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  1. #31
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tENnisFJ View Post
    Interesting!

    Like how the guy described his broth-in-laws way of "flirting," how would the same thing apply to you? If you liked someone, how would you try to grab their attention? Or demonstrate you like them (even if it's incredibly subtle)?
    I think I just hang around them a lot and keep some sort of consistent contact with the person. If I call you first to make plans, yeah, that pretty much means I like you. Something else I've noticed is that I have a fantastic memory when I listen to someone I like talking. I take in all the details and file them away for future reference and use. When I say this, I mean I take notice of what they like and don't like and kind of tailor my interactions with that person accordingly. Sometimes if I know certain things that they are interested in, I might do a little research to be able to hold a conversation about it so I don't seem ignorant about their interests.

    I've noticed that I don't need to do anything "big" with the other person to feel content. It could be as simple as watching tv or just going for a walk. It's more about spending time getting to know the other person rather than spending money and doing lots of activities together.

    Like Bella said, I hate it when other people know that I like them...it makes me feel really vulnerable and exposed (especially if I have no idea how they feel towards me). It is annoying though keeping all those emotions bottled up inside. I don't go out of the way for them not to notice, and I usually don't even care if others know. It's just taking that first step to let the other person know that you like them. It's a high-risk high-reward/loss situation, and I don't like risk Bummer. Taking the initiative in that department terrifies me.

    Also, I'll +1 what Cimarron said about physical intimacy. It's not happening until I know you like me and we've talked about it to some extent. I'll give hugs, but that's where it stops.

  2. #32
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    Thanks a lot Cimmaron and Recoleta, and the others that responded, very very helpful.

    I don't mean to interrogate you Recoleta... lol.. but..

    If you knew the person you liked had a hobby, would you go out of your way to make them know you like it too, as in participating in it as well? Ex: Maybe your crush likes music A TON, would you post pictures on the internet of you at concerts or playing an instrument or something such?

    And have you ever been tempted to approach a crush because they never made the first move? Or have you done so before and under what circumstances(you knew he liked you but would never make the first move, you were just crazy about him and didn't want him to slip away, etc etc)?

    I'm thoroughly interested in the ISTJ mind set, it's pretty unique

  3. #33
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    haha it's insane how many people are trying to figure out ISTJs.. myself included.
    What are you guys doing in society that is turning our worlds upside down?!

  4. #34
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    haha it's insane how many people are trying to figure out ISTJs.. myself included.
    What are you guys doing in society that is turning our worlds upside down?!
    Yeah, batumi and I were saying how people just started coming out of the woodwork.

    It's just that in relationships from flirting through actual commitment, they do things so differently... :sigh: I love ISTJs.

  5. #35
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkIceTD View Post
    Is this your personal thing or

    Is this more for men or women or more universal. Also, would the alternative be to pretend that you don't? For example, if you liked someone, would you (you meaning any ISTJ that wants to answer) go out of your way to almost make that persone believe you are uninterested?
    No, I wouldn't go out of my way to seem uninterested.
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  6. #36
    Senior Member Bella's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    haha it's insane how many people are trying to figure out ISTJs.. myself included.
    What are you guys doing in society that is turning our worlds upside down?!
    lol! Er...nothing?
    yesiknowimamiserablegrouchnowgoawayovmeleor

    It's Mizzz ST, thank you...

  7. #37
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tENnisFJ View Post
    Thanks a lot Cimmaron and Recoleta, and the others that responded, very very helpful.
    You're welcome, I feel that we are often misunderstood so if I can help clarify it's better for all parties involved.

    Quote Originally Posted by tENnisFJ View Post
    I don't mean to interrogate you Recoleta... lol.. but..

    If you knew the person you liked had a hobby, would you go out of your way to make them know you like it too, as in participating in it as well? Ex: Maybe your crush likes music A TON, would you post pictures on the internet of you at concerts or playing an instrument or something such?
    First off, I don't mind direct questioning so ask away whatever you'd like.

    Ok, to answer this question, I would say no, definitely not. I have to be myself at all times. I will not feign interest in something just because someone else likes it. With that said, I am open to new experiences. If the person I am interested in loves music and concerts, I'd admit I know nothing about it, and would then say I wouldn't mind seeing what it's about. I see no point trying to make someone think I am anything other than what I really am, because then I'd just be making life miserable for myself and I'd have a really hard time keeping up the charade and will likely end up looking dumb in the end anyway.

    For instance, one guy I was interested in loves the Coen Brothers' movies. I had no idea who they were, so I watched some of their movies with him. Some were ok, and some I thought sucked. Either way, I wasn't about to pretend their movies were great if I thought they were awful.

