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  1. #31
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    You mean by coincidence? Or you mean first considering all the personality types, which would I prefer/be attracted to, as a general rule?
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  2. #32
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    I am reminded of my ISTJ roommate and his decision-making, including those regarding romantic relationships.

    I often ask ISTJ-roommate (with great enthusiasm), "What are you waiting for?!!" And he says (in a dry matter-of-fact tone), "I don't know. It's pending." "Hmm... you have a lot of pending matters, it seems," I say.

    Truth is, I am not bothered by his deceleration unless I am directly affected by the awaited decision. In fact, our dialogue kind of entertains me.

    Sometimes I can convince ISTJ to take a deadline in less pressure-filled situations like switching the cable or continuing our Blockbuster subscription. Usually though, as others have pointed out, he stubbornly works on his own timetable. My theory is he primarily waits because he can only concentrate on one monumental task at a time (which a relationship certainly is).

    Anyway, he took months to tell this girl he wanted to date her. And, it's not like he didn't have the opportunity or that he was afraid to be vulnerable. He just waited. And waited. And waited. For what seemed to be eternal and for no apparent reason. He would come home and sheepishly admit, "Rach, you're going to be disappointed in me... I didn't tell her."

    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    I don't know what we're waiting on when this happens, but like I said, it's that commitment when we aren't set that makes us feel uneasy.
    The reason for waiting is mostly inexplicable, but it does seem to be a trend.

  3. #33
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beat View Post
    PinkIce, what was the reason given behind his initial "no" answer? Was it his busy schedule or was there even one stated?

    Does he give any signs ever that suggest he has more than friendly feelings toward you? Needless to say, I bet he feels fortunate to have you in his life. One of my best friends is a female ENFP. You guys rock and bring a good element in an ISTJ relationship. Kind of like sunshine .

    Commitment can be hard when it comes to romantic interest. I guess we want to make sure all our ducks are lined up and that things aren't going to go to shit. We're cautious and very analytical typically. As for his situation, I really don't know though. It could be anything...
    At first he didn't give any reason just no. The one day I was talking to him and I asked if he wanted to hang out with me and some of my friends but he knows them too so I thought maybe it would be so much pressure and he said i can't i have to work. THen he was like. Unless you like punishment, I don't think you want me because I'm always working.

    Yes he does show interest in me further than friendship. He told me that when he does decide to start dating again that he isn't dating casually, that it will be seriously and eventually a wife. I'm 25 and he's 29 so he asks me alot about what I want as far as relationships, he asks alot about marriage( as far as when ,what kind of house I want, etc), we talk about sex (haven't done it together).

    So, I don't think men would ask those type of questions if they weren't interested...

  4. #34
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I had this ISTJ guy interested in me recently.

    He was really good at talking on the phone.
    He was courteous and respectful and polite.
    He was thoughtful and intelligent and articulate.
    He didn't want to impose.
    And he was willing to talk just about any subject.

    I did notice on the phone that he would give me advice --
    Wow, that sounds like you actually know my friend...


    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    He consistently would refer to things I did as, "Wow, that just sounds like too much energy."

    He definitely had a set schedule. I asked him to meet me for coffee on a Monday evening, and despite being single and having nothing else to do, he just said he doesn't do things during the week, that's not his schedule, even if on the weekends he'll stay up until 3am commonly. There were other things too that were similar (i.e., he had no LOGICAL reason to not do them, they just did not conform to his chosen schedule).

    So that's what I noticed: He was a very sweet, very respectful, very considerate guy who also kept a fairly neat house and had things basically in their place... but he did not like to have things moved out of the place he had put them in. He had created his world and did not want it to be modified, although he wasn't rude about it.

    I bet he'd be utterly faithful, utterly responsible, utterly kind. But he didn't really like risk, he didn't really like expending energy, and he didn't really like change. And he wasn't really happy about the last gf, who had decided she wanted someone more active; he was disparaging of her choices, although when he told me, I was thinking, "hmm, I can understand why she did that."
    This is my first time dealing with an ISTJ period and I know that in the end people are people, but are these kind of characteristics universal, because that sound exactly like my friend. IT's a bit scary.

