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Thread: ESFJ's help an INTJ out, please. (INTJ female needs help with ESFJ male)

  1. #41
    Senior Member Array FallsPioneer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007


    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    Ok, I need more help. He's been out of state for the past week and a half and last night I got really drunk and texted him with:
    "I miss you darling"
    He texted back: "Lies"
    Me: "Sweetie, I'm being straight up...I miss you"
    Him: "ehh idk, well ill be back sat"
    Me:"baby tell me you miss me"
    Him: "well i do but i don't really believe you"
    Me: "ive been thinking about you this whole time...fuck everyone else its just you and me"
    Him: "well i guess we'll see what kinda shaky about this whole thing since all that happened"
    Me: "me too...the next time I see (best friend) i will punch him in the face for both of us...i miss you!"
    Him: "miss you too"

    An hour later, he texts me with: "what are you doing"

    And tonight, he updates me with: "im coming back sunday night now"
    I reply with: "alrightey...still miss you foo'"
    Him: "alright alrighttt i miss you too"
    Me: "haha shut up...btw sorry for being a drunken fool yesterday"
    Him: "dont worry about it i was JUST as drunk as you were haha"

    Please help, what does this all mean, if anything? ESFJ's work so completely differently from INTJ's that I am so lost right now. Is he just updating me that he's coming back on sunday out of obligation or would he not even bother to reply/text me if he didn't care? Am I coming off too strong? This is all so completely stupid and yet I can't get myself out of it.
    Well, you got drunk again, which is precisely what led to messing your "acquaintanceship..." not entirely a good start. But who knows, you might not have heard from him again if you weren't drunk, cause you wouldn't have thought twice about messaging your buddy.

    The guy was hurt, that's for sure, and upon reading the texts I think he probably had something for you. He's actually fairly straightforward, especially with "well i do but i don't really believe you," that means that he wants to trust you and possibly make something of your friendship and what not but you damaged that and he's not sure. And he acknowledged missing you. He's being reticent, but fair, because he's trying to protect himself.

    As far as his updating you with his agenda, I think he's trying to be's like a way of opening up. I don't think it's a heavily symbolic thing like "I'm coming back Sunday and I want you immediately." He is testing the water, which is a good sign. Thankfully for your case I think you're dealing with a guy who is nicer than most.

    You're coming off slightly stronger than you need to, what with all of the "I miss you"'s. And "fuck everyone else its just you and me" is an uninhibited statement that someone might say if they're drunk - bad news because in light of the unstable and extreme behavior he knows your capable of under the influence, he's more likely to distrust any sort of strong statements on your part. Stable behavior will be more likely to earn the trust of your buddy back. It sounds like you have strong feelings for the guy but you need to control yourself a bit more. Or are you sure you know what you want out of this whole ordeal?
    Still using a needle to break apart a grain of sand.

  2. #42
    Order Now! Array pure_mercury's Avatar
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    Feb 2008


    I agree with Falls. If you got that type of message from this ESFJ, anyway, I'd hope you'd take me at my words. It sounds as if he wants to see you, but he just can't get himself to trust you. He told you exactly when he would be back, which is not the behavior of someone who doesn't want to see you. Do me a favor when he gets back: TALK TO HIM IN PERSON AND DO NOT GET FUCKED UP BEFOREHAND OR WITH HIM. Be sober and honest and let him get mad at you if he needs to. Explain yourself calmly and really listen. Don't invite any more madness into the situation.
    Who wants to try a bottle of merc's "Extroversion Olive Oil?"

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