they say things like this, everything can be OK like 10 minutes later.

When you guys talk like that, I usually think, "OK, that person obviously has a problem with how I do things, and they seem REALLY PISSED, so I guess they don't want anything to do with me or they don't like me." So then I'll keep my distance from them.

But then the ESTJ will act like nothing is wrong or like nothing ever happened. It's really confusing. Your words come off like "I think you're a freaking idiot and a loser. Take a hike!" But, then 10 minutes later you're cool again.

Please explain what goes through your head when you speak this way to a family member. Are you not really as mad as you sound? Or are you REALLY mad, but then just get over it quickly??

 

[Max]

For one thing, I don't swear that much.

But I get the idea.

This is tough to answer. In general, we're known for having a tendency to believe we're always right, and when we say stuff like that, it's showing. I do get criticized for it often, and I really don't believe I've done anything wrong. Have you not heard of tough love? It's a natural thing for us. I also think that it varies from ESTJ to ESTJ about who's bothered more easily by things.

 

[T-Guy]

Speaking for myself, when I say things like that as a byproduct of your behaviour/actions, I am usually pissed off at your behaviours or actions. Dont' take it personally because I'm not mad at you; I'm just not happy with what you just did. I hope that makes sense.

 

[INTPness]

OK makes sense. Thanks for the responses.

 

[NewEra]

I'm getting annoyed with the people who act like this, trying to rule other people. Don't know if it's just ESTJs or not, but I don't like when people try to control me. It's annoying.

 

[LostInNerSpace]

When you point the finger there are three point back. Not everybody handle the truth about themselves. It's sometimes better to play dumb for the sake of getting along.

 

[EJCC]

Please explain what goes through your head when you speak this way to a family member. Are you not really as mad as you sound? Or are you REALLY mad, but then just get over it quickly??

I think T-guy said it well - it's the action, not the person. If you personally were annoying me, I probably wouldn't say anything to you, and I probably would avoid you and give you the cold shoulder. But if I act like I'm cool, that means that I'm cool. I'm not going to lie about something like that. (I'm bad at faking emotions... but in all seriousness, the thought wouldn't even cross my mind.) So it isn't a personal thing; what it IS is a stress-related thing. Usually in a "WHAT THE FSCK WERE YOU THINKING" moment, what's really upsetting them isn't that you did that - it's that, SINCE you've done that, there will be consequences that the ESTJ might not feel prepared for. What they might mean, without saying it (or really knowing it), is "OH MY GOD MY PLAN IS RUINED EVERYTHING IS RUINED OH GOD!!!"

I apologize on behalf of my ESTJ brethren for the way that the ESTJs you speak of have acted (I effing HATE rhetorical questions like that, so I feel your pain).

 

[SillySapienne]

ESTJ's enemy?

Incompetence!!!

 

[EJCC]

^ Word.

 

[Fidelia]

Yes, but what counts as incompetance? Would the general population also agree that it was, or is it more what the ESTJ rules as being incompetance?

I used to find it frustrating that my ESTJ would need to have every small detail for some project of mine (!) figured out far sooner than it made sense to do it. He would then insist on taking responsibility for something, then something else more important to him would come up right when I needed him most and I would be left with it at the last minute. He would then be upset that it was being done at the last moment. I would have far preferred him to either take care of it or leave it in my court. It's almost like there's a believe that unless it was done exactly his way, it was incompetant.

 

[EJCC]

Oh, it's subjective. We see something done "incorrectly", and we feel the need to fix it. It's our duty. ESTJ to the rescue!
... or so we'd like to think.