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  1. #51
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SearchingforPeace View Post
    Because you are human. If you don't feel, it is highly likely it is just in your subconscious.

    People used to ask me why I was unfazed by certain things. I realize now I felt the emotions, just didn't acknowledge them consciously.
    Since I acknowledge other emotions, it wouldn't make sense for me to ignore some at random. These aren't big life changing events either, they're just things. A 92 year old that passes away in their sleep isn't a tragedy to me, for example. I think celebrating their long life would be a great idea. That's not the way others saw it. This could possibly be a religious vs non-religious thing, I don't know. And I don't care. I validated their life. I didn't weep for it. Why does that matter to anyone else?
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
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  2. #52
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Since I acknowledge other emotions, it wouldn't make sense for me to ignore some at random. These aren't big life changing events either, they're just things. A 92 year old that passes away in their sleep isn't a tragedy to me, for example. I think celebrating their long life would be a great idea. That's not the way others saw it. This could possibly be a religious vs non-religious thing, I don't know. And I don't care. I validated their life. I didn't weep for it. Why does that matter to anyone else?
    Ha, I usually celebrate lives versus mourning deaths. I prefer the warts and all approach.

    There are many things some people get sentimental about needlessly.

    But even so, during my suppressed feelings era, I could coldly argued for some absolutely horrible things and ignore human consequences as mere statistics. You know, the idea that a single death is a tragedy, while 1 million deaths are merely policy and numbers.

    I had someone try to recruit me into the CIA because I had the required mentality to coldly manipulate and destroy human lives, without losing the sense of mission. So glad I avoided that, but I coldly played with human lives in other jobs anyway.

    In no way could I do that today.

    It isn't a religious thing, at least not a Christian thing. Buddhism stresses connection to all humanity.
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

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    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984

  3. #53
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SearchingforPeace View Post
    Because you are human. If you don't feel, it is highly likely it is just in your subconscious.

    People used to ask me why I was unfazed by certain things. I realize now I felt the emotions, just didn't acknowledge them consciously.
    I know this is from another conversation, but I think a tell-tale sign of a repressed emotion is if the lack of emotion is out of place for the individual. It's when there is no emotional response when a partner, child, parent, etc. dies. Emotional responses or the lack thereof to more peripheral scenarios can just be different ways people are calibrated. If you think about it, we all often lack a grief response when a stranger dies - if they are far enough distant from us and our experience. It may even come down to something as simple as our physiology. Some people's minds may release more chemicals under different sorts of stress.

    Emotional repression is seen when emotions are either too intense or absent for what is normal for an individual. There may even be some natural need for some repression. When people are in shock and denial as the first stage of grief, it can serve them well to deal with all the practical issues surrounding the tragedy, and then later they can retreat and deal with the emotion. The problem is when you stay in a state of denial. That is the same as staying in a state of depression. It is being "stuck" instead of processing and letting go of an emotion.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
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  4. #54
    breaking out of my cocoon SearchingforPeace's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    I know this is from another conversation, but I think a tell-tale sign of a repressed emotion is if the lack of emotion is out of place for the individual. It's when there is no emotional response when a partner, child, parent, etc. dies. Emotional responses or the lack thereof to more peripheral scenarios can just be different ways people are calibrated. If you think about it, we all often lack a grief response when a stranger dies - if they are far enough distant from us and our experience. It may even come down to something as simple as our physiology. Some people's minds may release more chemicals under different sorts of stress.

    Emotional repression is seen when emotions are either too intense or absent for what is normal for an individual. There may even be some natural need for some repression. When people are in shock and denial as the first stage of grief, it can serve them well to deal with all the practical issues surrounding the tragedy, and then later they can retreat and deal with the emotion. The problem is when you stay in a state of denial. That is the same as staying in a state of depression. It is being "stuck" instead of processing and letting go of an emotion.
    My wife's lack of emotions at the death of her father was a great example of this and really helped me to see things I never accepted before. But her denial was from decades earlier. Childhood trauma is so lasting. And in her case, may never end. My 48 year old wife still calls herself a child and engages in many childish behaviors as she is stuck as a 13 year old girl.....
    Quote Originally Posted by Archilochus
    The fox knows many things--the hedgehog one big one.
    And I am not a hedgehog......

    -------------------

    Jesus said "Blessed are the peacemakers" not "blessed are the conflict avoiders.....

    9w8 6w5 4w5 sx/so

    ----------------------

    “Orthodoxy means not thinking--not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness.”
    ― George Orwell, 1984

  5. #55
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    I really, really thought I didn't do this/wasn't capable of it. The exaggerated disgust I felt toward people who I felt were repressing should have been a clue.

