Dear ISTJs or whoever feels inclined to read/give advice!
I'm in a somewhat tumultuous relationship with an ISTJ and could use some advice. I feel like we don't understand each other at all.
I'll give you a few details then if you get chance and could give some wisdom on how, if indeed it is possible, I can understand her better, and how we can move forwards, I would massively appreciate it.
I'm a 31 year old ISTP and she is a 32 year old ISTJ. We have been together 18 months and we live together. She was previously in a relationship for 10 years with what I think was an INTJ and was very set in her ways and very set on how things should be and how she wanted her life to be. I am clearly very much the opposite, I tend to just let life happen and do whatever I feel like at any given time. I'm not big on making plans and this is a real issue for us. She has all these expectations for what she wants in a partner and I consistently fail to live up to them.
She has a very stressful important job and I think that affects how she is with me .
For some reason, I am totally in love with her. She intrigues me, I find her fascinating and clever. And the sex is awesome. But we argue all the time about shit ! She gets angry about me not having done the washing up or something equally as banal and sees it as signifying a lack of my commitment to the relationship. When really it's just because I'm lazy. She gets pissy about me going to play rugby because it signifies me preferring rugby over her when In reality I just like playing rugby. I find that I'm repeatedly in trouble for one thing or another like a naughty child and then she goes all cold and won't talk to me and I take it very personally . I don't even recognise myself any more I get upset when she gets all cold and distant and that's not like me.
Anyway it's basically sometimes all loving and perfect (usually revolving around sex) and sometimes a fucking nightmare where I I drive her fucking crazy. And then she drives me fucking crazy with her icy response.
Any advice much appreciated. Sometimes I think the best way is out but then I feel too emotionally invested to just leave. However I'm sure eventually I would reach that point. There seems like so much that is actually good that if only we could understand each other better then there would be no problem.
Sorry for rambling on, if you have the time and inclination to respond I'd very much appreciate it.