I am an ENFP... Was with an ISFJ for 5 years right down to owning a home together and everything... the whole nine yards...
Some general themes of the relationship - which by the way, I wound up having to end it because I became too unhappy - even though I REALLY wanted it to work...
1) ISFJ tendency toward pessimism, complaining, buzzkill, negative attitude:
Me: I'm so excited we're buying a home!!!
She: "Now we have a mortgage payment and property taxes."
Me: "I can't wait to take the boat out it's going to be so fun!"
She: "Now we have to make sure it's insured and pay for gas."
Me: "I love our new baby kitten she's adorable!!"
She: "Now we have a litter box to clean and vet bills."
Me: "I'm so excited that our friends are coming over today!!"
She: "Now we have to buy food and drinks and clean up afterward."
One day I gave her a stuffed Eeyore animal from Winnie the Pooh to try and make a point in a humorous way. She always saw the glass as "half empty." Everything in her life went through that negative filter. =(
2) She wanted a HELPMATE. I wanted a MINDMATE.
Me: "What do you think about ______? I wonder if ______?"
She: "This place is a mess. I do everything around here."
(Keep in mind "mess" to her would be clean by anyone else's standards and she would fail to recognize or acknowledge all the ways I contributed to the relationship and then give constant guilt trips)
3) ISFJ insecurity, paranoia, and accusations of affairs:
She was jealous of friends, colleagues, family members, mailmen, neighbors, store clerks, the realtor - ANYONE I gave a crumb of attention to was now "the enemy" in her eyes. Everyone felt like a threat to her. She was very controlling and possessive - so to make her happy I stopped hanging out with anyone or interacting with anyone for fear of her wrath. I started realizing I was living in prison and losing myself. She was very very needy and clingy and would get very upset if I wanted to do something without her.
4) Criticism, moodiness, unanticipated and easily triggered BLOW UPS where they annihilate you and rehash everything wrong you've ever done (in their eyes) and then bring you a pizza later with "I'm Sorry" written in pepperoni and profusely apologize. Blame shifting: nothing was ever her fault and I was the root cause of all evil at all times.
She: "Get in here."
Me: "Ok, what's up?" <walk into kitchen>
She: "There are four cans of food missing from the pantry."
Me: "Yes I donated them to the can drive for poor kids."
She: "WHAT is WRONG with you!!!?" <flings my backpack across room and storms off, begins silent treatment>
5) Focus on problems not solutions:
She: "I'm sick of doing everything around here."
Me: "Let me pay someone to come and clean the house once a week."
She: "That's a waste of money and a ridiculous idea."
Me: "Well how about I treat you to dinner once a week then?"
She: "I'm not your slave don't treat me like one."
Me: "Ok how about we make a chore table and take turns?"
She: "I'm not in kindergarten I don't need a chore table."
6) Lack of conversational skills or participation: We could not hold a conversation to save our lives. <crickets chirping> I would say something and she would stay quiet. Some might mistake this for her being a "good listener." But I say NO. She never gave any feedback or contributed to the conversation- she didn't participate or add to what was being said. I was BORED to tears. She never had anything interesting, thought provoking, or engaging to say. The two times of year she did I got all excited and wrote it in my journal to cling to.
Basically I couldn't do ANYTHING right in her eyes. I tried for five years and finally it became too exhausting. It felt like I was responsible for her happiness and I could never make her happy because it was like a bottomless pit - it would never be enough. I just couldn't please her.
The lack of intellectual stimulation and the sheer quantity and degree of boredom was painful.
To her credit - she DID cook and clean. But I felt like I lived with a statue - and a critical one at that!