Thanks a lot Cimmaron and Recoleta, and the others that responded, very very helpful.
You're welcome, I feel that we are often misunderstood so if I can help clarify it's better for all parties involved.
I don't mean to interrogate you Recoleta... lol.. but..
If you knew the person you liked had a hobby, would you go out of your way to make them know you like it too, as in participating in it as well? Ex: Maybe your crush likes music A TON, would you post pictures on the internet of you at concerts or playing an instrument or something such?
First off, I don't mind direct questioning so ask away whatever you'd like.
Ok, to answer this question, I would say no, definitely not. I have to be myself at all times. I will not feign interest in something just because someone else likes it. With that said, I am open to new experiences. If the person I am interested in loves music and concerts, I'd admit I know nothing about it, and would then say I wouldn't mind seeing what it's about. I see no point trying to make someone think I am anything other than what I really am, because then I'd just be making life miserable for myself and I'd have a really hard time keeping up the charade and will likely end up looking dumb in the end anyway.
For instance, one guy I was interested in loves the Coen Brothers' movies. I had no idea who they were, so I watched some of their movies with him. Some were ok, and some I thought sucked. Either way, I wasn't about to pretend their movies were great if I thought they were awful.
Another guy that liked me was in a pro boxer circuit. I knew nothing about boxing, so I asked him all kinds of questions about it to satisfy my curiosity. I previously knew nothing, but now I know a little more thanks to him, but I never pretended to enjoy boxing. Any interest I show is usually genuine.
This issue doesn't come up all that often because I seem to be attracted to people I share many interests with anyway. I'm fine with having my own independent interests and am totally fine letting them have their own as well.
When I had mentioned "researching" something they were interested in I really meant I give it some thought. Some guys who know me will say, "Hey, you should check this out." So I do. I didn't mean that I make up this whole master-minded plan to get them to think I'm interested in stuff they like. It's more like being informed...allows me to be a well-rounded person.
And have you ever been tempted to approach a crush because they never made the first move? Or have you done so before and under what circumstances (you knew he liked you but would never make the first move, you were just crazy about him and didn't want him to slip away, etc etc)?
I'm thoroughly interested in the ISTJ mind set, it's pretty unique
Gah, yes this is the story of my life right now.
Ok, long story...I'll attempt to keep it short.
I have an INTJ friend who I've known for about 6 years. He's a great guy, I respect him, and I have feelings for him. Over these past 6 years we have done many "date-like" things like having dinner, hanging out 1-on-1, going to the movies, hiking, good conversations, came to a wedding with me once etc. It's never gotten physical outside of hugging. We're both emotional retards and we're both pretty introverted, but yet we still manage to remain pretty close and very comfortable with each other. This past year we had been separated due to him finishing undergrad and me starting grad school at a different university. He's now graduated and we're living in the same city again. Since he's been back we've been hanging out again every week and staying involved in each others lives. I'm really happy about this, but I don't know the extent of his feelings for me.
I know we're friends and that he likes me in that respect, but as far as romantic feelings go I don't have a clue. It's really frustrating. After so long of knowing him, at this point I'd just really like to know how he feels. He's been the only guy out of 3 others that has never made a move. I've been waiting and waiting, and it's gotten sooooooo close a couple of times, but it's never happened. It's odd, we can talk about anything EXCEPT feelings for each other. I think the tension has started to build again, so hopefully something will come of it soon. Honestly, I'm getting tired of waiting, so he might be the first to irritate me in to making a move. At this point in my life where I'm about to finish up grad school and start a career I'm tired of playing games. If he likes me, then good. If not, it'll hurt for a little while, but I'll get over it and I'll be able to move on (you know, us ISTJ's need that element of certainty and closure). I just don't want to jeopardize a great friendship. I'd hate to think that if things didn't work out we'll end up hating each other or not a part of each other's lives.
Regadless, I've been waiting for about 6 years. I'm a very patient person, but at this point I'm ready for a make-it or break-it moment. I've been trying to figure out a way to get us to talk about feelings and stuff, but it never seems like the right time. I need inspiration or something -- a conversational launching pad if you will. I can't just go up to him one day and be like, "Hey, I've had a crush on you for a long time now....you've been dragging your heels and won't step up, so are you game or what!?" Beware when ISTJ's show their feelings. It's the bottled up effect...it either all stays in, or it all comes out in a violent explosion. I'm trying to figure out a way that is neither of those 2 options.
