So I am an ENFP female, and I have this ISTJ friend that I feel strongly attracted to.
Iíve been friends with him for about 10 months now and I have learned so much about him in that time. First, he is so structured to the point of annoyance. He plans everything, including fun. For the most part I really admire this about him because as Iím more ďgo with the flowĒ and he must have a plan and I think that makes him focused. So, I admire that.
What I am attracted to most in him is that he is complete opposite of me yet we have similar interests and goals on nearly every level.
Anyway, almost right away, I was ready to date him and I approached him. He said ďnoĒ and nothing else. So, I backed off a little and just started talking to him a little every day and I learned that he isnít going to do ANYTHING that he doesnít think about and come to a conclusion about on his own, but when he does he shows up fully. He is a man of his word.
So I havenít brought up dating to him in nearly 5 or 6 months so 2 days ago, he brought it up. He explained to me that he works a lot (which he does, about 4 jobsÖcrazy) and he is about to buy a home. But that he wants to date me, and canít see where in the long run how I will tolerate for very long his crazy schedule. And based on his past relationships the women end up resenting him because of it.
Itís pretty rare that he shares any thoughts or feelings beyond surface emotion so I was caught off guard and didnít say much.
Today, I brought it up again, because not to kill a dead horse, but I felt as if we didnít really finish the conversationÖI asked him what he wanted, or what the ideal dating situation for him would beÖ and he said well Iíve dealt with this before and women all say the same thing but you all end up hating me because I donít have time. And basically I told him that I understand what heís telling me and I have been waiting for him for 10 months and I want to at least try it, or I can wait, or I can move on.
He said nothing expect, I have to go, but have a good night and Iíll talk to you later. And I was already pretty nervous having this convo with him, and when he said that I got flustered and said ok laterÖ
So now Iím confused. I think he wants to think about what I said and come to me on some later date with his answer, but I donít understandÖ was he nervous, or did I make him uncomfortable with my openness, or did he just not care?
Obviously as an ENFP, my thought process or the way I perceive him may be totally wrong. How can I better understand this ISTJ male?