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  1. #101
    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bella View Post
    When I'm in a caffeteria I will deliberately choose a table where nobody is sitting so that I can eat quietly and happily. Myself, my food and my thoughts....
    Then somebody joins me, and another, and another and with each addition I become more uncomfortable and anxious! The worst is when someone plonks themself down right across from you so that it is impossible to look up without looking into their face, OH, THE TORTURE OF IT ALL! I want to take my plate and run for the hills, but I don't. Instead I keep my head down and chew for dear life. By now I'm so nervous and aware of everyone at the table that I don't even taste the food and am entertaining the most hostile thoughts towards the poor human beings who are innocently eating their food.
    I seem calm but it looks very much like this inside::steam:
    Oh I know that feeling all to well. If I go out to eat, I usually will take one of my kids with me.

    Once at a teaching seminar it was a nightmare. The lady next to me was rude, loud, rude, and obnoxious, rude too. lol

    Then to make matters worse. They like to segregate men and women. My husband's daughter from her first marriage had her wedding in a Masjid and they separated us. I was in a room full of women wearing black abayas (fully covered Saudi type of cloak) and I didn't want to nor was I going to be forced to talk to some weird stranger. I absolutely hated it.

    Sometimes funerals are the same way.

    I like having my husband by my side so I can urge him to leave quickly. It is not even comfortable with my kids, because I would have to talk to them in front of others and they might say things without even thinking. Although that hasn't happened. Thankfully! I guess I don't see them as much of a social deterrent or distraction for me to feel comfortable with them in an odd social setting.

    Work I great, I can be busy. Home, not to bad if there is only one guest, give me more than that and I wish if I could just disappear. Twiddling thumbs while people talk about things that I have absolutely no interest in well I just can't participate. I can be polite, but a bit stand-offish too. Grr for whoever made up social structures.. The darn agricultural revolution, would I really need to go back 10,000 years..

    LOL
    Johari / Nohari

    Enneagram 1w2/Lifepath 1/first zodiac sign Aries/first Chinese zodiac sign RAT/first born in my siblings of 3. Did I forget to mention first?

    Independent Director

  2. #102
    Senior Member rainoneventide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peguy View Post
    I actually hate unexpectedly bumping into people I know whenever I'm out. I just have the sense of wanting to be left alone at such times.
    Quote Originally Posted by raz View Post
    Being among a group of people that are actively talking and I'm finding myself incapable of adding to the conversation. I feel stupid and useless.
    ^ I definitely relate.

    Here's an example that nicely encompasses all my social nightmares:

    Me and my friend were planning to go to the movies, and then she tells me that a guy friend from her college is in town and he'll be coming with us for dinner and a movie. I say sure, but inside I'm all freaked out because opening up to people, especially in settings where you're "supposed" to small talk and there's more focus on yourself, is just... horrible for me. So we get to the movies and he introduces himself, and we talk a bit but of course I'm really withdrawn. They talked about their university (I go to a different one) the whole entire time, which didn't really help. Moreover, I felt like a third wheel because she had told me they spontaneously made out in his dorm a few weeks ago.

    But the worst part was when my friend kept telling me, "Stephanie, you're so quiet." And then they started talking about their cats or something, so I described mine in a really minimal way, and she added the details, and then she said, "I can't believe I'm even describing your own cat for you."

    When they were silent, I knew that I should say something to fill it because I barely said 10 words the whole night, but I didn't, and jesus it was awkward awkward awkward.

    "So I say, live and let live. Thatís my motto. Live and let live.
    Anyone who canít go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker."
    - George Carlin

  3. #103
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Being an extrovert i can agree with what has been said here.

    Recently i went to someones house and there was a group of girls, you could tell easily we were all extroverts but they were so much louder than me that i felt uncomfortable. I did join in the conversation even though i didn't know most of them, but still .

    I think E's can sometimes be out of their depth as well.

  4. #104

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    Even though I'm an extrovert I feel the exact same way. Yes I like to be with people, but not all the time there are times when I just want to be alone to gather my own thoughts but people won't stop disturbing my silence. Parties where I don't know many people are terrible, I just sit and look around enviously at everyone having fun I can be way too shy for my own good.

    You know what else I find a bit annoying, your on MSN or AIM or whatever the hell you use and there's always that one person who won't stop talking to you even though its pretty clear by your answers that you are not in the mood to talk, this is why people

    Then to make matters worse. They like to segregate men and women. My husband's daughter from her first marriage had her wedding in a Masjid and they separated us. I was in a room full of women wearing black abayas (fully covered Saudi type of cloak) and I didn't want to nor was I going to be forced to talk to some weird stranger. I absolutely hated it.
    Wow I've been to Muslim weddings loads of times and none of them are that extreme, I've been to segregated ones too but everyone is always so chatty and boisterous that you don't even miss the males...none of them wear hijabs during the wedding either...let alone a full niqaab (the whole cloak thing) I would feel uncomfortable too...and I'm muslim. The whole idea of a segregated wedding is so the women can wear and act however they want no need to act all modest and chaste.
    Men are like parking spaces/the good ones are always taken and the ones left are handicapped or to small.