  5. #35
    meh Salomé's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rachelinpa View Post
    I am reminded of my ISTJ roommate and his decision-making, including those regarding romantic relationships.

    Anyway, he took months to tell this girl he wanted to date her. And, it's not like he didn't have the opportunity or that he was afraid to be vulnerable. He just waited. And waited. And waited. For what seemed to be eternal and for no apparent reason. He would come home and sheepishly admit, "Rach, you're going to be disappointed in me... I didn't tell her."

    The reason for waiting is mostly inexplicable, but it does seem to be a trend.
    Umhmm. I had one like this once. They can be v. perverse. We were living together in the same hotel whilst working in the States. We got on really well and 'cos we didn't really know other people locally spent a lot of time together, drinking and baring our souls. But if I initiated things - asking him to hang out, go out to dinner, whatever, the more important it was to me, the less he was prepared to do it. Plus, he would always blow me off for Seinfield or The Simpsons. When I was in two minds about coming back home, everyone else told me they wanted me to stay, except him. And his was the only opinion that really mattered. I figured he wasn't into me at all. Then I left to go back home and he was in pieces. He told me later he didn't think he was good enough for me. Silly boy.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  6. #36
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hermeticdancer View Post
    What is the point of trying to guess what he is saying? You should be able to ask him. Let him know what helps you, and what action he can take...coach him on how to give feedback you need. (good luck with that)
    He sounds highly introverted, and like a workaholic. If this kind of pattern continues (you wanting to emotional support, and openness, and him going into retreat and silence) it will become very frustrating for you. Two people should be able to understand each other and support each other in a relationship. You have to understand him, and he you, and except eachother for it to work. He is private, take time alone to think, and doesn't like to make decisions based on emotion. You want immediate dialogue, openness, emotional support and feedback. It will feel like he is putting you on the back burner unsure about the relationship, working all the time and his focus is on HIMSELF. He is confused how to communicate with you and what you want. As others have said, take him at his word.
    In some respects it takes a lot of emotional energy and reserve to talk to an ENFP, and his approach is to listen to what you have to say, and then try and fix it. If he starts wanting to fix all your 'problems' then you'll know he's really into you.
    I knew this was coming from an ENFP before I looked based on the first sentence alone. That is EXACTLY the way I feel. I want him to TALK and just TELL me is going on. BUt I know that isn't happening...but I take in everything that people have to say and it's interesting hearing what the ISTJs are saying.

    I only feel sometimes like I'm putting so much effort into understanding his feelings or thoughts or whatever and not getting the results as quickly as I want them.

  7. #37
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hmm View Post
    The OP never really said whether or not she would begin to resent him if they were together for having little time for her and such a busy work schedule and for planning things so much. I think that is what he wants to know.
    No actually I would not.

    And I've told him that, but I don't think words count as much as my actions do with him.

  8. #38
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hermeticdancer View Post
    Very true. That's why I gotta love INTJs. (their minds anyway!)
    I saw that and I agree too...sadly

  9. #39
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    You mean by coincidence? Or you mean first considering all the personality types, which would I prefer/be attracted to, as a general rule?
    Yes, considering all the personality types, which would you prefer/be attracted to, as a general rule?

    Do you prefer thinking types? Sensing types, do you like intuitives?

    For example:
    I've noticed as an ENFP/ENTP female that I enjoy thinking types that are introverted slightly. Someone who is too extroverted or too feeling doesnt appeal to me, in a relationship, maybe for a friend.

  10. #40
    Senior Member PinkIceTD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    It seems like he is stalling because all of his past experience with girls have gotten mad at all of this time being occupied....
    Sometimes ISTJs need to quit relying on the past and just TRY something new Not every situation is the same
    MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY.

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