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  1. #31
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I was glad to read your post, BerberElla, because I think that's what I was seeing and trying to verbalize.

    Obviously in her conversation with this other person my ISFJ was extremely invested in getting to sit where we wanted, but she gave no outward sign in the presence of the greeter.

    For a matter of fact I felt as though she was observing me being assertive with him with some discomfort or even disapproval.

    Then to carry on like that nearly two weeks later made me wonder why she was still carrying that little molehill around with her. There had been no problem at all from my perspective.

    I asked for what we wanted.

    Was put off
    Asked again.
    Got it.

    All taken care of.

    I wondered if she had trouble asking for what she needed/wanted.

    Then there is that carrying the past around with her in a troubled manner. Oh dear.
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  2. #32
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    ^ she could have been just mirroring you after the fact and not really cared when it happened.

  3. #33
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    I suppose that's a possibility, Hmm.

    So then what would that be all about?

    Trying on a new persona?

    Stewing about a perceived offense - see that's how I interpreted it.

    Lacking in immediacy?

    Tell me more about how you see it?
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  4. #34
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anja View Post
    Trying on a new persona?
    I would call it delayed empathizing. Which I guess is annoying still.

  5. #35
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Okay, it seems like I'm currently the only active ISFJ on this forum so forgive me if I can't get to all of you who have problems with ISFJ's but I'll try.

    Admittedly, a lot of the stuff in this thread I can't relate to.

  6. #36
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Well, gee. Looking at it that way makes it kind of a left-handed compliment!

    But I didn't have that vociferous affect going on. Heh.

    I want to say something about "annoying."

    I'd want to look at it more as an area that could use improvement in the health department. It's sometimes difficult but I like to look at personal "flaws" as undeveloped areas and try to keep the judgement factor out.

    With varying degrees of success. . .
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  7. #37
    Senior Member Anja's Avatar
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    Just missed your last post. You are the only one!

    Some courage to face this one, brave Girl.

    Glad you don't relate to them all!
    "No ray of sunshine is ever lost, but the green which it awakes into existence needs time to sprout, and it is not always granted to the sower to see the harvest. All work that is worth anything is done in faith." - Albert Schweitzer

  8. #38
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BerberElla View Post
    Also she is extremely paranoid about being cheated on, it consumes her current relationship. She is sure that he will cheat, she has plenty of reason to believe this of course but her attitude is to remain the nice one, to not realy say anything, to continue to self sacrifice and take care of all his little needs, to keep him fed and content, so that when he does cheat (no way will he not as far as she is concerned) she can then be the "nice one" and in no way to blame for the break up of the relationship.

    First off, let me just say that there is nothing wrong with her being nice to the guy she is with now if he is being nice to her as well. But more importantly, regardless of type, when a person has been cheated on, it takes them a while to get over that psychologically. If your friend likes the guy she is with and he continues to be faithful to her, eventually she will see it for what it is and stop being so paranoid.

  9. #39
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    An unhealthy ISFJ? Just study 'Hmm' a little bit.

    :P

  10. #40
    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Hmm;372901]First off, let me just say that there is nothing wrong with her being nice to the guy she is with now if he is being nice to her as well. But more importantly, regardless of type, when a person has been cheated on, it takes them a while to get over that psychologically. If your friend likes the guy she is with and he continues to be faithful to her, eventually she will see it for what it is and stop being so paranoid.[/QUOTE

    I agree, I wasn't saying that this was specifically type related (the fear about cheating if it has happened before) it's more that she is so nice to him inspite of him giving her nothing but reasons to stick up for herself. (which of course she doesn't)

    She has also verbally told me that she intends to carry on being as nice as pie so that when it's over he can't say anything bad about her.

    She intends to carry on laying in the lumpy bed they have made together rather than talk to him about the problems. Being the nice one is so important to her.

    I hope with all of my heart that it works out for her, she is my closest friend that I have ever had and I love her to pieces, but I want my ISFJ back, I want her to stick up for herself.

    She was the one who gave me the courage to leave a very unhealthy and damaging part of my life behind, she has stood by me in court, she has protected me physically from my ex husband, she was a strong woman. Where has that gone now? This game playing nice nice attitude is hurting her more than him and not achieving what she hopes it will achieve.

    How do I help her see she is playing a game in which she will only end up getting more hurt?


    (anyway sorry for the thread sort of jacking )
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

    DeWitt - "Something far worse, she's an Idealist"

    Berb's Johari Berb's Nohari

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