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[ESFJ] Ask an ESFJ

DreamBeliever

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Mar 2, 2015
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776
In what ways are you like the other SJ types? In what ways do you differ from other SJ types? What about NJ types (especially ENFJs, because of the dominant Fe)? What traits do you think are unique, then, to ESFJs or maybe just xSFJs?
 

Showbread

climb on
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Oct 3, 2013
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2,298
MBTI Type
ESFJ
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3w2
Instinctual Variant
so/sp
In what ways are you like the other SJ types? In what ways do you differ from other SJ types? What about NJ types (especially ENFJs, because of the dominant Fe)? What traits do you think are unique, then, to ESFJs or maybe just xSFJs?

Similarities to other SJs:
- Love structure
- Rely heavily on experience to reason out new experiences
- Hesitant to jump into the unfamiliar head first
- Values and priorities are set pretty firmly, it takes some really solid arguments to question them
- Reliable
- Conscientious

Different from STJs
- A little less rigid about values, especially if emotions are engaged
- More value on being good/compassionate than being correct
- Less goal oriented, a bit more flexible and open to other options

Different from NJs
- More practical, more emphasis on details. An NJ makes an excellent visionary, but an SJ is better at executing the vision
- Less conceptual, probably not quite as imaginative
- More cautious, probably less likely to have a "go big or go home approach"
- More social savvy

SFJs specifically
- Nurturing
- Aware of the feelings of others
- We plan our lives around other people more than any other type
- Easy to guilt trip, we run from shame like the plague
 

á´…eparted

passages
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Messages
8,265
- Easy to guilt trip, we run from shame like the plague

This is an interesting distinction I have noticed between NFJ's and SFJ's. Both are sensitive to shame (I'm more sensitive to other things related to it, but it does get to me a lot). That said, NFJ's are very very difficult to guilt trip (guilt trips don't work on me). Consequently this is why I often see SFJ's as far less stubborn, despite the stereotype of them being more so.
 

Showbread

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So would you date ENFP's?

Um, it would depend a LOT on the ENFP. I wouldn't not date someone simply on the basis of type. However, ENFPs have a lot of characteristics that I would find difficult in a SO. So, I guess my answer is that I don't see myself being able to have a successful relationship with an ENFP. But, I wouldn't immediately dismiss someone because they told me they were an ENFP.

I really do love ENFPs, especially as friends. I have a few ENFP friends who I absolutely love. But I don't think I've ever had romantic feelings for anyone who wasn't a "T" type.
 

Luke O

Super Ape
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Mar 25, 2015
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INTP
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What do you admire about other MBTI types?
 

great_bay

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Jan 29, 2015
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intp
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What is your greatest intellectual accomplishment?
 

Showbread

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What do you admire about other MBTI types?

I tend to admire more carefree types that don't sweat the small thing, mostly xxFPs.

What is your greatest intellectual accomplishment?

Hmmm. What do you mean by that exactly? Honestly, I don't really set intellectual goals for myself, per say. I love to learn, and I love to challenge myself. In school I always took more difficult courses than I had to because I would rather be challenged than get an easy "A". I would say my academic career has been a pretty big accomplishment so far considering I have ADHD working against me but still managed to graduate from university in 4 years, with honors.
 

EJCC

The Devil of TypoC
Joined
Aug 29, 2008
Messages
19,129
MBTI Type
ESTJ
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1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Different from STJs
...
- Less goal oriented, a bit more flexible and open to other options
This is interesting to me. Why would Fe/Ti mean being less goal oriented? I would have assumed that Je types in general would be equally like that.
 

Showbread

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This is interesting to me. Why would Fe/Ti mean being less goal oriented? I would have assumed that Je types in general would be equally like that.

Honestly, I'm not sure. :shrug: I don't exactly remember my reasoning with this. Maybe STJs just tend to have more concrete, measurable goals. Where as my goals are more like "spend more time with person X" or "learn to be a better friend"? Because as I think more about it I tend to get tunnel vision about things I want to accomplish as well.
 

Julius_Van_Der_Beak

Up the Wolves
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Jul 24, 2008
Messages
19,447
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INTP
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5w6
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sp/so
Hmmm. What do you mean by that exactly? Honestly, I don't really set intellectual goals for myself, per say. I love to learn, and I love to challenge myself. In school I always took more difficult courses than I had to because I would rather be challenged than get an easy "A". I would say my academic career has been a pretty big accomplishment so far considering I have ADHD working against me but still managed to graduate from university in 4 years, with honors.

