She's tends, rather than checking if its okay for her to go places with my parents etc (Which I feel she should do given she expects to both be brought there and given money for whatever she's doing) to come in and announce she's going there and that she wants to leave in ten minutes. If requested to wash up after dinner she flatly refuses and stalks off. Generally her aggro is not with me, but the atmosphere afterwards is not pleasant and its a kind of tension that I can't stand. I suspect it's a question of maturity but as I didn't display my immaturity in that way, I don't really understand it. For me she could make her life so much easier by a few steps but she doesn't see it.
sorry to say this, but you can't fix it. this is something your parents have to take care of, and it sounds like they aren't, so anything you do will fail.
An 18-year-old has to be "requested to wash up after dinner"?
If she really is SJ, perhaps you should tell her that she is not being very honorable with her parents. And that she should take opportunities to be more responsible for herself rather than depending on her parents.
Probably you're right. Which is depressing in itself. Oh well. Life goes on.
if it's any consolation, your parents will draw the line when/if they finally see it. while you're feeling their pain and understandably want to take it away, they simply haven't yet reached their personal points of being angry (when the pain outweighs patience).
i'm sure it's hard to watch, but remember, they're a better judge of what they can handle emotionally, and therefore will know better than anyone when they've had enough.
This could very much be SJ behavior.
The thing about the Guardian is that he or she doesn't necessarily have to be respectful to his or her parents.
In fact many teenage Guardians prefer to be respectful and obedient to the group of friends that they make in high school.
My advice would be to let her deal with her problems on her own.
She will learn her mistakes eventually.
Even ESFJ's are capable of learning such things, ..