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  1. #11
    Member CheshireCat's Avatar
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    @ Habba

    I very much appreciate your responses. Your perspective is invaluable to me. Many thanks.


    @ Skylights

    I see what you mean. This is very true.... Thankyou. I'll keep it in my mind that I'm learning a different language

  2. #12
    Junior Member starcatcher's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CheshireCat
    I asked, and it was stated if I did desire to have a relationship "I guess we could try it." ... is this just a standard gesture?
    That sounds like what my internal answer would be if it was someone I could see a relationship growing with, but I wasn't already head over heels with (although how often do ISTJ's really fall head over heels for someone?) Likely if I were to give that answer to a friend expressing a desire for a relationship, it would mean that I had already put a lot of thought into a relationship with that person and had decided that I would be open to the relationship as I could see it working well. I've learned that phrasing it the way your friend did isn't going to be received well, so I probably would try to answer in a way that I think the other person would be more responsive to, as I don't want them to think that I am any less interested in the relationship than they are. I wouldn't read too much into that phrasing though, it's possibly your friend is completely unaware of the way it sounded to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by Habba View Post
    ISTJs are good ears. We talk less and listen more. Si is really great for listening you know. Whatever you say, goes deep into our databases and stays there for many years. You might not know it, but your every word echoes for an eternity in our minds.
    This. If an ISTJ is bothered by how often you talk about anything, they will do their best to not put themselves in situations where you are able to talk so much. We're not big on putting ourselves in unpleasant social interactions if it can be avoided. If we take the time to listen, it's because we truly care, and we really listen. If an ISTJ cares about the person talking, they remember everything and apply the information appropriately to future interactions with that person.

  3. #13
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by starcatcher View Post
    That sounds like what my internal answer would be if it was someone I could see a relationship growing with, but I wasn't already head over heels with (although how often do ISTJ's really fall head over heels for someone?) Likely if I were to give that answer to a friend expressing a desire for a relationship, it would mean that I had already put a lot of thought into a relationship with that person and had decided that I would be open to the relationship as I could see it working well. I've learned that phrasing it the way your friend did isn't going to be received well, so I probably would try to answer in a way that I think the other person would be more responsive to, as I don't want them to think that I am any less interested in the relationship than they are. I wouldn't read too much into that phrasing though, it's possibly your friend is completely unaware of the way it sounded to you.



    This. If an ISTJ is bothered by how often you talk about anything, they will do their best to not put themselves in situations where you are able to talk so much. We're not big on putting ourselves in unpleasant social interactions if it can be avoided. If we take the time to listen, it's because we truly care, and we really listen. If an ISTJ cares about the person talking, they remember everything and apply the information appropriately to future interactions with that person.
    Pretty much agree.

    To the OP, one of the most touching things to me, as an ISTJ, is someone I care about opening up to me and trusting me with their dilemma. It is a little uncomfortable to me, but if I care about the person, I realize the importance of their confiding in me, and therefore take it seriously and invest some effort into helping them, strategically and emotionally. Directly proportional to how much they matter to me. And the same is true vice versa--it is a huge deal if I were to ask you for help in a panic mode.

    Overall, I'd say go for it. Assume he wants and is ready to have you open up to him, until he proves otherwise. Even if he wants you to open up, he may be overwhelmed at first (has happened to me before), might not immediately sort out how to handle it, but time will tell.
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

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