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  1. #21
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by moonbaby View Post
    Being a similar creature I hsve found no problems dealing with ISTJs or in bonding w/them. My problem with them comes in when their words and actions don't match....then I can no longer read a person I read rather well. The only place I have observed this in ISTJs is when emotion is involved (as in my situation where he said he was happy where he was though constantly/blatently spilling otherwise).

    I think because I operate so similar to them there are things I understand as natural in myself and automatically understand in them. Somethings that every ISTJ I have encounted (including my 12yo son) seem to need understood about them to relax and (accidently) bond:

    Withdrawl/time alone is needed to deal with things and to recharge. If you do not let this happen or take it personally, you are neglecting something they need to be balanced and happy.


    Approach. There is a way I approach ISTJs for my own comfort and theirs. This would be males as a female. Because these males are perceived as so stiff and serious (and I can see right past that) they bring a playful side out of me. A fun and challenging side. It works everytime, every approach and it let's me see their mood. Depending on mood (serious/busy/playful etc) I know how to handle the rest of the interaction. Again, I like people to be courtious of me also. If I am focused I welcome a small break BUT I HAVE to get back to my task at hand. I do not want more than a very small break. Therefore if ISTJ is busy...I am quickly off so they can get back to it. It is very girl on the play ground with boy. It causes/helps my guard and theirs to relax/go down.

    I do not need someone to gush all over me...and I do not gush myself. It actually is very uncomfortable and makes me feel they are not sincere or other things.
    If ISTJ cares about you, they are apprearing in your life in a steady fashion. They are sharing things they love with you, listening about your passions etc.
    One ISTJ in particular I know loves to debate (politics etc) so I was on the same debate (online) board(history & current eventd) with him (that is how I knew him). Once befriended we became good friends...-I noticed he would get involved sometimes purposely to defend my points, coming to my aid. We are still each others advocate and supporter. To me that is a sign of his loyalty and respect...both to me equal affection.

    Feelings are very difficult on introverted thinkers. Something once stated remains as it until stated otherwise. Our actions (being apart of someones life) speaks louder than our words.


    There is a lot more...though really it is about underatanding that you may not understand the person from your own operating level/ perspective...it is shifting your mind and seeing what is affection etc in the terms of the other person based on who they are and accepting it without trying to force change.

    *ISTJs, I hope I haven't stepped on any toes here. Please feel free to expand/correct.

    Respectfully,
    INTJ female




    **one last thing...never assume or accuse or question an ISTJ. Inquire respectfully.
    "accidently bond". wow, you hit the nail on the head there. I usually only get closer to people because I am somehow forced to spend time with them on a regular basis, like people you work with.

    Do you mind explaining "it is very girl on the play ground with boy"? I don't get it.

    You seem to understand ISTJ's very well.
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  2. #22
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bella View Post
    I don't think the talkers appreciate it.
    I don't understand it...I have one ISTJ friend (and he gets quiet alot) but have acquired several IxTx friends over recent years and they all seem to enjoy just being quiet....

    But when all of a sudden they fall quiet I'm thinking, "Did I say something wrong? Am I boring them? What's happening?????"

    I'm understanding it more now, but if I know that it's nothing I did I'm fine...I have no problem with quiet time.

  3. #23
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by moonbaby View Post
    Being a similar creature I hsve found no problems dealing with ISTJs or in bonding w/them. My problem with them comes in when their words and actions don't match....then I can no longer read a person I read rather well. The only place I have observed this in ISTJs is when emotion is involved (as in my situation where he said he was happy where he was though constantly/blatently spilling otherwise).

    I think because I operate so similar to them there are things I understand as natural in myself and automatically understand in them. Somethings that every ISTJ I have encounted (including my 12yo son) seem to need understood about them to relax and (accidently) bond:

    Withdrawl/time alone is needed to deal with things and to recharge. If you do not let this happen or take it personally, you are neglecting something they need to be balanced and happy.

    Approach. There is a way I approach ISTJs for my own comfort and theirs. This would be males as a female. Because these males are perceived as so stiff and serious (and I can see right past that) they bring a playful side out of me. A fun and challenging side. It works everytime, every approach and it let's me see their mood. Depending on mood (serious/busy/playful etc) I know how to handle the rest of the interaction. Again, I like people to be courtious of me also. If I am focused I welcome a small break BUT I HAVE to get back to my task at hand. I do not want more than a very small break. Therefore if ISTJ is busy...I am quickly off so they can get back to it. It is very girl on the play ground with boy. It causes/helps my guard and theirs to relax/go down.

    I do not need someone to gush all over me...and I do not gush myself. It actually is very uncomfortable and makes me feel they are not sincere or other things.
    If ISTJ cares about you, they are apprearing in your life in a steady fashion. They are sharing things they love with you, listening about your passions etc.
    One ISTJ in particular I know loves to debate (politics etc) so I was on the same debate (online) board(history & current eventd) with him (that is how I knew him). Once befriended we became good friends...-I noticed he would get involved sometimes purposely to defend my points, coming to my aid. We are still each others advocate and supporter. To me that is a sign of his loyalty and respect...both to me equal affection.

