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[ESFJ] Ask an ESFJ

Smilephantomhive

Active member
Joined
Aug 11, 2015
Messages
3,352
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
What is your favorite and least favorite part about being an ESFJ?
 

fetus

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2015
Messages
2,575
Enneagram
6w7
What is your favorite and least favorite part about being an ESFJ?

My favorite...I really love having a compassionate heart and an intense desire to help and interact with others. I like how easy it is for me to build rapport with others, and how emotionally honest I am. Fe is such a blessing, and it's great when I pair it with Ne. I love my type and I wouldn't want to be anything else.
:)

My least favorite would have to be being so sensitive. I often spend so much time focusing on my relationships with others that I kind of forget that I need to have a strong relationship with myself. And of course, I wish I didn't depend on others for my energy. When nobody is around, I'm forced to try to energize myself, which can be a challenge.
 

magpie

Permabanned
Joined
Jan 21, 2010
Messages
3,428
Enneagram
614
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
How could a different type go about being a friend to an ESFJ?
 

Lord Lavender

Bluered Trickster
Joined
Oct 21, 2016
Messages
5,851
MBTI Type
EVLF
Enneagram
739
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
I was wondering as ENTPs and ESFJs share the same functions how do you relate to ENTPs?.
 

Dreamer

Potential is My Addiction
Joined
Jul 26, 2015
Messages
4,539
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
794
What does having Si in the dom or aux position mean to you and how does that show up in your day to day? I feel mine pokes its head briefly here and there but I still have trouble locating it on the daily.
 

fetus

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2015
Messages
2,575
Enneagram
6w7
How could a different type go about being a friend to an ESFJ?

Honestly just be aware that we can be really mushy and affectionate friends. Tell me if I'm going overboard or if it's making you uncomfortable. I'm just trying to show you I care (because I care a lot). I'd need a friend who can return affection (not necessarily physical, like hugs). Like, tell me you value my friendship. Ask me how I'm doing unprompted. That kind of thing is crucial. Doesn't have to be constant--I'm not extremely demanding--but you know, on a regular basis I guess.

That's the best way I can answer the question. :shrug:

I was wondering as ENTPs and ESFJs share the same functions how do you relate to ENTPs?.

Huh. I haven't really investigated ENTPs too much, so I only really know stuff from descriptions. I have a wonderful imagination. I can think of random metaphors and connections on the spot, and I can be pretty abstract. I've got ideas in the back of my mind. I'm a good improviser; my mind works quickly, so I'm good at public speaking and improv drama.

Come to think of it, I often appear like a stereotypical ENTP and ESFJ hybrid. Like, I'm candid, honest, and tangential, but also really sweet. It's like there are two sides to me. Honestly, I need to introspect a little more on this.

Sorry I really don't have great understanding of ENTPs. I've focused more on familiarizing myself with my own types that I haven't branched out yet.


What's it like having Fe dom and how does it interact with Si?

Whoa, this question is pretty broad. It would take an essay to really explain this in good detail. Having Fe as a dominant function has me really focused on others, in basically any way you can think of. (Enneagram also comes into play here.) Interacting with others is what brings me to life, and it's most natural for me. That's why it's dominant, I guess. A lot of people miss the other aspect of Fe, though, which is emotions. I'm very focused on others, but I'm actually fairly self-aware. Fe needs to express itself, so I'm very interested in music, art, etc. I'm emotionally open and candid. I don't mind being vulnerable with the world; in fact, it's my preferred way of living.

In terms of interacting with Si...I actually think my Fe interacts with my Ne more than with Si. Ne is my relief function, and I wield it as a tool to kick back and have fun, or to ingratiate others. Si is kind of more to itself. It's my "me" function, I guess. To be honest I've been in a Fe-Ne loop recently and have lost touch with Si a bit.


What does having Si in the dom or aux position mean to you and how does that show up in your day to day? I feel mine pokes its head briefly here and there but I still have trouble locating it on the daily.

It's internal. The world sees Fe-Ne, which is a spontaneous, zany, caring person...but Si is inside screaming you need structure, you need to plan all this shit, please figure out what the plan is or I will explode. Si organizes my inner world. My brain, though capable of generating any random junk imaginable, is very categorical. I've got my memory bank, my creativity bank, etc. It's hard to describe. Si is the person I am that's not readily visible, or that contradicts who I am to the world even. I'm outwardly really laid-back and adaptable, but Si is inside freaking out and wanting everything to just stay the same. People have said, "Man, you're really a go-with-the-flow girl" which I sort of am, but honestly I'm pretty scared of change.

Si also brings intense sentimentality. I often look around and automatically relate it to some memory or time period in my life (which Ti has helped me categorize). If I'm not careful, I can get stuck in a replay state and keep thinking about stuff that's already happened...good memories that hurt, bad memories that delight...I start listening to all the old music and reliving my past. (Not too much, though, because if I listen to an old song it starts having new connotations, which would ruin a past artifact.) Again, it's hard to explain.
 

