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Thread: Ask an ESFJ

  1. #121
    Member melomania's Avatar
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    My husband is an ESFJ and we often have conflicts where he gets frustrated because I'm not making rational statements when I'm discussing some sort of issue that I have. Can you relate to that and/or can you give some advice to an INFP on how to better communicate with an ESFJ?

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    What's Se-Demonstrative like?

  3. #123
    royal member Rasofy's Avatar
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    Ever dated an INTP? If yes, why things didn't work out?

  4. #124
    Senior Member great_bay's Avatar
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    What is your relations with ESTJ's and ISTJ's?

  5. #125
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by melomania View Post
    My husband is an ESFJ and we often have conflicts where he gets frustrated because I'm not making rational statements when I'm discussing some sort of issue that I have. Can you relate to that and/or can you give some advice to an INFP on how to better communicate with an ESFJ?
    I've had two INFP roommates and this didn't happen terribly often with either of them, they both had a pretty well-developed Te. There are definitely times where I can see INFP roommates logic, and I just fundamentally disagree with it. We're at the point in our relationship where I can calmly say something like "I understand what you're saying, and I can see why it makes sense. I just see it differently and disagree." Usually that settles it and no one has any hard feelings. it took awhile to get here because my initial ESFJ response is to correct and reeducate. But, that's really just an insult to her intelligence. She's thought through her opinion. Sometimes if I can present a logical alternative she'll agree with me, sometimes the opposite happens.

    Now, I would also encourage you to take a step back when this happens and try to see the perspective from an Fe point of view. Not because it's necessarily the right one, but because if you're married to an ESFJ is probably helps to learn to speak his language. He should do the same for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rasofy View Post
    Ever dated an INTP? If yes, why things didn't work out?
    Hah, yes and no. My closest male friend is an INTP and there as a time about a year and a half ago I had very significant feelings for him. I suspect at one point those feelings were reciprocated, but nothing ever happened. We both knew us dating would have been a disaster. We have very different values, and he's terrible at verbalizing/communicating his feelings. He's gotten better recently, but getting him to ask for help when he needs it is like pulling teeth. I've also cried in front of him a few times and he gets pretty uncomfortable and freezes up. I need someone with a little more emotional maturity.

    That said, now that the feelings have subsided he's one of my very best friends. When he harnesses his inferior Fe he's a great listener/empathizer. He's also extremely loyal, and I know if I ever needed him he would help to the best of his ability. We have awesome chemistry. Our senses of humor mesh extremely well, we do a lot of bantering. We both have pretty dry, witty, and slightly morbid senses of humor.

    I definitely wouldn't rule out dating an INTP. I think I would just need one that's older than me and has had some more time to mature.
    Friends, waffles, work

    "The problem is, when you depend on a substitute for love, you can never get enough" - Louis Cozolino

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  6. #126
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    What do you think separates you from ESTPs? (asking because I'm sure now my friend is ESTP but I used to think she was ESFJ)
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so


  7. #127
    Sweet Summer Dik Dik yama's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    What do you think separates you from ESTPs? (asking because I'm sure now my friend is ESTP but I used to think she was ESFJ)
    Not sure about others, but I see ESTPs as a lot more go-getting than me. And more direct. Probably because Se-dom. The stereotypical ESTP in my mind I would describe as "spunky". Lol
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  8. #128
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    What would you say is the primary difference between ESFJs and ESTJs? I've noticed that they can vibe similarly to each other, especially when the ESTJ and ESFJ are the same gender. My instinct would be that ESFJs are more focused on consensus, but that seems like a shallow and incomplete answer. So I dunno. Thoughts?

    Mostly I'm asking this because I can't tell myself and @Showbread apart anymore.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    What do you think separates you from ESTPs? (asking because I'm sure now my friend is ESTP but I used to think she was ESFJ)
    Damn son, you have a lot of secret-SJ friends!
    ~ g e t f e s t i v e ! ~


    EJCC: "The Big Questions in my life right now: 1) What am I willing to live with? 2) What do I have to live with? 3) What can I change for the better?"
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  9. #129
    untitled Chanaynay's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    Damn son, you have a lot of secret-SJ friends!
    Gen was a secret-SP tho! But yes I do have quite a few SJ friends. I love them. I could see myself with any SJ romantically to be honest (I think the only type that hasn't been suggested for me in the type hook up thread is ESFJ).
    7w6 - 2w3 - 8w7 sx/so

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  10. #130
    climb on Showbread's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    What would you say is the primary difference between ESFJs and ESTJs? I've noticed that they can vibe similarly to each other, especially when the ESTJ and ESFJ are the same gender. My instinct would be that ESFJs are more focused on consensus, but that seems like a shallow and incomplete answer. So I dunno. Thoughts?

    Mostly I'm asking this because I can't tell myself and @Showbread apart anymore.
    I might have to leave this one to someone else. @Haven? I'm not sure I can tell us apart either. I'll think on it and come back. The biggest difference I can think of is that inferior Fi stuff you describe. I don't relate to that much.
    Friends, waffles, work

    "The problem is, when you depend on a substitute for love, you can never get enough" - Louis Cozolino

    3w2 6w7 1w2
    *Gryffindor*

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