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Thread: What does this ISTJ see in this ENTP that makes him so fond of me?

  1. #1
    Junior Member Array
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    Aug 2014

    Default What does this ISTJ see in this ENTP that makes him so fond of me?

    I am a bisexual ENTP guy and I recently befriended this straight ISTJ married guy. We used to work in the same office building years ago so we usually acknowledged each when we bumped into each other, every now and then (we live in a small town), but that was pretty much the extent of our “relationship”. But I always thought he was cute and he had a way of gazing at me that made me think maybe he thought the same about me. Then earlier this year, I met him on a flight and I initiated the contact. We exchanged numbers, and I sent a first email. What were occasional and perfunctory emails at the beginning gradually grew into a close-knit friendship within months. In fact so close that I fell in love with him. But this is really not the point. Since he is fairly homophobic, I know better than telling him that I am interested and I am happy enough with just the platonic friendship.

    My problem is that the relationship has grown so close that sometimes I almost gasp for air. He is very much a family person, and I am probably the first non-family member to ever enter his house. He has no other friend but me. We see each other every day, spend most of our lunch breaks together during the work week and have spent many a weekend together, either just the 2 of us or with his family. Sometimes at the end of the workday, I would drive to his workplace, we would sit in the park and talk for two hours before going home. And most of the time, I have to remind him that he has a family and it’s time for him to leave. Once at home, he’d call me again to know if I’ve eaten already or what I’m watching on TV. We speak / text /email each other 10 times a day. At times, he calls me around 9 or 10 in the morning, angry that he hasn’t heard from me earlier. He is very protective and once told me that I should run all my major life decisions by him (work, investment, marriage et al). He is jealous of my friends, of which I have many, and doesn’t like the idea that I have other friends but him. Yet, he has absolutely no “gay vibe” (and God, have I looked for signs) and has made some fairly homophobic comments on occasion. This friendship has developed into a marriage in almost every aspect but the sex. Obviously I like the attention and truly enjoy his company, but I increasingly feel that it is not a very healthy relationship for me, or for him for that matter. Something in me believes he is a closeted bisexual guy who is yet to acknowledge his inner feeling. Another part thinks this is just wishful thinking.

    However, my main issue is this: what could I possibly be to this guy that he wants me so badly in his life? What could be going through his mind?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Array Hitoshi-San's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
    6w7 sp/sx


    ISTJs value very close relationships from my experience. My best friend is one and she would see me every day if she could. She's usually the one to initiate us hanging out together. If an ISTJ warms up to you though, consider yourself way lucky :P They're sure of the people they like and do not like.

    That being said, he COULD be a closeted bisexual. If you said he was homophobic, he could be trying to keep his beliefs and values over his desires, or his own judgement over the popular opinion. I would let your opinions on sexuality be known, even though he will probably keep up a barrier. They can be like that at times, so I would not take anything to heart too quickly.

    ENTPs are confident and intelligent traits that ISTJs appreciate. Maybe he was too quiet to intimate the contact first - he probably wanted to be your friend in the office.

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