I chose a difficult major, too. I wanted to prove myself. I got a little distracted, so I was more of a B student overall than an A student, but still, that's nothing to frown about. I wish I'd devoted a little more effort to my courses in hindsight, but you only live once.
 

Showbread

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I chose a difficult major, too. I wanted to prove myself. I got a little distracted, so I was more of a B student overall than an A student, but still, that's nothing to frown about. I wish I'd devoted a little more effort to my courses in hindsight, but you only live once.

Yeah, my grades definitely dipped senior year because I was more focused on enjoying it and spending time with friends. But, my final GPA was still a 3.6! Just barely graduated Cum Laude. I definitely don't regret it either. My relationships are ultimately more important to me than academic success.
 

fetus

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Mar 22, 2015
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Are you into Socionics? If so, what type are you?
 

great_bay

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intp
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Could you see yourself in a long term relationship with an ESTJ?
 

Haven

Blind Guardian
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Apr 26, 2011
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MBTI Type
ESFJ
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Are you into Socionics? If so, what type are you?

ESFj, Fe is my thing

Could you see yourself in a long term relationship with an ESTJ?

Yea, some of them are pretty hot, while others are the kind I love to hate.

What's the deal with manners?

Yea, manners are a weird thing, it's a pattern unfamiliar people follow to establish common ground, like a secret handshake of sorts. A little bit of rudeness can break the ice and make people less self conscious, but too much and it becomes awkward. Some people get really uptight about them, but they probably aren't ESFJs.
 

Pionart

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 17, 2014
Messages
4,039
MBTI Type
NiFe
Yea, manners are a weird thing, it's a pattern unfamiliar people follow to establish common ground, like a secret handshake of sorts. A little bit of rudeness can break the ice and make people less self conscious, but too much and it becomes awkward. Some people get really uptight about them, but they probably aren't ESFJs.

Which types get uptight about them then? o_O

- - - Updated - - -

Yea, manners are a weird thing, it's a pattern unfamiliar people follow to establish common ground, like a secret handshake of sorts. A little bit of rudeness can break the ice and make people less self conscious, but too much and it becomes awkward. Some people get really uptight about them, but they probably aren't ESFJs.

Which types get uptight about them then? o_O
 

DreamBeliever

New member
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Mar 2, 2015
Messages
776
- How did you discover your mbti type?

- Being a dominant extroverted feeler, do you feel more sensitive than most people?

- Is it easy for you to talk freely about your own feelings, or do you prefer to focus on the feelings of others?

- What were you like as a kid? (ex. outgoing, well behaved, high energy, etc.)

- How does your enneagram type relate to your mbti type?

- How do you use your Si function?

- Being an SJ, how do you relate to/view SPs, NFs, & NTs?

- How would you describe yourself in 3 words?

- Do you feel ESFJs are good in leadership positions? (Or does it depend on the individual?)

Hope I haven't asked too much. If so, sorry. I'm full of questions today. lol
 

Showbread

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Messages
2,298
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3w2
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so/sp
- How did you discover your mbti type?

I took the test as a teen and got ESTJ, then I took it again around age 20 and got ExFJ. I read type descriptions for ESFJ/ENFJ, posted here, talked to friends, etc. and realized I am definitely a sensor.

Being a dominant extroverted feeler, do you feel more sensitive than most people?

About some things. I tend to handle criticism better than a lot of xxFPs. But I am definitely more sensitive to exclusion/isolation than most people I know.

Is it easy for you to talk freely about your own feelings, or do you prefer to focus on the feelings of others?

I find both to be very easy.

What were you like as a kid? (ex. outgoing, well behaved, high energy, etc.)

Outgoing, high energy, precocious, talkative, not a whole lot of self control. I was also extremely bossy. Think Hermione with ADHD.

How does your enneagram type relate to your mbti type?

I think ESFJs and 3s are both very concerned with other people's perception of them. I see Fe as having a lot of 3ish tendencies.

How do you use your Si function?

I am a creature of habit. I need some semblance of a routine in my life, and new experiences stress me out and make me feel overwhelmed. It takes me quite awhile to transition into new things.

Do you feel ESFJs are good in leadership positions? (Or does it depend on the individual?)

Personally, I love them/thrive in them. I think it depends a lot on the maturity level and priorities of the ESFJ though.
 
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