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Thread: ESFJ Manipulation

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    good, hot, fresh, fly ~ Array laterlazer's Avatar
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    Question ESFJ Manipulation

    So I've recently read stuff on some ESFJs being possibly manipulative at times, I was wondering if anyone has had experience with this and also if manipulation by an ESFJ would be easy to catch on to or be really subtle that you wouldn't pick up on it. Plus what would it look like if an ESFJ was trying to manipulate a person?

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    Senior Member Array robowolf's Avatar
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    Of course it's subtle, otherwise it wouldn't be very successful. I've never dealt with an ESFJ manipulator but I think this is how it would work:

    - being in touch with the emotions of those around them, they know what weaknesses to exploit.

    - some Fe users like to please people. Pleasing people often involves faking feelings, and being able to do so is a minimum requirement to be a good manipulator.

    - some people (don't know if it's type related) feel like everyone should do what they want them to do. FJs are ethical types and I've noticed some of them have this ability of turning *everything* into a moral matter. An unhealthy ESFJ might use it to get people to do what they want.

    I guess it would look like "normal" emotional blackmail, and the manipulator may not even be aware that he is one.
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    climb on Array Showbread's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by laterlazer View Post
    So I've recently read stuff on some ESFJs being possibly manipulative at times, I was wondering if anyone has had experience with this and also if manipulation by an ESFJ would be easy to catch on to or be really subtle that you wouldn't pick up on it. Plus what would it look like if an ESFJ was trying to manipulate a person?
    Cue all the IxxP forum members telling stories about their mothers.... Ready, set, GO!
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    Boaty McBoatface Array SD45T-2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Showbread View Post
    Cue all the IxxP forum members telling stories about their mothers.... Ready, set, GO!
    I've got stories too!
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

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    good, hot, fresh, fly ~ Array laterlazer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Showbread View Post
    Cue all the IxxP forum members telling stories about their mothers.... Ready, set, GO!
    Damn, this seems to be common as heck then. My questions are definitely regarding my mum :p

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    Away with the fairies Array Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Personally, I've never found ESFJs that manipulative. I've not really had a problem with them.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

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    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

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    ¿trap queen? Array chickpea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Showbread View Post
    Cue all the IxxP forum members telling stories about their mothers.... Ready, set, GO!
    my mom is a manipulative ENFP thank you very much!
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    Oh no, I most definitely have experienced this as well.

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    penis Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    yes and the problem is i'm like oh whatever it's no big deal but then later after it's built i call the person out on it and turn it around so it's my fault, and I'm like no and i'll state in what way it's my fault but say but you did x i did not make you do x and she gets angry i get angry. The thing is it's fine most of the time because it's like whatever i don't care but dealing with it for a week, it wears on you. so i've decided its unlikely i'm gonna spend longer than 3 days at a time with her. I don't mind doing stuff, i'm actually pretty laid back most of the time. I'm very whatever you want to do is fine. but i do have my limits. it's like she can't see that maybe part of the issue is her, i know i have fault in such situations but i'm not 100% responsible nor is she. I don't want her to say oh it's all my fault i want her to accept that part of it is.

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    My ESFJ coworker is incredibly manipulative and dishonest and brags about it. Emotionally blackmailing hundreds of dollars from her ex but she thinks it's ok because it's for her son's 2nd birthday. Lies to coworker but thinks it's ok because he would have forgotten anyway.

    On the flip side, I have another ESFJ coworker who isn't manipulative at all and is pretty much a big teddy bear.

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