    Feelings are very difficult on introverted thinkers. Something once stated remains as it until stated otherwise. Our actions (being apart of someones life) speaks louder than our words.


    There is a lot more...though really it is about underatanding that you may not understand the person from your own operating level/ perspective...it is shifting your mind and seeing what is affection etc in the terms of the other person based on who they are and accepting it without trying to force change.

    *ISTJs, I hope I haven't stepped on any toes here. Please feel free to expand/correct.

    Respectfully,
    INTJ female




    **one last thing...never assume or accuse or question an ISTJ. Inquire respectfully.
    Thank You for that post. You do seem to really understand the ISTJ, although I have observed these things I never understood it from an ntroverted thinking point of view (very hard to do). So thanks

  4. #24
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkIceTD View Post
    I don't understand it...I have one ISTJ friend (and he gets quiet alot) but have acquired several IxTx friends over recent years and they all seem to enjoy just being quiet....

    But when all of a sudden they fall quiet I'm thinking, "Did I say something wrong? Am I boring them? What's happening?????"

    I'm understanding it more now, but if I know that it's nothing I did I'm fine...I have no problem with quiet time.
    lol, It's so odd to hear the other side of it, it always feels like it's only the quiet ones who worry about being quiet.
    Well, the same way the quiet makes you nervous, the expectation to talk makes me (us) nervous. It's so nice when somebody DOESN'T make a fuss of me not talking or doesn't assume something is wrong. When people focus on it and there is pressure, I get so nervous and tense, it's a complete disaster. But the older I get the more likely I am to just give you The Look of Death for hassling me. And I'll probably avoid you in future.
    And your friends don't go quiet because you said something wrong, it's nicer for me (us) to listen to others talk.
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  5. #25
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by moonbaby View Post
    Because these males are perceived as so stiff and serious
    I wonder if I appear that way. I have noticed that there's almost zero change between my different facial expressions (for different moods). It surprised me myself when I checked it in the mirror one time. But I always figured I came off looking as really nervous.
    Quote Originally Posted by moonbaby
    If ISTJ cares about you, they are apprearing in your life in a steady fashion. They are sharing things they love with you, listening about your passions etc.
    Very well put.
    Quote Originally Posted by moonbaby
    I noticed he would get involved sometimes purposely to defend my points, coming to my aid.
    I've done that before, too.

    So your post looks pretty much on the mark.

    What Bella is true for me, also. Most of my best friendships happen due to circumstances. My friends know that they can always count on me, and I'll always listen to them. (or at least, I like to think so)
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  6. #26
    Senior Member LindseyLadybug's Avatar
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    I didn't read all of the posts on this thread but I just thought I'd share some tips since my dad is an ISTJ and we are very close....and I'm an INFJ. We share some interests like music...there are a couple genres we both appreciate. There are some movies and TV shows we both like. We joke a lot. He LOVES it when I ask him for advice, especially if it has to do with something he thinks is important, a situation in which I need help being assertive, etc. We both enjoy reading. We have similar political views so we like to discuss current events and big issues.

  7. #27
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    ^INFJs and ISTJs seem to typically get along pretty well. It's reverse for me. I'm the son that's ISTJ and both my parents are INFJ. We've had run-ins in the past mostly over the same issues, but overall, we've gotten along just fine.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkIceTD View Post
    I don't understand it...I have one ISTJ friend (and he gets quiet alot) but have acquired several IxTx friends over recent years and they all seem to enjoy just being quiet....

    But when all of a sudden they fall quiet I'm thinking, "Did I say something wrong? Am I boring them? What's happening?????"

    I'm understanding it more now, but if I know that it's nothing I did I'm fine...I have no problem with quiet time.
    LOL that is totally when you know you've bonded. Don't feel bad at all. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people ask me if something is wrong, I'm mad, or upset, when I really just want to listen to the awesomeness of quiet and let my mind wander.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bella
    Being quiet with someone.
    Makes me mad that I didn't think of that, but right on.

  9. #29
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    I talked to my ISTJ friend, the one I initially asked about in my other thread...

    Tonight he shared something very personal with me that I asked him about ages ago and he REFUSED to even think about talking to me about it, and today he just started telling me. i felt special

    Anyway, of course there were quiet moments and I tried not to feel compelled to fill up the space with some random topic just to talk. It was cool, I didn't feel pressured to talk, and eventually he would just start telling me things that I never could get him to before when I asked him straight out. Nice.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Maabus1999's Avatar
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    ISTJ's can be more of a hermit then INTJ's. I know this from personal experience. They will open up at weird times though and hang lose at surprising times.

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