Sorry if I'm posting in the wrong place. This is part "I need advice" and part "I need to rant".
I'm having trouble with a co-worker. I think she's an ESFJ (or maybe ENFJ), and I just don't understand her.
I work in IT, and I share an office with three others. We are a small team in charge of the same software for the company, and all do similar work.
Anyways, I'm a typical INTJ woman... I'm new to MBTI, but from what I've read I'm pretty typical. I'm quiet and I don't enjoy talking about non-work related things, while I'm at work. I especially don't like talking about myself. I'm very private. But I also understand that a little bit of that is good for the team, and I do share and enjoy chatting now and again.
But one of my coworkers, is VERY extroverted, and she loves to talk, constantly. If her browser or software isn't loading fast enough, she'll get bored and use that time to say something, whether you are actively listening or not. I've been using headphones mostly, so I can work through her random musings and "exciting" life updates, without being distracted.
What I'm having the most trouble with is when she tries to draws information out of me. Sometimes she just asks questions. What are you eating right now? (happens every day). Where did you buy it? Have you ever done Xxx? What are you and your wife doing this weekend/last weekend/this summer/tonight? ect.... And she jokes that she talks a lot, but doesn't seem to care. Or maybe she is holding back, which is a scary thought.
These questions aren't too bad, because I can be vague if I don't want to dole out too much. They just happen frequently.
But then there are things she wants to ask me about, but I think on some level she knows it would be rude. So she hints about it. Tiptoes around it. In hopes that I'll talk about it, I guess. One example, I have a large scar on my hand. And I've never talked about it, it's not important to me and frankly I rather not. But she's come in with some new lotion or cream that her friend swears by, and tells me that it does wonders for your hands. You know, for dry skin, scars, discoloration... And this seems to happen, about all types of things, a lot. I figure she's just trying to help, but WTF.
This is what I hear when these situations arise.... "Hi! I see that you are in the middle of working, but I'm going to interrupt you anyway. I was studying you, and even though you've never talked about it with me, I noticed XYZ. So I wanted to offer you this 'thing' that I think is related to XYZ. And I insist that you talk about it with me now. Thanks!"
"Um, no thanks." Awkward silence.
She's a little gossipy too, so I really don't want to tell her anything because I'm worried she'll inevitably tell someone else. Plus she'll bring up things I've said in the past, any chance she gets, like we are best friends with this inside information we can talk about. But I don't want to be her friend. I just want to be her pleasant hardworking co-worker, that gets her sh*t done and talks about work things. It doesn't help that she doesn't get her sh*t done, but that's another matter.
Is this an ESFJ thing? I know I'm difficult too, but I don't seem to have these problems with the other two people in the office. What exactly does she want from me? What's her deal?! Is it that she NEEDS to be my friend and/or know everything about me in order to work with me?
I want to keep things copacetic between us, but I don't know how to handle her interactions. Right now I feel like I'm a jumpy cat that hisses at her every time she looks at me.
TLDR; She's nosy and talkative, I'm ultra-private and quiet. Is there a place I can meet her half-way so we are both happy? Help!!