  5. #105
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
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    Sometimes I find it easy to talk to strangers at parties or in group conversations, others it's kind of difficult, it's often a group of people that are accustomed to one another that I have trouble with, It's almost like it's them versus you, they all share particular traits and have a group sense of humor, and all of them have seen the same shows, and are going to the same parties and everything. It also seems as if they might have already built up a sort of rapport or something and left you behind, it's kind of hard to get your foot in the door. When you know heaps of people from the group, and you don't know one of them, it's quite easy to approach one or two people. I think I find myself almost scared of the mob at some points... it's probably because of a fear of being singled out and judged, like a snake backed into a corner, but without fangs, it's kind of risky.
    5 3 9

  6. #106
    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by King-Of-Despair View Post
    Sometimes I find it easy to talk to strangers at parties or in group conversations, others it's kind of difficult, it's often a group of people that are accustomed to one another that I have trouble with, It's almost like it's them versus you, they all share particular traits and have a group sense of humor, and all of them have seen the same shows, and are going to the same parties and everything. It also seems as if they might have already built up a sort of rapport or something and left you behind, it's kind of hard to get your foot in the door. When you know heaps of people from the group, and you don't know one of them, it's quite easy to approach one or two people. I think I find myself almost scared of the mob at some points... it's probably because of a fear of being singled out and judged, like a snake backed into a corner, but without fangs, it's kind of risky.
    That's exactly the way I feel living abroad, being around in-laws, and starting new jobs where there is a formed group or us and them mentality.

    Rereading that it describes my social life, private life and working life.. No wonder I feel like a nut case.
    Johari / Nohari

    Enneagram 1w2/Lifepath 1/first zodiac sign Aries/first Chinese zodiac sign RAT/first born in my siblings of 3. Did I forget to mention first?

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  7. #107
    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synthetic Darkness View Post
    Wow I've been to Muslim weddings loads of times and none of them are that extreme, I've been to segregated ones too but everyone is always so chatty and boisterous that you don't even miss the males...none of them wear hijabs during the wedding either...let alone a full niqaab (the whole cloak thing) I would feel uncomfortable too...and I'm muslim. The whole idea of a segregated wedding is so the women can wear and act however they want no need to act all modest and chaste.
    Few stay like that, but when they take them off some of them are like Fifi Abdul all the way.. I look at them and feel shy due to their lack of modesty.. I am like, well I am a woman but, for all they know I could be lesbian. Even though I am not even mildly attracted to that type of boisterousness.

    They are all on the in and in with each other, since they all seem to know each other and I am just like the outcast. I think almost all of them go to Haliqas together so I don't even have a chance on that scene. Not that I would really want to. Of course it would be nice to have a friend, but it's like your either in with them or your not. (There is a deep sense of group mentality.) I guess I could have joined in and forgot others, but that just seems really odd.

    Imagine a room full of persons, someone no one knows shows up, and starts dancing, laughing and talking. Everyone looks at each other, "who's she?". "Don't know." Oh that must be the step mother. :rolli:

    This of course can be played out to being a foreigner in another culture also, even if I were in Latvia, China, India, Eritrea, or a hundred other countries. I know it isn't limited to being a foreigner, this (as stated before) can be related to any new experience.
    Johari / Nohari

    Enneagram 1w2/Lifepath 1/first zodiac sign Aries/first Chinese zodiac sign RAT/first born in my siblings of 3. Did I forget to mention first?

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  8. #108
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Man, do I miss Bella. She was so awesome. BELLA COME BACK!

    *cues rep from ajblaise*

  9. #109

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eiddy View Post
    Few stay like that, but when they take them off some of them are like Fifi Abdul all the way.. I look at them and feel shy due to their lack of modesty.. I am like, well I am a woman but, for all they know I could be lesbian. Even though I am not even mildly attracted to that type of boisterousness.

    They are all on the in and in with each other, since they all seem to know each other and I am just like the outcast. I think almost all of them go to Haliqas together so I don't even have a chance on that scene. Not that I would really want to. Of course it would be nice to have a friend, but it's like your either in with them or your not. (There is a deep sense of group mentality.) I guess I could have joined in and forgot others, but that just seems really odd.

    Imagine a room full of persons, someone no one knows shows up, and starts dancing, laughing and talking. Everyone looks at each other, "who's she?". "Don't know." Oh that must be the step mother. :rolli:

    This of course can be played out to being a foreigner in another culture also, even if I were in Latvia, China, India, Eritrea, or a hundred other countries. I know it isn't limited to being a foreigner, this (as stated before) can be related to any new experience.
    Yeah my family is a little like that, my mom isn't big on the whole socializing thing so she keeps to herself which equals to the rest of my family members being sort of segregated from all the parties, we'd get invited but if we show up it's rather awkward. These people are really tight-knit, but sometimes you should be happy your not in their little "circle" because they gossip like crazy and the only way to keep your private shit private, is to stay away.
    Men are like parking spaces/the good ones are always taken and the ones left are handicapped or to small.

  10. #110
    Pronounced eye-ee-dee Eiddy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synthetic Darkness View Post
    Yeah my family is a little like that, my mom isn't big on the whole socializing thing so she keeps to herself which equals to the rest of my family members being sort of segregated from all the parties, we'd get invited but if we show up it's rather awkward. These people are really tight-knit, but sometimes you should be happy your not in their little "circle" because they gossip like crazy and the only way to keep your private shit private, is to stay away.

    Interesting you should say about your mom being like that. My mom was the same, could this socializing be a learned trait?

    Some people have the ability to turn a weakness into a strength, on my end I couldn't care less to socialize in real life. So whatever I grew up with that I am comfortable with, why bother to change?
    Johari / Nohari

    Enneagram 1w2/Lifepath 1/first zodiac sign Aries/first Chinese zodiac sign RAT/first born in my siblings of 3. Did I forget to mention first?

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