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  1. #1
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    Default Help with an ISFJ?

    Hello, this is my first post, so please, be kind

    First of all, I wanted to thank you for helping me understand other people better, you guys are the best!

    My question is about an ISFJ I'm crushing on. I am almost sure he feels the same way about me.

    When we see each other, it's perfect. We talk on facebook and exchange hundreds of text messages every day.

    The only thing that I don't get is why he doesn't want the two of us just to go somewhere without a reason...?

    Here's what I mean: When we go somewhere with a group of people [we both belong to a sort of club which gets invited to a lot of concerts and competitions], he always suggests that we both go somewhere afterwards to talk [alone, without the others], have coffee and so on and it's amazing.

    But when I suggest that we meet on Saturday here and there just because, there's always an excuse! Today he said that yes, we should totally meet... and then he added that maybe we'll go somewhere after that thing we have in March.

    My theory is that he doesn't want me to figure out his feelings, because if he invites me on a date, it would say a lot about what his feelings are, and if we happen to go somewhere right after a concert, it wouldn't? He came all the way to my school once and pretended he had to talk to one of my classmates [which was a small thing actually] and spent almost all that time with me. Why pretend? Why look for excuses? To me it's all the same..

    I'm just really not sure how I'm supposed to act! Should I try to convince him to see me without a reason? Or should I play along and see what happens?

    Please, dearest ISFJs, help me out here! I'm an ENFJ so I need lots of human contact!

  2. #2
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by demoiselle.nathalie View Post
    Hello, this is my first post, so please, be kind
    Hai

    Quote Originally Posted by demoiselle.nathalie View Post
    First of all, I wanted to thank you for helping me understand other people better, you guys are the best!
    You ENFJs are pretty awesome yourself. I would have married one if she didn't live a bajillion miles away from me

    Quote Originally Posted by demoiselle.nathalie View Post
    My question is about an ISFJ I'm crushing on. I am almost sure he feels the same way about me.

    When we see each other, it's perfect. We talk on facebook and exchange hundreds of text messages every day.

    The only thing that I don't get is why he doesn't want the two of us just to go somewhere without a reason...?

    Here's what I mean: When we go somewhere with a group of people [we both belong to a sort of club which gets invited to a lot of concerts and competitions], he always suggests that we both go somewhere afterwards to talk [alone, without the others], have coffee and so on and it's amazing.

    But when I suggest that we meet on Saturday here and there just because, there's always an excuse! Today he said that yes, we should totally meet... and then he added that maybe we'll go somewhere after that thing we have in March.

    My theory is that he doesn't want me to figure out his feelings, because if he invites me on a date, it would say a lot about what his feelings are, and if we happen to go somewhere right after a concert, it wouldn't? He came all the way to my school once and pretended he had to talk to one of my classmates [which was a small thing actually] and spent almost all that time with me. Why pretend? Why look for excuses? To me it's all the same..

    I'm just really not sure how I'm supposed to act! Should I try to convince him to see me without a reason? Or should I play along and see what happens?

    Please, dearest ISFJs, help me out here! I'm an ENFJ so I need lots of human contact!
    My opinion, as an ISFJ male, is that he's just not that into you. He may enjoy your company, he may genuinely like you as a person. But he sounds a guy who is either a) not interested in you or b) he's got issues that's preventing him from committing/making him emotionally unavailable.

    Without knowing you two, I can't help but wonder if maybe you're reading too much into his actions and you're allowing your infatuation to cloud your assessment of his actions. I just know that when *I* am into a woman, I'm about as subtle with it as a plane crash. I will hang all over her, find all kinds of excuses to talk to her, blow up her phone with text messages (including good morning and good night texts) and most importantly I will run through a hale storm of gunfire to spend time with her.

    Seriously, I will rearrange my whole schedule, blow off/cancel/outright skip prior appointments or plans - ANYTHING I can do to spend a second with her. In fact, my issue is that I often sometime smother the women I'm with and blow off my friends...which can be a problem for obvious reasons.

    Reading what you've written...he just doesn't seem to be doing that. Spending time with you and enjoying your company, sure..but he just seems very lackadaisical about his meet ups with you.

    Of course...I could be completely off base. I'm an Sx-dom and have enough confidence to pursue a woman I want. He may just be a little shy about you.

    My advice: Talk to him about it. You might get rejected, but it will resolve any further doubt. Tell him how you feel about him and ask him about his behavior. With luck, he may really like you and just be clueless as to how much he's been tying you up in knots

    Good luck dear. If he's smart, he'll snatch you up in a heartbeat. You ENFJs are terrific catches
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson
    Likes Pierre-Yves liked this post

  3. #3
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    Make it clear that you like him, without necessarily being overly obvious. Then, he will probably be more willing to admit his feelings for you.
    Amazonian

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