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  1. #1
    Member mouse's Avatar
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    Default A little help for an isfj

    So I was reading a bit about my type and saw this
    ISFJs have a difficult time leaving a relationship which is bad, or accepting that a relationship is over. They tend to put all of the blame on their own shoulders, and wonder what they should have done to make things work out. If they have been loyal to their vows and have done their duties, they will be at a complete loss as to what went wrong, and will have great difficulty accepting the end. They are "true blue" lovers, and may even remain faithful to their deceased partners.
    It kind of reflects my feelings right now.
    Any other ISFJs or SJs here that have gone through this that might wanna give some advice on how to get over it?

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Yes...me...totally, totally me.

    I was in a very bad relationship for a while...then I finally had the stones to get up and walk away from it. It was absolutely *brutal*

    The truth is, there is no magic way or shortcut to this. The only way out is straight through the door and don't look back. It will hurt and you're going to cry your eyes out. But it really is for the best.

    I'm sorry you're hurting
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  3. #3
    Member mouse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinker683 View Post
    Yes...me...totally, totally me.

    I was in a very bad relationship for a while...then I finally had the stones to get up and walk away from it. It was absolutely *brutal*

    The truth is, there is no magic way or shortcut to this. The only way out is straight through the door and don't look back. It will hurt and you're going to cry your eyes out. But it really is for the best.

    I'm sorry you're hurting
    Hmm, well I'm in the middle of what I'm starting to think is a bad relationship. My logic side of me is screaming for me to give up but my emotional side won't have any of that.
    If things get worse I might just have to do that.
    Thanks

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Aww I'm sorry to hear it. That's not a fun place to find yourself.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #5
    Senior Member tinker683's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mouse View Post
    Hmm, well I'm in the middle of what I'm starting to think is a bad relationship. My logic side of me is screaming for me to give up but my emotional side won't have any of that.
    If things get worse I might just have to do that.
    Thanks
    If you don't mind my asking...whats going on?
    "The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it."
    ― Woodrow Wilson

  6. #6
    Senior Member Habba's Avatar
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    Bad relationshipa are not going to get better by themselves. If you are deeply involved (married, shared mortage and/or kids), you might first need to think how can you fix the relationship. Everything is possible if the both of you are willing and open about it.

    If it's just you and him/her, it's just much more simple. If it's a bad relationship, leave it. You are only responsible of your own happiness and you deserve to be happy. You don't have to give away your own happiness to please the other.

    At least that's the common problem I know many ISFJs have. They think it's up to them to make the other person happy. They are willing to change and adapt and are just happy that they have someone. Thry are happy that things aren't any worse. Butt the truth is, the relationship needs to be something that elevates you and makes you a better person.
    "The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine."
    -Nikola Tesla

  7. #7
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    If your partner is treating you badly, you deserve better.

  8. #8
    Member bronte27's Avatar
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    As an ISFJ with esteem problems I was stuck in a bad relationship last year and let it go on longer than it should have. And then after there was a lot of "well I shouldn't have acted this way" and "maybe it was actually not that bad and I shouldn't have broken it off" type feelings which were tough. But it's all a matter of building up self-esteem, reminding yourself why you're worth more and not letting yourself be treated badly. It's not going to be easy and even months later I still have moments when I want to turn back. But I know I can't because I'm worth more than that. Try turning those emotions back in on yourself and reminding yourself how important you are, more so than this relationship. I feel like ISFJ's often don't take proper care of themselves, and this plays out in their love lives as well. All the more reason to be self-aware and end things if it comes down to it. Best of luck.

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