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  1. #1
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    Default My colleague doesn't ask me any questions!!!

    Hi,

    This is my first post so excuse me if i'm in the wrong place or not using the correct etiquette.

    I am female, 27, live in the UK and work at a university in a small administrative office with just one other girl who is also 27.

    We have been working together for 3 months and she is starting to drive me crazy becuase she talks AT me constantly.

    She walks in the door talking about her night out/wkd/meal/aching feet/greasy hair or whatever is on her mind and yet never EVER asks me a question about myself - EVER!

    I am quite a chatty person myself (But not overbearing i like to think i have some self awareness!) - but she makes me almost mute because she never asks me anything about myself and i am sick of humouring her!

    I have actually had a peice of paper on my desk for the last week with the aim being to make a tick every time she asked me a question (just to check if i was over-reacting) and it's empty!?!? completely empty, she hasn't asked me a single thing.

    Because it's a small office i don't want a confrontation or to make the environment any worse - She doesn't take any kind of critisim or "suggestion" well and tends to sulk if i say something she doesn't want to hear or do.

    I just want an easy life but am now starting to ignore her completely which isn't great for our environment - what should I do!?!?!?

    Thank You.

  2. #2
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    I'd say your colleague isn't very interested in establishing any communication between the two, so maybe you could as well give up trying. Just pretend you are very busy and only chat with her (or rather, let her speaking) for small periods of time.

    BTW welcome.

  3. #3
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    Oh dear.... I was wondering if there was something i could say but that sounds like a firm "no, don't bother".

    I have met and worked with large number of pleasant, unpleasant and slightly barmy people but i have never met someone like this before!

    She isn't stupid. she can be very charming (to others) when she wants to be but we don't have anything in common other than being the same age.

    I just can't belive that she could be that self involved - do this people actually exist!?!?!?!?

  4. #4
    mountain surfing nomadic's Avatar
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    umm...

    just look at them with a far off look in your face. like u are about to fall asleep... lol

    i don't know why u would let someone like that register on your radar...

  5. #5
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    Well... we work in a very small office and we do admin so my experience in other roles shows that your work is much more enjoyable if you get on with the other person than if you don't!

    I guess I was hoping for a way to get her more interested so that we could actually have some fun and conversations together instead of sitting in deafening silence 40 hours a week! (with the exception of her incessant outbursts which are slowing starting to dry up now i am pretty much ignoring her!).

    I wondered if there was anything i was doing wrong i guess.

  6. #6
    Senior Member sciski's Avatar
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    Have you tried simply offering information about yourself and seeing if she continues the interaction? She might simply have no self-awareness about her self-centredness. Some people are like that...

    Try being assertive about it - ask her if she's noticed that she hasn't seemed to ask you how you're doing.. and let her know it's been bothering you a bit. This could be hard to manage in a nice tone if you're really irritated though. And it could backfire depending on the type of person she is - you're the best judge!

    Or you could just keep things polite and cordial as you're doing... but it sounds like it's stressing you out, so acting on it would be better.

    The other alternative is the good old voodoo doll.

  7. #7
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    Thank You Sciski for your thoughts. When i've done somthing of interest I used to mention it. i go away for weekends quite a lot, i got out quite a lot and generally have lots of things to talk about - but whenever i would mention anything i would either get a zero response or at best an "mmmm..." before she cuts in with her "news".

    I remember in our first month she used to talk over me all the time. I managed to get her to stop that by being assertive and just staring at her until she realised what she did!

    Now she just doesn't respond at all!

    I could say something to her but i will get one of two responses:

    - Token questions asked with no interest in the response (worse than no questions at all in my opinion!)

    - A huge strop and really negative atmosphere.

    Think the voodoo doll could be a good idea as i'm realising that this is just hopeless!

  8. #8
    Junior Member LowEnd's Avatar
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    From what I can tell, she sounds like a great coworker.

    sciski has the right idea I think.

    I'd be blatant about it.
    Do an impression of her voice, and use it to ask yourself some conversational questions. If shes an idiot she'll think your crazy, if shes not an idiot, she might get what your doing.

    You could take it to the extreme and just ask her everything about everything. If she starts telling you about her night out ask her how many steps she took that night, or how many times she touched her hair. Once again, her idiocy will determine it's effectiveness.

    Alternatively, just ask her how many questions she thinks shes asked you in the last month or so.
    That should get to the root of the problem.

    Another option, talk at her incessantly.

    I know you'd rather be civil and pleasant, but I'd settle for disharmony in the workplace if the only other option was to listen to endless drivel from a chirpy, ignorant narcissist. Good luck either way.

  9. #9
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    Ha! Thank You LowEnd but i think she would think i was a little wierd and i can just see me doing that as my boss walks in making me look stupid!

    If it was in a private setting i might be able to though!

    I thought i would make a point today of mentioning that i went to this really cool new bar last night so i said "hey i went to the sky bar last night" i just got the response "i don't like those sorts of places" to which i said "why not?" (dammit! i found myself asking her a question - this was not meant to happen!!!!) and she sneered and said "i wouldn't want to go there - i just don't like those types of places - I guess the view might be ok though".

    And that was that.................

    I think i have just reached my limit - this might be war!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. #10
    Senior Membrane spirilis's Avatar
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    Buy some nerf guns and duke it out with her!
    intp | type 9w1 sp/sx/so

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