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  1. #21
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Metamorphosis View Post
    I don't want to be a dick since I don't really know the whole situation, but this is what I see.

    He's attracted to you, but too insecure to really do anything.
    You're attracted to him because he's not doing anything (inadvertently teasing you)
    Very true. That's why I gotta love INTJs. (their minds anyway!)

  2. #22
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hermeticdancer View Post
    I have had a hard time with my ISTJ bf.
    He doesn't understand me, and has admitted it over and over. He claims that he is simple and that he doesn't need to be analyzed to understand, that he's very basic. Perhaps it's true, which is the scary part.
    That might be something. Maybe he actually is very straight-forward but N's complicate things unnecessarily.

    I just have trouble connecting to him emotionally, and I feel like I have to coach him, and that is emotionally exhausting. I feel like I don't get the feedback that I need, and that he is not interested in my feelings. Which is probably true. So this leaves me to think the worst.
    That sounds realistic too. It's not that he doesn't care, but you both do not speak the same language.

    So he doesn't give you the cues you need to know he cares. ANd he doesn't know he's not. Nor could he figure them out easily on his own.

    I just remembered that this guy also said a few times that he did not like girls who "created drama." I said I wasn't a drama creator, but I'm wondering how severe now his idea of "drama" is -- basically a woman asking him for cues that he doesn't understand? Is that drama to him? Hmm....

    The fights are the worst though, when he goes from being nice, to an outburst of anger and starts catastrophizing about everything, you would think it was armageddon. I actially dont find him to be calm and stable at all. Maybe half the time, but I see an angery insecure person, who wants secruity, and I am the one who is providing it.
    Possibly. Except he might see you as the one who destabilized it all to start with. Because you don't play by the rules he sees as rational.

    That Ne inferior is very wicked for untrained ISTJs and ISFJs. They can start projecting wildly and have lots of paranoid ideas about what might happen, rather than more plausible iNtuitions.

    Anyway, I'm sorry, I was still thinking in terms of me and not in terms of ENFP when I was responding, and so maybe I was not addressing ENFP-oriented issues.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #23
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    I think there is a lust thing going on between ISTJ's and ENFPs. There are a lot of pheromones flying around, and the sex is good. I think that's the attraction. ISTJ men are sexy, and usually handsome because they are clean and they usually take care of their appearance.
    I just don't know about long term compatibility when things get serious. (sorry to wander off message)
    Anybody want to talk me down?

  4. #24
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    It seems like he is stalling because all of his past experience with girls have gotten mad at all of this time being occupied....
    Sometimes ISTJs need to quit relying on the past and just TRY something new Not every situation is the same

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    It seems like he is stalling because all of his past experience with girls have gotten mad at all of this time being occupied....
    Sometimes ISTJs need to quit relying on the past and just TRY something new Not every situation is the same
    Says the ENFP! Clockwork.

  6. #26
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post

    That Ne inferior is very wicked for untrained ISTJs and ISFJs. They can start projecting wildly and have lots of paranoid ideas about what might happen, rather than more plausible iNtuitions.

    Anyway, I'm sorry, I was still thinking in terms of me and not in terms of ENFP when I was responding, and so maybe I was not addressing ENFP-oriented issues.
    No offense taken, actually, your feedback is helpful. I get what you are saying.

    Im just trying to develop the issues, and of course, inject my personal problems into the conversation.

  7. #27
    Senior Member 2XtremeENFP's Avatar
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    Says the ENFP! Clockwork.
    Haha I know it's typical for me to think this way.. haha, I really just cant understand ISTJs

  8. #28
    Senior Member INTJMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkIceTD View Post
    ...
    So I havent brought up dating to him in nearly 5 or 6 months so 2 days ago, he brought it up. He explained to me that he works a lot (which he does, about 4 jobscrazy) and he is about to buy a home. But that he wants to date me, and cant see where in the long run how I will tolerate for very long his crazy schedule. And based on his past relationships the women end up resenting him because of it.

    Its pretty rare that he shares any thoughts or feelings beyond surface emotion so I was caught off guard and didnt say much.

    Today, I brought it up again, because not to kill a dead horse, but I felt as if we didnt really finish the conversationI asked him what he wanted, or what the ideal dating situation for him would be and he said well Ive dealt with this before and women all say the same thing but you all end up hating me because I dont have time. And basically I told him that I understand what hes telling me and I have been waiting for him for 10 months and I want to at least try it, or I can wait, or I can move on.
    ...
    Quoting the right parts this time.
    This is what I see:
    He's saying his schedule is busy - and as Jennifer so eloquently described - I believe he's stuck in his way of doing things, and is saying he wouldn't change his schedule for anyone. He doesn't want to be asked or expected to change it.

    You have to decide if you are willing to be an appendage in his life.
    There's a saying - "Women marry a guy hoping he will change, men marry a gal hoping she won't change. Not that you're talking about marriage, but I'm just pointing out the "secretly hoping he changes" kind of thinking, just in case. It usually doesn't work.

    The other thing is what you said about being willing to move on.
    He doesn't sound like someone you can't live without. Perhaps you'd be a lot happier with someone who delights your heart so incredibly that you just couldn't imagine living without him.

    I certainly understand, though, why you would be attracted to him.
    I know of many happy INFP/ISTJ couples.

  9. #29
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2XtremeENFP View Post
    Sometimes ISTJs need to quit relying on the past and just TRY something new
    No U!

    The situation Hermit's describing sounds like an ISTJ with some problems he needs to sort through first. (And Jennifer: Aha, so that is how Ne works! I thought so, and this helps with the other threads I've been keeping an eye on...)

    I had an ENFP girlfriend one time, and she was a lot of fun to spend time with, but she could be very frustrating and exhausting. It didn't last long, in my case.
    Last edited by Cimarron; 10-09-2008 at 04:25 PM. Reason: story
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  10. #30
    Senior Member hermeticdancer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cimarron View Post
    No U!



    I had an ENFP girlfriend one time, and she was a lot of fun to spend time with, but she could be very frustrating and exhausting. It didn't last long, in my case.
    Cimarron,

    What types do you find attractive personally?

    Just curious, as Im studying psychology and Im interested in people's personality's, and relationships.

    Thanks

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