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Thread: Why is this ISTJ so flaky?

  1. #11
    Junior Member Array
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    LSI Ni


    I agree.

    I often do this to a lot of my friends who I see almost everyday. Because ISTJ's are not as in tune with their feelings because it is auxilery, it could be likely that your friend has a difficult time processing his feelings as well as expressing them towards you. Therefore, causing him to go long periods of time with communicating with you.

    As for speaking to you again as if there were no problem, ISTJ's have an incapability of apologising, even if they feel that they should do this, they have an they'll-get-over-it type attitude which is extremely common in ISTJ's.

    The best thing to do would be to confront him about how you're feeling. Seeing your anxiety will solidify to him, how much he and your friendship means to you, and because ISTJ's are more likely to accept data once it has become concrete for them, he is more likely to take your feelings into consideration after.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Array ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008


    Quote Originally Posted by Summer View Post
    Hi ISTJs guys (and girls), can someone help to make sense of this. I don't want to have ill thoughts of this ISTJ guy, and I could really use some advice on what's going on in his mind...

    So this ISTJ guy whom I work with... we have the same job, but he works at another outlet, in another city. We share certain tasks, so we have to communicate via email and online messenger.

    About 4 or 5 months ago, we started chatting more regularly and realize we have a ton in common (I'm INTP)! We also view the world and people the way. Because we both have wide array of interest. Everything went well for about 2 months - I was slightly crushing on him but thought even if nothing happens, we should still be friends. Everything was going so well, no arguments, then one day he just stop responding. He would not talk to me at all. He ignored my emails and IM.

    As an INTP, believe me, I understand the need for personal space, and I'm no stalker. I would occasionally send a link to an article he's interested in, and drop on once a week (or two weeks) to say hi, how are you, etc. Still nothing.

    Then 6 weeks ago, he showed up and chat with me like as if nothing ever happened. No I'm sorry I went AWOL, nothing, didn't even mention anything. But very quickly the conversation turned personal (he started it, I didn't ask, I was still a little mad), started telling me bits about himself, even sending me pictures of his apartment, his dog, plants etc. He even admitted that he asked my ex co-worker (who transferred to his store) about me. We chat on IM regularly daily, and he responded within almost immediately to within two hours. He was more polite, shower me with praises, from what I was wearing, to the report that we need to work on together, to every other little thing. This went on for two weeks. Then he went cold again. He would wish me good morning, how are you daily, then disappear for the rest of the day. Then repent this behavior for the next week or so...

    Then he's back on chatting normally, responding etc. This time though he started saying he really like the way I work, that I have a great character, that we'll get along great etc. This went on for a week, then he started his wishing me good morning, how are you daily, then disappear (will not respond) for the rest of the day odd behavior the next week.

    Last week, he was back in the mood to chat. He said he really like me, and can see us together as a couple, where we could live if we were together etc, and I responded positively. For the next few days we were chatting and sending each other sweet messages. Everything was great, but then he went into his non responding mode AGAIN. Says good morning, how's your day then nothing!

    He's in his non-responding mood again!

    Now I'm really getting annoyed. As much as I like him, there's a limit to my patience.

    Can someone help me understand him, or tell me how I should respond, what's the right way to interact with him? I really thought he's the ideal man for me, but he keeps doing this. I just so want to walk away but I don't want to make the wrong decision......
    I can't believe you made it this far without saying WTF? I would start there, I wouldn't worry about how best to interact with an ISTJ until I got a straight answer.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Array Habba's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008


    As an ISTJ, I do not apologize. I fix things. And improve things making sure same error won't happen again. I think apologizing is waste of time and effort, and only good for comforting hurt egos.

    I'm not always right, and I don't believe that my opinions are facts. I do believe that facts are my opinion.

    I'm known to be quiet when someone expects me to share. I have no need to share my feelings (=introverted and thinking), but I'll do so when asked. I'm not very preoccupied about what other people are feeling, I usually take things/people by face value. I do of course realize people have variety of feelings, but I only react to those they choose to bring up.

    Even though I might seem to see the world as black and white, I do realize that there are shades of grey. As a matter of fact, I think everything is contextual and subjective. I believe people place too much value on objectivity. It's our subjective experiences that matter. If someone says they are feeling chilly, then it is chilly. No point arguing about the room temperature.

    In OP's case, it really bothers me that she hasn't said anything about how she perceives the situation. Speak up, and if he's an ISTJ, he'll responds truthfully.

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