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  1. #11
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    I am not jealous of material things in regards to possessions or what others may have because I know if try hard enough that I am competent enough to get it on my own. I would just become competetive and set a goal to gain whatever it is. To me it doesn't seem logical and is a waste of energy to become jealous in those situations. In a romantic relationship if I do not fully trust the other person, then I can become really jealous and insecure. If there is full trust then no because I will "trust" them to do the right thing and then the other person is no longer a threat. But, then I guess the irony is well how often are ISTJ's actually fully trusting..lol.

  2. #12
    Supreme Allied Commander Take Five's Avatar
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    If somebody has something that I want, I almost always think that I am responsible for not having it, or that it won't be important in the long run.
    Johari Nohari

    "If an injury has to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared. "--Niccolo Machiavelli

  3. #13
    No me digas, che! Recoleta's Avatar
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    I don't get jealous of people's possessions or stuff like that.

    I was talking to d@v3 and Cimarron about this last night on vent. I decided that I can feel jealousy if I feel like I am "being replaced" by another person...this is especially true for my loved ones. I think because I form such strong bonds to my close friends/SO/family, I feel protective and almost suspicious if new people/friends start popping up in their lives and start integrating too quickly. However, I have to remember that most people form bonds faster with other people than I do.

    For me, personally, it was weird when all my friends started getting married. It was like, this guy would show up out of nowhere, and all of a sudden, my friends' lives would completely revolve around their SO. I went from being a huge part of their life, to being somewhat of an afterthought because the other person consumed so much of their time. Anyway, over the past couple of years it has gotten better and things have balanced out. I have learned that if I love someone, I have to let them go and make their own decisions and I just provide support and acceptance along the way. Once I learned that, I was able to be secure enough in my friendships to know that I wasn't losing my friends, but that our relationships were just evolving due to change.

    I think jealousy also somewhat stems from the amount of trust you have in the other person. I have a few people I would completely trust with my life, and I know that I can trust them. Jealousy is not worth it for those people, because I know they won't betray me. For those who I have a strong natural chemistry with, but have not had time to really take time to trust, I would probably be more jealous with simply because I can not be guaranteed of their loyalty.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Take Five View Post
    If somebody has something that I want, I almost always think that I am responsible for not having it, or that it won't be important in the long run.
    I couldn't put this a better way myself. Jealousy and regret often goes together.

  5. #15
    Senior Member defragmybrain's Avatar
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    Haha, so true of my ISTJ boyfriend. Since i'm his attention loving eSFP girlfriend, I think that his jealousy and posessiveness is VERY attractive and even endearing.
    But the morals & sense of what is right and wrong... it confuses me. I often don't know how to approach him with my ideas or values because they are immediately rejected...
    - From your fun-loving ESFP.
    Se/Fi/Te/Ni, 44% E / 88% S / 62% F / 67% P

    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/18/182571.png

  6. #16
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    My first boyfriend was ISTJ. He was the most possessive, jealous guy I've ever been involved with. It got downright controlling at times. At first it was sort of endearing. Naturally that wore thin after awhile.

    & Defrag, I had similar issues when it came to bringing up morals/values/etc of my own. Just concepts I'd try to present him with would be immediately rejected, end-of-discussion sort of deal.

    Hmph.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  7. #17
    Senior Member defragmybrain's Avatar
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    Yup,
    "my way or the highway" and "i like what i like and there's no arguing that" seem to be the dominant preferences.
    if anyone has advice on how to try and break through that ordeal, let me know.
    i'm not exactly one to be compliant or mousy - i have my own values/ideals. It seems his goal is to try to change or shape mine since i'm a very accepting and malleable person.
    - From your fun-loving ESFP.
    Se/Fi/Te/Ni, 44% E / 88% S / 62% F / 67% P

    http://badges.mypersonality.info/badge/0/18/182571.png

  8. #18
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by defragmybrain View Post
    Yup,
    "my way or the highway" and "i like what i like and there's no arguing that" seem to be the dominant preferences.
    if anyone has advice on how to try and break through that ordeal, let me know.
    i'm not exactly one to be compliant or mousy - i have my own values/ideals. It seems his goal is to try to change or shape mine since i'm a very accepting and malleable person.

    My ex and I ultimately didn't work out from a combination of his jealousy/controlling issues and the fact that our differences constantly disappointed him. That I wouldn't adopt his viewpoints, and that I questioned his way of thinking whatsoever.

    He ended up marrying a super-domestic, cliche 50s housewife sorta gal. ESFJ I believe. And, I mean, they're happy. And good. I couldn't fulfill those needs, y'know. I wasn't about to become any sort of Mrs. Cleaver.
    Anyway, we became friends a few yrs down the road. All for the best; I wish him well. He wasn't damaging, per se.. some people just don't fit.
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

  9. #19
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    My first boyfriend was ISTJ. He was the most possessive, jealous guy I've ever been involved with. It got downright controlling at times. At first it was sort of endearing. Naturally that wore thin after awhile.

    & Defrag, I had similar issues when it came to bringing up morals/values/etc of my own. Just concepts I'd try to present him with would be immediately rejected, end-of-discussion sort of deal.

    Hmph.
    Quote Originally Posted by defragmybrain View Post
    Yup,
    "my way or the highway" and "i like what i like and there's no arguing that" seem to be the dominant preferences.
    if anyone has advice on how to try and break through that ordeal, let me know.
    i'm not exactly one to be compliant or mousy - i have my own values/ideals. It seems his goal is to try to change or shape mine since i'm a very accepting and malleable person.
    yes. i would caution you, defrag, to test the waters soundly in the jealousy realm before getting very serious. my hubby is ixtj (thought intj at first, but now i'm leaning more istj) but the number one thing i knew was a problem was his jealousy issues. he had them way back in high school to his first real gf. since i met him young (first year in college) i didn't realize just how toxic it could become over time. as infj, i was always very touchy-feely and warm to people, but he quickly let me know i had to draw the line with guys there. that was okay by me then because i had mostly gfs and was looking forward to a career in midwifery, which puts me predominantly around women. so it was never much of a challenge for him or us.

    however, as this 21 year relationship rolls along, and i become more self-actualized (if you will), i sincerely feel that guy energy is missing from my life. guy friends, going out and having the occasional flirting with guys as women are wont to do, etc. but he is having a very hard time with it. it isn't logical at all for him to be so jealous, and i've talked and talked with him about it til we're sick and tired of the subject. he admits he's jealous, but also believes he has a right to be....that i'm his woman and he doesn't want 'his woman' to do x, y, or z. almost like i'm his possession. this is the single most difficult thing in my marriage i have had to deal with, and even though it can seem little at first, it becomes big over time to feel controlled.

    what would i have done differently? asserted those needs more, or those potential needs. it wasn't really a need at the time to be friendly with men, so i let it go. gave in. i think nfs can do this for the sake of getting along and making their mate feel good or better.......but sometimes i think that way of being just pushes problems off to the side. but i would NOW absolutely have made it clear i would have whatever guy friends i wanted. that i would go out with my friends and do what girls do, within reason, and that i wasn't going to be subversively forced to give in to his jealousy or control. i would have instituted therapy even, knowing what i know now.

    but i'm super happy with my istj otherwise....he's amazing and super loyal and loves me deeply after all these years. thinks i'm his goddess! there is really nothing he won't do for me.
    Ni/Ti/Fe/Si
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  10. #20
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Just for the record, (because I can't edit earlier posts), I don't know what I was getting at in my post on the previous page... I think Uberfuhrer was dead on in the first post.

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