Shared hobbies/Unshared hobbies work too. As long as the other person is passionate and knowledgeable about it, there is a possibility that it will rub off on the ISTJ and become their hobby too. Or at least it happens to me.
That's true for me too, but I feel like my friendships are based too much on these kinds of activities. And when we outgrow them or get tired of them, we start spending less time together, since we don't do much besides those activities. It seems like a really flimsy basis for a friendship, but that's probably just my specific friendship, not all cases like this. That's why I was really happy when two of my friends and I started hanging out together more in a relaxed, low-key way once one of us got a "bachelor pad"--we didn't have to be doing anything in particular to be bonding.
I just don't know how much this one is about my friendships, or about friendships in general. I don't know how well this applies...
Last edited by Cimarron; 10-22-2008 at 12:19 AM.
Being a similar creature I hsve found no problems dealing with ISTJs or in bonding w/them. My problem with them comes in when their words and actions don't match....then I can no longer read a person I read rather well. The only place I have observed this in ISTJs is when emotion is involved (as in my situation where he said he was happy where he was though constantly/blatently spilling otherwise).
I think because I operate so similar to them there are things I understand as natural in myself and automatically understand in them. Somethings that every ISTJ I have encounted (including my 12yo son) seem to need understood about them to relax and (accidently) bond:
Withdrawl/time alone is needed to deal with things and to recharge. If you do not let this happen or take it personally, you are neglecting something they need to be balanced and happy.
Approach. There is a way I approach ISTJs for my own comfort and theirs. This would be males as a female. Because these males are perceived as so stiff and serious (and I can see right past that) they bring a playful side out of me. A fun and challenging side. It works everytime, every approach and it let's me see their mood. Depending on mood (serious/busy/playful etc) I know how to handle the rest of the interaction. Again, I like people to be courtious of me also. If I am focused I welcome a small break BUT I HAVE to get back to my task at hand. I do not want more than a very small break. Therefore if ISTJ is busy...I am quickly off so they can get back to it. It is very girl on the play ground with boy. It causes/helps my guard and theirs to relax/go down.
I do not need someone to gush all over me...and I do not gush myself. It actually is very uncomfortable and makes me feel they are not sincere or other things.
If ISTJ cares about you, they are apprearing in your life in a steady fashion. They are sharing things they love with you, listening about your passions etc.
One ISTJ in particular I know loves to debate (politics etc) so I was on the same debate (online) board(history & current eventd) with him (that is how I knew him). Once befriended we became good friends...-I noticed he would get involved sometimes purposely to defend my points, coming to my aid. We are still each others advocate and supporter. To me that is a sign of his loyalty and respect...both to me equal affection.
Feelings are very difficult on introverted thinkers. Something once stated remains as it until stated otherwise. Our actions (being apart of someones life) speaks louder than our words.
There is a lot more...though really it is about underatanding that you may not understand the person from your own operating level/ perspective...it is shifting your mind and seeing what is affection etc in the terms of the other person based on who they are and accepting it without trying to force change.
*ISTJs, I hope I haven't stepped on any toes here. Please feel free to expand/correct.
**one last thing...never assume or accuse or question an ISTJ. Inquire respectfully.