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  1. #11
    Senior Member Angry Ayrab's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Didums View Post
    Strategize. Say that the guy raped you (it wasn't consentual) to draw sympathy from the ESFJ guy and get rid of his best friend so that you two can spend time together. Problem solved? I mean its a heartless plan but who knows it could work lol. Also, you didn't get this advice from me

    holy crap, I can't believe I just read that before going to bed, funny yet really effed up in a funny sort of way.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Harlow_Jem's Avatar
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    Well, it wasn't rape because I didn't say no nor did I care at the time because I was so fcked up that it never even occurred to me that I shouldn't sleep with his best friend. That's how temporarily insane you get when you get wasted on xanax. Anyway, I guess you guys are right. I should probably just let him be.

    "I have no need for good souls; an accomplice is what I want"--Sartre


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  3. #13
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    It isn't consentual unless you say "Yes"! (I learned something in Health class who would've thought). If you were not in the mental condition at the time to say "Yes" or "No" then it is rape, simple as that.

    Edit: Didn't see Didums' post until now obviously.
    Lol yea but mine was wayyyy more messed up, and sorry potentially giving you nightmares Angry Ayrab :P

  4. #14
    Order Now! pure_mercury's Avatar
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    Personally, I'd stay the hell away from both of these guys. One is a complete creep, and explaining the story to the ESFJ would be problematic, since he may be inclined to believe his friend's version of events. I'd leave it alone, and work on your own issues.
    Who wants to try a bottle of merc's "Extroversion Olive Oil?"

  5. #15
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    Another INTJ female over here. No...there is nothing that you can to do fix this. Nothing at all (unless it's heartless and cruel). The more you try to 'fix' this the worse that it will get for you. Meaning, the worse that he (and his friends) will be treating you. It's only a matter of time before your feelings will be involved, then you will be hurt, humiliated, and embarrassed in the worst way. You will be better off just cutting him and his friends out of your life. Why waste your time with someone who no longer cares about you or who (now) doesn't give a shit about how he treats you? C'mon hon. You know better than this...you know better than to chase after a guy that doesn't want you. ...not even being 'just friends' will help the situation. Just leave him alone and move on. Some guys (I said some, not all...please don't flame me) are so basic and primal that their main focus is sex sex sex. And they will do ANYTHING for it. And they don't care about females feelings and emotions (as in your case) when trying to pursue that which they desire most. Use this as a learning lesson. Next time you go out...and choose to drink, either bring someone along who doesn't drink to watch you or simply stay home to drink.

  6. #16
    Order Now! pure_mercury's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hidden View Post
    Another INTJ female over here. No...there is nothing that you can to do fix this. Nothing at all (unless it's heartless and cruel). The more you try to 'fix' this the worse that it will get for you. Meaning, the worse that he (and his friends) will be treating you. It's only a matter of time before your feelings will be involved, then you will be hurt, humiliated, and embarrassed in the worst way. You will be better off just cutting him and his friends out of your life. Why waste your time with someone who no longer cares about you or who (now) doesn't give a shit about how he treats you? C'mon hon. You know better than this...you know better than to chase after a guy that doesn't want you. ...not even being 'just friends' will help the situation. Just leave him alone and move on. Some guys (I said some, not all...please don't flame me) are so basic and primal that their main focus is sex sex sex. And they will do ANYTHING for it. And they don't care about females feelings and emotions (as in your case) when trying to pursue that which they desire most. Use this as a learning lesson. Next time you go out...and choose to drink, either bring someone along who doesn't drink to watch you or simply stay home to drink.
    I won't flame you, but the ESFJ guy doesn't sound like a "sex sex sex" type. He sounds like the "it's over now that you've slept with/been assaulted while intoxicated by my friend" type.
    Who wants to try a bottle of merc's "Extroversion Olive Oil?"

  7. #17
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Um, it sound like to me you were raped.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by pure_mercury View Post
    I won't flame you, but the ESFJ guy doesn't sound like a "sex sex sex" type. He sounds like the "it's over now that you've slept with/been assaulted while intoxicated by my friend" type.
    Yeah he does sound like that. I'm not saying all guys are like that or him in particular. Just trying to arm her with more info on how some other guys can be especially when drugs (of any kind) and alcohol are involved. I just don't want her to end up in this situation (or a similar situation) again. ...doesn't hurt to try...

  9. #19
    Senior Member Angry Ayrab's Avatar
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    wow, you guys are all making out this ESFJ to be the bad guy here, even though he is the one that got cheated on. Well, he is an ESFJ so he probably doesn't think about anything but sex, not the fact that he got cheated on, rolls eyes.

  10. #20
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Harlow_Jem View Post
    So you're all saying that there is absolutely no way to salvage this?? I mean, come on...there's a way to solve everything. I know it's my fault that I got completely trashed but I laid down on the bed and his best friend literally grabbed me like a ragdoll and after that, I don't remember shit. If I was any less fcked up and had any control of my mental functioning, I would have punched him in the face if he touched me otherwise. Isn't there any way to explain this to him? How does a T woman learn to appeal to/get through to an F male?
    I'm still missing something.

    It's sounds like you were severely taken advantage of. If you don't want to call it rape then fine but you had impaired mental functioning that did not allow you to consent to sex. As Economica already stated, your priority is not repairing this hook-up/fling with the ESFJ it's about getting yourself to some place to know what next steps to take. If you're OK with what happened between you and this guy's friend no one can make you feel violated if you don't feel like you have been. I still suggest you report this to the local police department even if you don't press any charges.

    Here's some information that you may want to take a look at.

    Date Rape
    Most friendships, acquaintances, and dates never lead to violence, of course. But, sadly, sometimes it happens. When forced sex occurs between two people who already know each other, it is known as date rape or acquaintance rape.

    Even if the two people know each other well, and even if they were intimate or had sex before, no one has the right to force a sexual act on another person against his or her will.

    Alcohol is often involved in date rapes. Drinking can loosen inhibitions, dull common sense, and -for some people -0 allow aggressive tendencies to surface.

    Drugs may also play a role. You may have heard about "date rape" drugs like rohypnol ("roofies"), gamma-hydroxybutyrate (GHB), and ketamine. Drugs like these can easily be mixed in drinks to make a person black out and forget things that happen. Both girls and guys who have been given these drugs report feeling paralyzed, having blurred vision, and lack of memory.
    Date rape - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    What exactly did you tell this dude because it seems to me you made it sound like drunken sex, not that you were passed out on the bed not knowing what was happening to you. Does he know that his best friend is the type of man to take advantage of an incapacitated woman? Would you even want to be with a guy who didn't believe you or at least dig a little deeper to find out what really happened between you and his friend?

    BTW, how old are you?
    Last edited by proteanmix; 07-16-2008 at 10:40 AM. Reason: rewording

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