Dreamer

Potential is My Addiction
Joined
Jul 26, 2015
Messages
4,539
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
794
Honestly just be aware that we can be really mushy and affectionate friends. Tell me if I'm going overboard or if it's making you uncomfortable. I'm just trying to show you I care (because I care a lot). I'd need a friend who can return affection (not necessarily physical, like hugs). Like, tell me you value my friendship. Ask me how I'm doing unprompted. That kind of thing is crucial. Doesn't have to be constant--I'm not extremely demanding--but you know, on a regular basis I guess.

That's the best way I can answer the question. :shrug:



Huh. I haven't really investigated ENTPs too much, so I only really know stuff from descriptions. I have a wonderful imagination. I can think of random metaphors and connections on the spot, and I can be pretty abstract. I've got ideas in the back of my mind. I'm a good improviser; my mind works quickly, so I'm good at public speaking and improv drama.

Come to think of it, I often appear like a stereotypical ENTP and ESFJ hybrid. Like, I'm candid, honest, and tangential, but also really sweet. It's like there are two sides to me. Honestly, I need to introspect a little more on this.

Sorry I really don't have great understanding of ENTPs. I've focused more on familiarizing myself with my own types that I haven't branched out yet.




Whoa, this question is pretty broad. It would take an essay to really explain this in good detail. Having Fe as a dominant function has me really focused on others, in basically any way you can think of. (Enneagram also comes into play here.) Interacting with others is what brings me to life, and it's most natural for me. That's why it's dominant, I guess. A lot of people miss the other aspect of Fe, though, which is emotions. I'm very focused on others, but I'm actually fairly self-aware. Fe needs to express itself, so I'm very interested in music, art, etc. I'm emotionally open and candid. I don't mind being vulnerable with the world; in fact, it's my preferred way of living.

In terms of interacting with Si...I actually think my Fe interacts with my Ne more than with Si. Ne is my relief function, and I wield it as a tool to kick back and have fun, or to ingratiate others. Si is kind of more to itself. It's my "me" function, I guess. To be honest I've been in a Fe-Ne loop recently and have lost touch with Si a bit.




It's internal. The world sees Fe-Ne, which is a spontaneous, zany, caring person...but Si is inside screaming you need structure, you need to plan all this shit, please figure out what the plan is or I will explode. Si organizes my inner world. My brain, though capable of generating any random junk imaginable, is very categorical. I've got my memory bank, my creativity bank, etc. It's hard to describe. Si is the person I am that's not readily visible, or that contradicts who I am to the world even. I'm outwardly really laid-back and adaptable, but Si is inside freaking out and wanting everything to just stay the same. People have said, "Man, you're really a go-with-the-flow girl" which I sort of am, but honestly I'm pretty scared of change.

Si also brings intense sentimentality. I often look around and automatically relate it to some memory or time period in my life (which Ti has helped me categorize). If I'm not careful, I can get stuck in a replay state and keep thinking about stuff that's already happened...good memories that hurt, bad memories that delight...I start listening to all the old music and reliving my past. (Not too much, though, because if I listen to an old song it starts having new connotations, which would ruin a past artifact.) Again, it's hard to explain.

Awesome! Thanks for sharing. Makes sense :)
 

Galena

Silver and Lead
Joined
Mar 12, 2013
Messages
3,786
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
- What does extraversion mean to you?

- I have a lot of love for Fe doms, but am honestly kind of afraid to approach them because I've also had multiple experiences, mainly in childhood, where they got a poor impression of me. What are some good ways to build mutual trust with someone like yourself?
 

fetus

New member
Joined
Mar 22, 2015
Messages
2,575
Enneagram
6w7
- What does extraversion mean to you?

Firstly, it's where I get my energy. If I'm feeling tired, a probable cause might be a lack of interaction. The basics. It's also about where I direct my mental focus. Sometimes when I'm thinking, even to myself, it's like I'm talking to an audience. Sometimes I have a specific person or audience in mind, and I "think" to them. It sounds weird, I know--and it can actually be hard to just think to myself, no audience or person in mind. It also has to deal with processing. In order to process things, even little things, I need to talk to someone about them. A sounding board. I talk as I go, and it's like brain dumping. Lastly, the stereotypical extroverted traits. I'm outgoing, expressive, open, love performing, etc.

It's the full package deal, haha.

I have a lot of love for Fe doms, but am honestly kind of afraid to approach them because I've also had multiple experiences, mainly in childhood, where they got a poor impression of me. What are some good ways to build mutual trust with someone like yourself?

Smile. Honestly that's important. I'm often put off or intimidated by people who just stare or look hostile, even if they're really the best people in the world. Generally I am a very trusting person, and it doesn't take much for me to have a favorable view of someone (in the same way, you've really got to do something egregious for me to fully dislike you). I will also approach most anyone. But really, smiling is the first step. I don't mind constantly smiling--that's actually creepy--but when eye contact is made. It sounds silly, but it gives the impression that you are open to me. So I will be open to you. From there I usually can start forming a connection.

I don't know about every ESFJ, but I know smiling upon eye contact is a big thing for most of us I've talked to.

... :)
 
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