    Another guy that liked me was in a pro boxer circuit. I knew nothing about boxing, so I asked him all kinds of questions about it to satisfy my curiosity. I previously knew nothing, but now I know a little more thanks to him, but I never pretended to enjoy boxing. Any interest I show is usually genuine.

    This issue doesn't come up all that often because I seem to be attracted to people I share many interests with anyway. I'm fine with having my own independent interests and am totally fine letting them have their own as well.

    When I had mentioned "researching" something they were interested in I really meant I give it some thought. Some guys who know me will say, "Hey, you should check this out." So I do. I didn't mean that I make up this whole master-minded plan to get them to think I'm interested in stuff they like. It's more like being informed...allows me to be a well-rounded person.

    Quote Originally Posted by tENnisFJ View Post
    And have you ever been tempted to approach a crush because they never made the first move? Or have you done so before and under what circumstances (you knew he liked you but would never make the first move, you were just crazy about him and didn't want him to slip away, etc etc)?

    I'm thoroughly interested in the ISTJ mind set, it's pretty unique
    Gah, yes this is the story of my life right now. Ok, long story...I'll attempt to keep it short.

    I have an INTJ friend who I've known for about 6 years. He's a great guy, I respect him, and I have feelings for him. Over these past 6 years we have done many "date-like" things like having dinner, hanging out 1-on-1, going to the movies, hiking, good conversations, came to a wedding with me once etc. It's never gotten physical outside of hugging. We're both emotional retards and we're both pretty introverted, but yet we still manage to remain pretty close and very comfortable with each other. This past year we had been separated due to him finishing undergrad and me starting grad school at a different university. He's now graduated and we're living in the same city again. Since he's been back we've been hanging out again every week and staying involved in each others lives. I'm really happy about this, but I don't know the extent of his feelings for me.

    I know we're friends and that he likes me in that respect, but as far as romantic feelings go I don't have a clue. It's really frustrating. After so long of knowing him, at this point I'd just really like to know how he feels. He's been the only guy out of 3 others that has never made a move. I've been waiting and waiting, and it's gotten sooooooo close a couple of times, but it's never happened. It's odd, we can talk about anything EXCEPT feelings for each other. I think the tension has started to build again, so hopefully something will come of it soon. Honestly, I'm getting tired of waiting, so he might be the first to irritate me in to making a move. At this point in my life where I'm about to finish up grad school and start a career I'm tired of playing games. If he likes me, then good. If not, it'll hurt for a little while, but I'll get over it and I'll be able to move on (you know, us ISTJ's need that element of certainty and closure). I just don't want to jeopardize a great friendship. I'd hate to think that if things didn't work out we'll end up hating each other or not a part of each other's lives.

    Regadless, I've been waiting for about 6 years. I'm a very patient person, but at this point I'm ready for a make-it or break-it moment. I've been trying to figure out a way to get us to talk about feelings and stuff, but it never seems like the right time. I need inspiration or something -- a conversational launching pad if you will. I can't just go up to him one day and be like, "Hey, I've had a crush on you for a long time now....you've been dragging your heels and won't step up, so are you game or what!?" Beware when ISTJ's show their feelings. It's the bottled up effect...it either all stays in, or it all comes out in a violent explosion. I'm trying to figure out a way that is neither of those 2 options.

  8. #38

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    ISTJs rock even if they're an enigma wrapped in a riddle.

    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  9. #39
    Senior Member Misty_Mountain_Rose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    haha it's insane how many people are trying to figure out ISTJs.. myself included.
    What are you guys doing in society that is turning our worlds upside down?!
    I was so thinking this earlier. It seems like all of us are trying to figure out an ISTJ in our lives. Tis the season. Every thread at the top of the SJ Guardhouse is about ISTJ's lol. They are fascinating though, and I'm hoping some miracle will bring mine back around to me. Trying not to hold my breath though.

    These threads have actually helped a lot. I think I understand a bit more what happened, and while I can't really change it, it does help me to accept it a little better.

    You guys are a confusing lot, and apparently all the ISTJ's in the world have answered some secret 'lets mess with someone's head' call to arms :P
    Embrace the possibilities.

  10. #40
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Well, unless there's some secret ISTJ man cult where they plot and plan how to confound us I'd tend to think that what you see is what you get. And then perhaps more as you get to know each other better.

    I do know that what first attracted me to my husband, besides his appearance (and car!) was the sense of rock solid self. A steady human being.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

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