User Tag List

First 567

Results 61 to 69 of 69

  1. #61
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    7,004

    Default

    I have similar issues with an ISTJ friend as mentioned earlier in the thread.

    She and I played video games together, and did some small talk. But after that got mundane and boring... We got distant. There was nothing to talk about that was interesting, we had no drive to want to see each other. What makes it worse is that when she opened up on me about a few things I got offended by a couple of things (her cheating in a few of her romantic relationships, two of which were with very good friends of mine). Forgive and forget... That is what I tell myself. She hates herself for cheating... So why should I hate her?

    I haven't spoken to her in almost a month... It really bothers me. It feels awkward, because she knows how I feel about her and I have no idea what to say.

    If anyone from either POV could enlighten me, I would much appreciate it. I want to continue being her friend... but something's gotta change. How do I avoid this distance with you guys, or how did you avoid it? Please share.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  2. #62
    Perfect Gentleman! =D d@v3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Posts
    2,830

    Default

    An ISTJ cheated on someone? I think thats unusual..still more unusual is that she told you about it. She must have trusted you a great deal. I take it she didn't know you were good friends with the people she cheated on? You said you got offended by a couple of things, did you yell at her? I know this may be hard to do, but maybe you could try to apologize for your reaction. After all, you did say she already hated herself for doing it. You can't go back and change the past so there is no point in staying mad.
    Freedom Isn't Free. [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #63
    Senior Member NewEra's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    I
    Posts
    3,104

    Default

    Honestly, starting up a discussion with a common interest (with the ISTJ) is the best way, according to me.

  4. #64
    almost half a doctor phoenix13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    7w8
    Posts
    1,313

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkIceTD View Post
    Male or female ISTJs how do you bond with friends, gf/bf, husband/wife? I know that I am able to bond with people by talking, sharing information or giving advice, but as I've recently learned ISTJs aren't big on talking about personal/emotional stuff. So what type of things make you feel as if you have a connection with another human being? WHat type of things help you to trust another person?
    The one ISTJ I know likes to bond by simply spending time with me. We don't usually have deep profound conversations (although, every once in a while, we'll go there). Instead, we do silly things like drawing comics, playing pool, watching star wars, eating food, etc., etc. So spend time with your ISTJ... over time a connection can be made stronger just by being in his/her presence.

    Oh yeah, and with my ISTJ buddy, words don't go too far in showing you care. Their dominant function is Si, so they've got a great memory for things you've done in the past to show you care. Iow, express love through actions.

    "OMG I FEEEEEEEEEL SO INTENSELY ABOUT EVERYTHING OMG OMG OMG GET ME A XANAX" -Priam (ENFP impersonation)

  5. #65
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Posts
    3,424

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    She and I played video games together, and did some small talk. But after that got mundane and boring... We got distant. There was nothing to talk about that was interesting, we had no drive to want to see each other.

    I haven't spoken to her in almost a month... It really bothers me. It feels awkward, because she knows how I feel about her and I have no idea what to say.

    I want to continue being her friend... but something's gotta change.
    I have lost a few friendships like this in the past. My oldest friend, who I met 15 years ago, drifted away because we didn't have many common interests anymore, and neither of us really took initiative to keep a friendship going. What did I expect? Of course the friendship dissipated.

    Take that step and stay in touch with her?
    Try doing something new together, but not too different? Like going from pool table to ping pong table.
    Do these sound like good ideas or bad ideas?
    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    What makes it worse is that when she opened up on me about a few things I got offended by a couple of things (her cheating in a few of her romantic relationships, two of which were with very good friends of mine). Forgive and forget... That is what I tell myself. She hates herself for cheating... So why should I hate her?
    You said in the first quote that you want to be her friend, and you make it sound like she wants to be your friend, too. That's a good start. She didn't mention the cheating casually, did she? It probably was really eating away at her if she decided she had to tell you about it. To me, it shows that she wants you to trust her.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  6. #66
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    7,004

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by d@v3 View Post
    An ISTJ cheated on someone? I think thats unusual..still more unusual is that she told you about it. She must have trusted you a great deal. I take it she didn't know you were good friends with the people she cheated on? You said you got offended by a couple of things, did you yell at her? I know this may be hard to do, but maybe you could try to apologize for your reaction. After all, you did say she already hated herself for doing it. You can't go back and change the past so there is no point in staying mad.
    I didn't yell at her. I was just highly disturbed... One of the people she cheated on just so happens to be my best friend. Like... The person who knows everything about me best friend and vice versa. Funny thing is they are still dating and they really like each other.

    She said the exact same thing what I expressed my feelings, that she couldn't fix the past but that you can prepare for the future.

    But I have no idea what to do... I'm kinda "wounded at the core" in this situation. Which was why I was asking how I could get back to talking to her casually :P. There used to be so much to talk about... Our differences made things a lot more entertaining. But once we talked about stuff it just kinda... came to a screeching halt. Then after that I found out about that stuff and it just got worse in my mind.

    She knew at the time that they were my good friends (known them since 3rd grade) that she cheated on (a couple of NFs). That must have taken a lot of courage on her part... Since I realize you guys are the most private type.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  7. #67
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    ESFP
    Enneagram
    9w8 sx/sp
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    7,004

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    You said in the first quote that you want to be her friend, and you make it sound like she wants to be your friend, too. That's a good start. She didn't mention the cheating casually, did she? It probably was really eating away at her if she decided she had to tell you about it. To me, it shows that she wants you to trust her.
    It kinda makes me hate myself that I don't trust her very much yet she has trusted me with her deepest secrets (nothing I want to say in public... Scarred for life material on her part).
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  8. #68
    Let's make this showy! raz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    LoLz
    Posts
    2,523

    Default

    I was just in my business math class and was able to strike up a conversation with a girl in it. Definite conversation keeper upper for an ISTJ = bank reconciliation forms. Haha!


  9. #69
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    MBTI
    ISTx
    Posts
    10,552

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by phoenix13 View Post

    Oh yeah, and with my ISTJ buddy, words don't go too far in showing you care. Their dominant function is Si, so they've got a great memory for things you've done in the past to show you care. Iow, express love through actions.
    Totally.

Similar Threads

  1. Can we connect philosophy with racism?
    By coberst in forum Philosophy and Spirituality
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 07-05-2009, 11:22 PM
  2. ENTP seriously messing with ISTJ(?)
    By Amargith in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 71
    Last Post: 06-18-2009, 05:46 PM
  3. [MBTItm] Problems with ISTJ snide remarks
    By Immaculate Cloud in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 45
    Last Post: 03-13-2009, 11:26 AM
  4. [MBTItm] INFP with ISTJ co-worker = PAIN
    By eternitybc in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 32
    Last Post: 10-21-2008, 01:09 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO