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Thread: ISTJ Heartbreak

  1. #11
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    Definitely. I will. Thanks for the tips everyone.

    He's definitely one of the best people I know. It's so different knowing how to offer comfort to someone so different than me. I want to do it effectively.

  2. #12
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by E.Thomas View Post
    My hero.

    I agree with other posts about letting him talk rather than asking him.
    I'm going to repeat this again, just in case you were thinking about it. It's something that really bugs me.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  3. #13
    Senior Member ArbiterDewey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sarah View Post
    Be a good listener -- IF he wants to talk about it, but don't expect him to want to talk about it necessarily. Tell him about his talents and his good points. Find some way of reassuring him that "this too will pass", and that he's a good person who's loveable, regardless of the fact that the woman he's set his heart on didn't have the good sense to love him back. Make contact with him -- check up on him to see how he's doing every now and then. Do little acts of kindness for him, to show him in concrete ways that you respect him as a friend and think he's a good guy.

    (this seemed to work when my ISTJ sister was heartbroken over the loss of a romance about half a year ago)

    Sarah
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    Your first sentence was sound, but after that I became exhausted reading the rest of your reply. That may have worked for your sister, but for me, personally, that doesn't sound helpful.

    Give the guy space. Let him deal with it in his own head, and, when he feels ready to talk about it, he'll probably drop initiating phrases in conversation. More than likely you will have to inquire about the phrasing. Take these seriously and let him talk. Until this time, don't bring it up.

    Of course this may be just me again...

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  4. #14
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    This morning I bought him donuts and orange juice (his favorite) and left them outside of his door with a ("you are awesome-not too touchy feely") note on my way to work. He just emailed to say thank you and that he was glad he has friends he can depend upon even though his current situation sucks.

  5. #15
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ArbiterDewey View Post
    Give the guy space. Let him deal with it in his own head, and, when he feels ready to talk about it, he'll probably drop initiating phrases in conversation. More than likely you will have to inquire about the phrasing. Take these seriously and let him talk. Until this time, don't bring it up.
    I agree with that. After a break-up, I might want to talk to my friends about it, but I would like to decide when. If you push me for it too soon, I'll probably just get grumpy.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  6. #16
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Do male ISTJs like to talk a great deal about such things, or just hold them inside mostly?

    Do they like to talk about their emotions involved in such a thing, or just the logistics of how things played out, where they might have gone wrong, and what should have happened, etc?

    I have usually seen a tendency to intellectualize most of the breakup/disappointment at least in how it gets articulated, regardless of what is felt inside... I wouldn't expect mushy-gushy.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

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  7. #17
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Do male ISTJs like to talk a great deal about such things, or just hold them inside mostly?

    Do they like to talk about their emotions involved in such a thing, or just the logistics of how things played out, where they might have gone wrong, and what should have happened, etc?

    I have usually seen a tendency to intellectualize most of the breakup/disappointment at least in how it gets articulated, regardless of what is felt inside... I wouldn't expect mushy-gushy.
    Definitely the logistics.

    The feelings, for the most part just kind of seethe and are kept to our self.

  8. #18
    Senior Member ArbiterDewey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Do male ISTJs like to talk a great deal about such things, or just hold them inside mostly?
    I'll vote on mostly inside. Last time I talked about a post-breakup I was talking to a number of friends, all of which are close. They offered their opinions and I reflected while they spoke. Once I was internally satisfied we smoked a bowl of shisha.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer
    Do they like to talk about their emotions involved in such a thing, or just the logistics of how things played out, where they might have gone wrong, and what should have happened, etc?
    I didn't reveal great amounts of emotion in the previous example, just enough to make my points. I mostly gave my logical point of view, especially that she was being too emotional and needy ("clingy" I imagine). I guess, in regards to your question, "a little from column a. and a little from column b.," but neither to an extreme.
    Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
    --Isaac Asimov, Salvor Hardin in "Foundation"

    Nothing is worse than active ignorance.
    --Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

    Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
    --Isaac Asimov

  9. #19
    Senior Member moonbaby's Avatar
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    ISTJs, do you play it over and over and over in your head......? I have to reread emails etc.
    I am going through that now, even though I am the one who cut the communication.

  10. #20
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Yup, I tried to play it out like a strategy, analyze every inclination of meaning in every word, etc.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

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