    Repression isn't always cool, polite and contained, as I mistakenly assumed. It can actually be quite expressive and stormy. We can escape from emotions to secondary emotions, or express them in a misguided way that is really about discharging them or fogging them up with in-the-moment adrenaline so they don't have to be deeply felt.

    I took a bunch of notes on this recently when I read a book, so here are some examples from them of not so quiet repression:

    Rage - flight from more vulnerable emotions into a highly stimulating one. Most sources I've read about anger have said it's almost always secondary. This was a highly embarrassing one to learn about. Many times, I've felt I was being the only honest person in the room by expressing my anger. But when I read about its relationship with fear and sadness, I knew. Who wants to own up to running away from something at the expense of others? I have a bad McFly complex about cowardice (nobody calls me chicken!), so of course my unconscious is going to do circus acrobatics to hide any personal patterns of it of it from my awareness.

    Displacement - redirection of emotions toward something other than what really triggered them. It could be positive emotions, like doting on pets because one is afraid of humans rejecting them if they show affection. It could be negative emotions, like discharging grievances on people who are less likely to strike back than the real source of the stress. Emotion can be displaced onto the self, like blaming oneself for a problem to avoid standing up to someone else. Another humiliating highlight for me, having done literally all of these examples. Again, I didn't realize the dishonesty of it because I wasn't holding it in - but hiding can be about "where" as much as about "if".

    Exaggeration of an emotion is just the opposite of minimizing it - each escapes the true significance of it and the challenge of its complexity by running to one pole or another.

    Splitting - between good and bad. Either something is all one, or all the other. Idealizing or demonizing to avoid the feelings of uncertainty that come with accepting complexity and ambiguity in people or situations.

    Regression - escape to an easier stage of life. Not acting one's age.

    Drama can preempt a feared confrontation that was not necessarily inevitable - when it serves this purpose, it's the cognitive distortion of fortune telling coming to a head. Being convinced that a bad thing is coming, the anticipation is too much to bear. It can also be a way of extracting validation from others now, instant gratification. Difficulty sitting with the need for love. Being afraid to ask for company when lonely, so attracting others' attention with pyrotechnics instead - ironic how being ashamed of one's need for attention can precipitate way more extreme attention seeking behaviors than just unashamedly admitting the need.

    Humor can remove the sting from a hard truth. It can be a useful way of introducing truth to the reluctant as long as it leads into dealing with the real emotional gravity rather than numbing it indefinitely.

    Projection - as in the top of this post. Judging others with a special hatred that comes from knowing the fault intimately within oneself, whether one is aware of it or not.
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  6. #56
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    ^ @Nixie Awesome post. I want to print it out and frame it.
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
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  7. #57
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    @Nixie
    Excellent post! What is the title/author of the book you referred to on this topic?
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  8. #58
    Senior Member evilrubberduckie's Avatar
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    I dont have any emotional repression. Except with porblems that I havnt solved during my childhood. Most of it include.

    Maternal.
    Emotional.
    Social/cultural clash.
    Irrationality
    Fatherly.
    Commitment issues
    Romantic (I have commitment issues. but THIS takes the cake.)

    All of these I repress. Totally healthy individual otherwise. Very expressive. Very unorthodox, very "Talk the talk but no walking" type of ordeal.

    Im working on it.

    Im lying to myself.

    Partially.

    See my issue?

    Don't worry Im totally emotionally stable though
    "Advance, and never halt, for advancing is perfection. Advance and do not fear the thorns in the path, for they draw only corrupt blood."
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  9. #59
    Paranoid Android Video's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fia View Post
    @Nixie
    Excellent post! What is the title/author of the book you referred to on this topic?
    It was Hide and Seek: The Psychology of Self-Deception, by Neel Burton. It was very influential for me recently - still is.

    @EJCC, I heard you like lists. If you do, I bet you'd love the book like I did. It basically is a list of thirtysomething defense mechanisms the author has observed in his Oxford psychiatry practice. He lays out each one in a way that reminds me of an ISTP function order - describing the logic of each mechanism (why we do it), giving examples from his field of experience, tying up the data into a core meaning, and then moving on. The chapters are seldom more than a couple pages, dense and containing nothing irrelevant.
    4w3 6w5 1w2 sx/sp ISFP

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  10. #60
    Member Silent's Avatar
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    Emotional repression can come from without and from within. I have experienced both.
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